All of the characters in this story belong to Dresher/Jacobsen, “The Nanny,” etc. All of the music that I’ve used is property of the band, Cake.

Cake

by

Rachel
(Ronandpercyweasley@yahoo.com)

Niles dragged himself out of bed on another Monday of another week of another year of being the Sheffield’s butler. He barely got any sleep after Fran rung him up at 2 a.m. for a piece of cheesecake. He staggered into his bathroom and washed his face. He glared at his reflection in the mirror, and the expression read, “You Suck.”

I'm not feeling alright today

I'm not feeling that great

I'm not catching on fire today

Love has started to fade

I'm not going to smile today

I'm not gonna laugh

You're out living it up today

I've got dues to pay

Niles finished up in the bathroom and dressed for the day. He took his time dressing, still being exhausted, and not caring whether the Sheffield’s breakfast was on the table at 8 o’clock sharp. He knew that C.C. was on her way over early that morning so that she and Max could drive up to Connecticut for the day, meeting with perspective clients.

and the grave-digger puts on the forceps

the stone mason does all the work

the barber can give you a haircut

the carpenter can take you out to lunch

Niles grudgingly went downstairs and started to make blueberry pancakes. He would much rather have gone back up to bed. The family eventually got downstairs, and he listened in silence to their “gabber” as he called it that particular morning. He really had nothing to contribute to their daily breakfast chatter, gossip and plans for the day. In fact, the only time in the mornings he came alive were when C.C. came. Actually, he always came alive whenever she was there. He held his breath and counted the seconds until she arrived.

I just want to play on my pan-pipes

I just want to drink me some wine

as soon as your born you start dying

so you might as well have a good time.

The doorbell rang. Niles went to get it, relieved that it was C.C. She looked at him; a grim look in her eyes that Niles knew by now meant that she was happy to see him.

“Servant.”

“Skank”

“Is Maxwell ready?”

“He’s having breakfast. Would you like some pancakes, or was feeding time at the zoo earlier this morning?” he said in his usual loving tone to her.

“Oh shut up and tell him I’m here! At least I’ll be away from YOU all day.”

“Oh you know your day isn’t complete until I’ve told you what a loser you are.”

“I told you, I don’t find you attractive anymore. I don’t know what it was.”

“You’re loss,” and Niles took something out of his pocket and shoved it in his mouth. C.C. watched and knew it was one of those cookies. Fran eventually told Niles what was in the cookies, but he kept it to himself. It’s not like he needed to eat a cookie to think C.C. was hot. C.C. still didn’t know the cookie’s power, but she knew that things really heated up with she ate them with Niles. She watched Niles enjoy the cookie, savoring each bite, and looking at his lips that were moving as he ate. She gazed and stared and reached out with her fingertips to touch them when-

“C.C., glad to see you! Ready to go?” he said as Niles silently got his coat and put it on him.

“Of course, Maxwell,” she said quickly pulling her hand back. Niles smiled a confident smile from the right side of his mouth. He opened the door for them, and C.C. turned slightly when she left. Niles licked the tips of his fingers where the crumbs were, and smiled at her. C.C. pretended not to care, but Niles saw her blush.

“Good day, Niles!” shouted Max from the street. C.C. went straight into the limo.

For the next week, Niles and C.C.’s interactions looked something like this:

“Chimney Sweeper!”

“Grim Reaper!”

“Mule!”

“Cow!”

“Old Maid!”

“Single, White Male!”

And so on and so forth. Each time they were in the same room, everyone else would run for cover. When they were alone, however, and that didn’t happen often, they would catch the other person looking at them. When Niles dusted, C.C. gazed. When C.C. was examining scripts, Niles stared. When Niles dusted while C.C. examined scripts, they would always end up bumping into each other, usually in the arm. They never excused themselves; actually, they never even pulled apart once they were touching. Finally, they would stop pretending to be working and look at each other. C.C. would start to giggle as Niles tickles her behind her ear, and Niles blushes as C.C. attempts to fix his tie, while always managing to unbutton one of his buttons and then playing with it. Then finally, their eyes would meet, and they’d be on the verge of a kiss, when inevitably, someone would come in, and Niles would quickly button his shirt while C.C. fixed her hair. Niles would then leave the room, hoping C.C. would be looking at him, but at those moments, she wouldn’t.

And thus were their lives. Day in and day out for years and years, they’ve bickered and fought, and then bickered and flirted and then bickered and flirted and flirted some more. Niles knew that he loved the woman, and he was almost positive that she loved him too. Who else would go along with their childish antics unless she loved him? He could see it in her eyes that she loved him and loved it when they picked on each other. And then at the same time, there was this hesitation on her part that Niles was lacking completely. Was she toying with him? He thought back to the “Popeye the Sailor-Man” prank, and how she tricked him into being Sylvia’s work out partner by saying he could blot the perspiration from her cleavage. Niles couldn’t contain his interest in doing that…just not with Sylvia. He thought back to the banquet he took her to after Chandler dumped her. They were so happy that night, dancing, like two people in love. He thought of his heart attack, and how concerned she was (if only she knew his dream!) And then he thought about that night he thought she died with Max and Grace in the blizzard. Grace did mention that she almost said something about him, and Niles took that as sheer proof of C.C.’s feelings, (aside from the cookie fling)…. and oh, yes, there was that kiss….

Niles drove himself crazy trying to convince himself that C.C. had feelings for him. He turned on his radio as he cut onions for dinner and pondered what to do with that woman.

You won't admit you love me.

And so how am I ever to know?

You only tell me

Perhaps, perhaps, perhaps.

A million times I ask you,

And then I ask you over again.

You only answer

Perhaps, perhaps, perhaps.

If you can't make your mind up,

We'll never get started.

And I don't wanna wind up

Being parted, broken-hearted.

So if you really love me,

Say yes.

But if you don't, dear, confess.

And please don't tell me

Perhaps, perhaps, perhaps.

Niles stopped chopping and tried to picture himself firmly and seriously asking C.C. Babcock to commit to a relationship with him. Somehow, it didn’t look as easy as Cake was making it out to be.

If you can't make your mind up,

We'll never get started.

And I don't wanna wind up

Being parted, broken-hearted.

“Then again,” Niles thought. “I’ve made up my mind. That has to count for something. Oh gosh, why did WE have to fall for each other?” he muttered.

So if you really love me,

Say yes.

But if you don't, dear, confess.

And please don't tell me

Perhaps, perhaps, perhaps,

Perhaps, perhaps, perhaps,

Perhaps, perhaps, perhaps.

“I have to. I’ll regret it forever if I don’t do it soon.”

After dinner that night, Niles took the town car, and he drove over to C.C.’s apartment building. “It’s not or never,” he said as he knocked on her door.

No answer.

Niles had no idea where she could be.

“Maybe she’s out shopping,” he thought. “I guess it can wait till the morning.”

The next morning, C.C. didn’t come to work. Niles was getting worried.

“Where’s the dog, sir?” he asked as he pretended to dust the office.

“Miss Babcock,” Max corrected him, “has taken a few days off.”

“Why?” he asked without thinking.

Max was surprised but controlled his questioning. “I have no idea. I don’t mind, she deserves a small break. That’ll be all now, Niles.” Niles took the hint to leave. He went into the kitchen, pondering what to do. Without thinking, he picked up the phone and dialed C.C.’s number. It rung 15 times. No answer. Of all the days he wanted to tell her he loved her, she has taken a vacation somewhere. He tried calling throughout the day, just to see if she was home, but she never was. Niles was irritated.

i need your arms around me, i need to feel your touch

i need your understanding, i need your love so much

you tell me that you love me so, you tell me that you care

but when i need you baby, you're never there

on the phone long, long distance

always through such strong resistance

first you say you're too busy

i wonder if you even miss me

never there

you're never there

you're never, ever, ever, ever there

For the next three days, Niles went out of his mind with worry, panic and anxiety. Max sent him off to his lawyer to deliver papers. He thought Niles needed some time out of the house, and away from the family. Niles drove to the lawyers, still thinking of C.C. He finally found true love, and he wanted so badly to tell her, and to find out if she loved him too. Of all the times for her to disappear, she had to disappear now.

“What if she realized what I was going to do? What if she went away on purpose to avoid me? Well, she can’t avoid me forever, she should have known that this conversation was a long time coming. Unless….unless she’s just playing again, and doesn’t really care…”

a golden bird that flies away, a candle's fickle flame

to think i held you yesterday, your love was just a game

a golden bird that flies away, a candle's fickle flame

to think i held you yesterday, your love was just a game

you tell me that you love me so, you tell me that you care

but when i need you baby

“WE’RE MADE FOR EACH OTHER! We’re soul mates, I know it! It’s just not right for her to do this! Isn’t it obvious that we’re meant for each other? Couples who act the way we do are ALWAYS made for each other, despite how ridiculous and crazy it looks!”

take the time to get to know me

if you want me why can't you just show me

we're always on this roller coaster

if you want me why can't you get closer?

never there

you're never there

you're never ever ever ever there

A week went by, and Niles was getting very desperate. Fran saw the change in his behavior, and she tried to get him to talk to her, but he refused to open up, even to his best friend. Still, the tension was rising in his body. He rehearsed and rehearsed what he’d say to C.C., but where was C.C.?

C.C. was actually in New York City the whole time. She got a room at the Plaza hotel, and spent a week going to spas and parties. She forced herself away from her usual routine at the Sheffield home and met many wonderful, sexy men. When she was away from Niles, she forced herself to be charming and sociable. She met this one man, Robert, who was quite irresistible. He treated her like a princess, and complimented her whenever he could. C.C. beamed whenever he did that, but at the same time, there was something missing. Robert adored her, but he didn’t know her. Sure he was rich and charming, but she’d met a million Roberts in her lifetime. Finally, a week after she left the Sheffield house, she was out on her balcony with Robert. They’d just had a lovely dinner in her room, and were taking in the view from her balcony.

“C.C., darling, I’m so glad I met you.”

“Thanks Robert. It’s not everyday that a handsome man says something nice to me.”

“That’s a shame. You deserve to be showered with compliments daily!”

C.C. wondered what Niles would say about that.

Robert put his arms around C.C.’s waist and embraced her. He kissed her tenderly on her lips, and C.C. ran her fingers through her hair. Robert started to kiss her all over her face and neck as he said:

“You’re lovely. You’re charming. You’re wonderful. You’re beautiful. You’re exquisite. You’re terrific. You’re sexy.”

“Oh Niles!”

Uh-oh.

“Niles? Whose Niles?” Robert demanded as he broke away.

“Eh, no one.”

“C.C.!”

“No one, he’s no one, honest! It was just an accident, erm, I mean a mistake, I mean, a slip of the, I mean,” and Robert stormed out of her apartment.

C.C. stood there like an idiot. She went back inside her suite and sat down on her bed.

“What am I doing here? WHAT AM I DOING HERE? This, this is just wrong!” C.C. said to herself. She gathered up her things and called for a limo. When she go downstairs, she told the man at the desk that she was leaving immediately and asked for her bill. After she paid, she ordered her limo driver to take her to the Sheffield home. Her driver asked her if she meant her apartment, but she demanded that she be taken to the Sheffield home.

When she got there, it was about 11 at night. Some of the lights were out, but she noticed that the living room light was on. Without thinking, because she had no clue as to what she was going to say, she went to the front door and rang the bell. She prayed that no one but Niles was up.

“Please, oh please oh please oh please be Niles,” and it was.

“C. -, erm, I mean, Miss Babcock, what are you doing here? Where have you been? Are you all right? Please come in!” said Niles. He was so nervous, he wasn’t expecting her at all that night, and yet he was just lost in thought about her for hours. C.C. came in, and Niles shut the door. They stood and looked at each other. Long to talk or hug or kiss or all three, but neither able to move a muscle or utter a word.

“C.C.-“

“Niles, we need to talk,” she blurted out.

“I know. Where have you been?”

“I, I had to get away. I’ve been at the Plaza for the last week.”

Niles was stunned that she was so close, and yet so far away for the last week.

“Why?”

“I had to think...about where my life was going. I, I had to make my mind up. I don’t want to wind up being parted and broken hearted.”

“And where is your life going?”

“Well, I’m here, aren’t I?”

Niles looked into her eyes, and saw that she was almost on the verge of tears. He saw that she was thinking about him as much as he thought about her. He saw that she didn’t want to play games anymore. Now if only one of them could get past the silence. Niles stared at the woman he loved and decided the games had to stop.

Summoning all the courage in his body, Niles approached C.C. and put his arms around her, just as Robert did. This time, C.C. felt safe and secure. More than that, she felt that someone truly wanted her.

“Niles,” she said, unable to look him in the eye. She played with that button that she liked to undo. Finally, she looked up at him and said, “I love you.”

Niles sighed with relief and happiness. He leaned forward and kissed her on the lips. “I was beginning to think you’d never make your mind up.”

C.C. stared at him. “Niles?”

Niles smiled, “Oh isn’t it obvious you silly woman? I’ve always loved you.”

C.C., “You’re not just saying that? Cause if this is another joke-“

“C.C.”

“When I just came all the way over here-“

“C.C.”

“And I always knew that there was something between us-“

“C.C.”

“And then I forced myself to admit that I loved you, and now you’re-“

“C.C!”

“What?”

Niles kissed her passionately. All the jokes and pranks from the last 20 years melted down into this kiss that he waited so long to give her.

“I love you! With all my heart and soul, I love you! I’ve been wanting to tell you all week, but you went away!”

“I, I’ll never leave again,” as she hugged him.

“Of course you won’t. I’m never letting you go again!”

C.C. embraced him even closer. Gosh, how wonderful it was to be held by such a man. They were finally together. No more games. No more quips. Just Niles and C.C.

“Niles.”

“Yes.”

“One thing.”

“Anything.”

“Remember darling, I said it first.”

Niles looked at her and laughed.

“Hate you.”

“Hate you more.”

They kissed again.

I don't want to wonder
If this is a blunder
I don't want to worry whether
We're gonna stay together
'Till we die

I don't want to jump in
Unless this music's thumping
All the dishes rattle in the cupboards
When the elephants arrive

I want to love you madly
I want to love you now
I want to love you madly, way
I want to love you, love you
Love you madly

I don't want to fake it
I just want to make it
The ornaments look pretty
But they're pulling down the branches
Of the Tree

I don't want to think about it
I don't want to talk about it
When I kiss your lips
I want to sink down to the bottom
Of the sea

I want to love you madly
I want to love you now, yeah
I want to love you madly, way
I want to love you, love you
Love you madly

I don't want to hold back
I don't want to slip down
I don't want to think back to the one thing that I know I
Should have done

I don't want to doubt you
Know everything about you
I don't want to sit across the table from you
Wishing I could run

I want to love you madly
I want to love you now
I want to love you madly, way
I want to love you, love you
Love you madly

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