"Oy Story"

The sequel to 'Niles (The Butler's) Day Off.'
by Frank Russell



The Sheffield Mansion, six and one half weeks later:

Fran sat on the corner of Maxwell's desk filing her nails.  She watched
Maxwell lovingly as he worked and listened to the sound of his voice
as he discussed the details of his new show with C.C., a musical
version of 'The Taming of the Shrew'.

Her thoughts returned to the that morning, weeks before when they 
had made love in his office,....... on the love seat....... on the
carpet........ on his desk....... His passion and inventiveness had
only been matched by her abandon.

Although it had not been their first time, it had been as special as if
it had been their first, and had brought to life one of her oldest
fantasies.  She ran her fingers over the molded edging of the desk at
the memory.

Their lovemaking had almost melted the walls, or at least they had
managed to dislodge several of Maxwell's framed and hung show 
posters and broken his Tony award.  Maxwell still hadn't successfully 
explained to Niles how the strange marks (apparently from spiked 
heels) had found their way into the furniture, and she still hadn't found 
her panties.  "I wonder what happened to them?" she thought as she 
put the finishing touches to her nails.

She began to feel a little hot, or perhaps it was just her hormone's
racing.  That, added to being late, feeling fatigued, and nauseous
prompted her to see her doctor, where she had her fears, and an
inconclusive home pregnancy test confirmed.  She had decided to keep
the baby, no matter what Maxwell's or her mother's reaction would
be,.... when she eventually told them.  For now though, she had to 
work out how to tell her mother, Maxwell could wait.

"Are you sure this Randy Newman chap would be right to compose the
music for this production C.C.?"  The first words Maxwell had said 
since she had started on her nails that she had understood or cared to
register.

"Yes Maxwell, he has already done 'Faust' as a musical and has
composed several feature film soundtracks, including 'Toy Story', and
'The Three Amigos'.  He will be perfect, and he is interested."

"Ooo Ooo I was almost was in that," Fran interjected.

"What was that, Miss Fine?" inquired Maxwell.

"'Three Amigos'.... Ah I mean I almost saw that.... I was in the
theater........ when it was on...... yes that's it."

"You mean you saw it," Maxwell added helpfully.

"No I mean I was in the theater,........in the back row with my late
ex-boyfriend Danny.  I didn't actually see it, and anyway we were
thrown out before the end."

"What, for talking normally?" C.C. innocently inquired.

"No...... it was Danny, he was very loud when we, um, you know.  'I 
love you Fran!  I love you Fran!' he would scream," giving Maxwell a 
look.  She would not let him forget "The Thing" that easily.

"Yes, well, we didn't need to know that.  Thank you, Miss Fine," he 
said pretending to concentrate on some paperwork.

With his impeccable timing, Niles entered carrying the morning mail.
"Good morning sweetie," he cooed to C.C.

"Good morning, honey bunch," she replied giving him a huge smile 
and a hello peck on the lips.

Fran and Maxwell cringed at this performance.

"You know Niles, I somehow liked it better when you were 'at each
others throats', rather than 'at ....each....others....throats.'"

Niles carried the greeting a little further.  All too far for Maxwell.
"Niles!" he snapped.

Niles looked up at Maxwell, all innocence but with one of C.C.'s
earrings hanging from his mouth.  He smiled before spitting it back at
her, "Sorry sir."

"You know, I feel a little nauseous," added Fran, putting her hand on
her stomach.

"Oh really, Nanny Fine," said a sarcastic C.C.

"No, really I feel nauseous," as she jumped off the desk and ran out the
office to the bathroom to throw up yet again.

"You know Niles, I'm starting to get a bit worried about Miss Fine.
That is the second time this morning she has run out of here to throw
up."

"Perhaps she's trying to tell you something sir."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The time had come to try to tell her mother about the baby.  But before
she did she had to go to the bathroom, hoping that the sound of 
running water would cover the sound of her vomiting.  By the time her
mother was finished berating her father in the TV room, she was 
digging into a tub of chocolate chip ice cream that has somehow 
survived her mother.

"Morty!  Put your good hair away.  I'm sick of it laying around the
house!" she screamed as she walked into the kitchen.

"I got such a fright last night, when I came out for a snack.  I
thought it was a rat!" Sylvia said to Fran as she braced herself
against the counter.  She watched her daughter eat and she smiled.  
She loved to watch her daughter eat.

"So...... when are you due?  Who is the father?  When is the wedding?"

"Ma!  How did you know?  Did Gracie tell you?"

"A mother knows these things darling, besides you didn't get those
from Dr. Roberts," motioning towards her cleavage.  "You just threw 
up in our bathroom not ten minutes ago, and sweetie,.....  pilchards and 
ice cream?  I ate the same thing when I had you....... So who is the
father?"

"Who do you think, Ma?  Do you think I would sleep with just any 
guy?"

"It's none of my business darling....So who?"

"It's Maxwell, Ma."

"Mozel tov!  Mozel tov!  Morty!" running to the door and screaming 
yet again at Morty.

"Morty!  Get your good hair out!  We're going to your daughter's
wedding!!"

"Ma!  Sit down!  I haven't told him yet, and I don't know if I really
want to marry him."

"What!!!  Are you meshugina?!!!!  Of course you want to marry him! 
He's a millionaire!  A handsome millionaire!  OK, so he's not Jewish 
but he's a mensch.  What's wrong with you?!"

"I don't know Ma.  I haven't decided what I want to do, but I have
decided that I am going to keep the baby."

"What, are you going to bring a mumza into the world?! To think that 
my daughter would do such a thing to me, after all I have given you.  I
carried you for nine months, darling!  And the labor!!!!"

"Genoog with the guilt already, Ma!  I have enough to think about 
now."

Sylvia sat down at the table and watched her daughter take another
spoonful of ice cream and fish, waiting for an explanation.  Fran
finally looked at her and continued.

"You see Ma, I know Maxwell loves me, but I don't know if he loves 
me enough to marry me."

"Of course he does, darling.  You just tell him, it will be all right.
And if he doesn't, we can always call Uncle Sidney."

"What?  A paternity suit Ma?!  I couldn't do that to him!"

"What!  After what he did to you?!"

"I was there too Ma!"

"Please, don't give me a picture!"  she said as she recoiled, closing her
eyes.  "Look, you have to live.  You need money to raise the baby. 
What do you think you are going to do?"

Fran gave her a look as though she is crazy, then realized she was
right. 

"Oh... I suppose I will have to tell him,..... before someone else does,"
she added quickly, as she was again overtaken by her hormones and 
began to cry into the ice cream. 

Sylvia showing all the compassion as a mother, especially when food 
is involved, comforted Fran, then slid the ice cream over and started to
eat it.

"Say, this isn't bad!"

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Maxwell walked into the living room from his office.  Seeing Niles 
and C.C. necking on the couch, he quickly said "Sorry," turned around 
walked out, but was back again in a second.

He yelled at them.  "Can't you two do that out in the blasted garden
where I can put the hose on you or something!!!?  You're driving me 
mad with all this bloody kissy kissy stuff!!!"

"Sorry Maxwell," said C.C. apologetically, straightening her dress, and
starting to fix her make up.  Niles had gotten to his feet, not
attempting to pretend what happened, didn't happen, but at least
attempting to look like a butler should look, in control.  The
controlled state lasted no more than a few seconds.

"Well......What do you think?" Niles asked C.C. playfully.

"Mmmm... I'll give it a try."

"Niles, can you fix me a drink please?"

"O or AB positive?"

That did it.  Niles threw himself onto the couch and C.C. in a
passionate kiss, and she responded.

Maxwell by now far beyond caring, just shook his head in disgust 
"Very funny..... Not!" and ambled back to his office.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Fran was on a roll.  She hailed a cab within seconds of reaching the
sidewalk outside her mothers, had lucked a driver who could speak
English, and who actually took a direct route home.  She had decided
that there was no time like the present to tell Maxwell and went
straight to his office on entering the house.  She knocked tentatively
on the door of his office, something she never did.  This was not
starting as well as she had hoped.

"Ah... Maxwell can I talk to you about something?"

"Come in Fran, we don't need to stand on such formalities," he said as
he stood and meeting her half way, folded her in his arms.  She rested
her head on his chest, her heart was beating a mile a minute. 

"I've been very worried about you lately Fran, I mean about your
health, have you seen a doctor?"

"Well..... yes I have."

"And did they find anything wrong?"

"Well no........ not really, It's just-"

"Well then, we have to cheer you up.  How about I give you my Gold
Card and you can go shopping for some new clothes?"

The reaction was not what he expected.  She pushed him away and 
looked him up and down, hands on her hips.

"What are you saying?....... Are you saying I'M FAT!!!!!!?..... "

"How dare you say something like that to me!!!  You don't understand
anything!!!  You're a pig!  You did this to me!!!"  she screamed at him
before spinning on her heels and marching out.

Maxwell's jaw dropped.  He began to feel that blood vessel in his
forehead start to throb again, but this time he was sure it was about
to explode.  He had to follow her and try to make some sense of all
this, but he wondered whether it would simply be better to take two
aspirins and just lay down.  No one seemed to be interested in doing
any work at all today anyway, but he needed to try to salvage
something from the day.

But he only needed to step to the door of the office, Fran was talking
to Maggie in the hall.  She sounded like her happy normal self.

"Sure, why not, you can go the your concert in Boston with Peter, no
problem!" she said and continued on her way.

"Oh Maggie!....what was all that about?" he inquired, trying not to
sound disapproving.

"Oh Fran said I could go to the 'Silver Chair' concert in Boston
tomorrow night with Peter, the guy I met at Lowman's?............It's
OK with you isn't it Dad?" she asked, sensing something wasn't quite
right.

"What!?"  

"To Boston?!" 

"Tomorrow night?!"

"With Peter?!"  punctuating the words for effect.  "I should say bloody
well not, young lady!!!"

"Well Fran said I could go!!..... And..... you never let me go
anywhere!" as she started to get upset.

"And it's not like I'm going to go and get pregnant like 
Fran!!!!........Ooops," she smiled a weak smile at the realization of
what she said.  "I've gotta go" she added weakly, making herself 
scarce..

Maxwell was too much in shock to stop her.  If he could just drop dead
there, it would be a blessing, but slowly it all began to makes sense
to him.  The vomiting, the mood swings.  In her normal state she could
be bad enough, but pregnant!!  'God help me,' he thought.

"Why am I always the last person to know about what is going on in
this bloody house!" he yelled in desperation at the walls.

Maxwell went up to her room and tapped gently on her bedroom door.

"Fran, Fran.........Please talk to me. Maggie told me what
happened...... " "Fran.................Please open the door and talk
to me."

"NO!...... GO AWAY!.... I don't want to talk to you, you have done
enough already!!!" her voice was muffled by having her face in a
pillow, but he could tell she had been crying.

"But Fran ,we have to talk.  Why didn't you tell me about the baby, I
love you Fran.  Please open the door."

"NO!  Mr Sheffield doesn't allow men in my room, especially men that 
I want to have sex with again."

Well he had no answer to that.  "Fran!" was the best he could come up
with.

He felt himself physically slumped in his Brooks Brothers suit, which 
was now, like himself, becoming disheveled.  'Well,' he thought, 
'perhaps after she settles down I will try again.'  Right now, he needed 
a drink.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Maxwell heard the screamed accusations as he walked through the 
dining room.  Poking his head round the kitchen door, he found C.C. 
and Niles arguing, Niles waving a cooking knife in the air while C.C. 
with hands on hips, screamed at him.  Maxwell stepped into the 
kitchen relieved.  At last something normal he could latch onto.

"......I don't care Niles!  We never go out anywhere, all we do is hang
around this dusty old house every evening.  We never go dancing, we
never go to the theater, and you rarely even come to my apartment!"

"What!.... Me!...... visit the Ice Palace!  Why don't you just castrate
me now!" making to hand her the knife. 

"Don't think I won't do it too, and not that it would make any
difference Hazel!"

"Well you're no oil painting yourself baby, or do you keep that up in
your attic!"

"Listen Dustbuster, I can have any man I want.  I don't need you to
make my life complete!"

"Well why don't you run along and find one then.  I hear the morgue's
still open at this hour!"

"I hate you!"

"I hate you more!"

"Well you can just find someone else to help you sizzle your steak
tonight, galley slave," she yelled as a parting gesture, slamming the
door behind her.

"Ah woman... can't live with them................." Maxwell ventured.

"Indeed sir,....."

"Is every thing all right between you two?" Maxwell asked realizing
that the cost of the property damage and to his well being may have
all been a waste.

"Yes sir, it's just a lovers tiff.  We will sort it out in the morning."

"Did you talk to Miss Fine sir?" he asked now moving the conversation
on to more pleasant pastures.

Maxwell threw him a glance as if to say, 'so you know too'.  "No I 
didn't get the chance.  She has locked herself in her room and won't 
talk to me.  Why do you think she didn't tell me?"

"Well perhaps sir, she wasn't sure how you were going to take the
news, after the way you have acted towards her in the past.  She isn't
sure if you really love her."

"That's ridiculous man, she knows how I feel...... everyone knows how
I feel, sometimes even before I feel it."

"Yes sir."

"Well, I think I have really done it this time Niles."

Niles looked at his supposed better in amazement.  That he was the
Butler and Maxwell the master was never more at question than at
this moment.  He had watched this relationship develop and wane over
several years and had always tried to push them gently together.  It
was clear that he was needed again, but hopefully for one last time.

"Sir, if you don't mind me saying, but if you love her, and I think you
really do, tell her you love her, and for all our sakes.... marry
her!!" He added firmly.

Maxwell decided that Niles was right.  It was time that he did what he
should have done many times before.  He was going to ask Fran to 
marry him. 

He climbed into his Porche and drove himself to Tiffany's, where
be bought the most beautiful and expensive diamond engagement ring 
he could find. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Clothes began to pile up in the middle of the floor of her room as
Fran threw them from her closet.  She walked out wearing an old, 
loose fitting dress left over from her fatal attraction with 'Ben and
Jerry's' with a pillow stuffed under it for effect.  She stood in front
of the full length mirror she had Brighton move from his father's
room.

"Oh my God!  I look horrible!  I'm gonna be fat and ugly, and even 
after the birth I'm gonna be 20lb heavier!  Maxwell is never going to 
want me," she whined, in her hormone enhanced state.

Suddenly there was a tapping at her door, and the muffled call:  "Fran! 
Fran! Are you all right?"

She didn't answer 'A lot you care!' she thought to herself, throwing
the pillow back on the bed.

"Fran I need to talk to you."

"WHAT DO YOU WANT!?" she screamed.  "I thought you would be 
busy hiring a new Nanny, some pretty young tramp in tight clothes and 
high heels!"

"Don't be silly Fran, I don't want a Nanny like that.  I want you."
'Well, that didn't come out right,' he thought.

She walked to the door and kicked it as she screamed, "PIG!"

He waited for the vibrations in his head to subside, before trying
again.  This time he would keep his ear away from the door.

"Fran... I don't know if you can hear me, but I do love you, I really
do, and I do want the baby........ Fran?"  He carefully listened for
some confirmation and continued:

"And I don't care if you put on weight and I don't care what you wear,
as long as I have you."

"Fran...... Fran......I'm down on my knees and I have an engagement
ring...... if you will take it, and me along with it."  He listened
again and heard nothing, his heart sank.

Just as he is about to give up, he heard the door unlatch, and it
slowly opened.  She stood before him, sobbing. 

"Fran?" he said as he slowly lowered himself to one knee again,
holding the open box before him. 

She stood before him tears streaming from her still red eyes.

"Yes Maxwell."

Maxwell stood and stepped in to the doorway.  He put his arms around
her and they kissed longingly, as she slowly closed the door behind 
him.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The house was full of life that evening.  Grace and Brighton were
watching TV, Maggie having already left on a date with Peter.  Niles
was preparing dinner while Maxwell and Fran sat at the kitchen table
trying to decide on wedding invitations.

"This one looks nice, it says class and understatement," Maxwell
suggested pointing at the page in the catalogue.

"No, Cousin Rose had that one and we need to top her.  What about 
that one?"

"Are you sure?  It's terribly gaudy and ........."  Thinking better of it,
added, "Will your Mother like it?"

"Miss Fine, I thought your Mother already had your wedding arranged
for you?" inquired Niles.

"Yeah, well she did, but after the so many false alarms she decided it
would be less stress on her and cheaper to let me do it this time."

C.C. waltzed into the kitchen wearing a hot short black dress that
clung to every one of her ample curves, and 4 inch heels.  She took 
one of the crab puffs that Niles was preparing for dinner in her long 
red finger nails and took a bite.

"C.C., aren't you staying for dinner?" asked Maxwell

"Oh no Maxwell, I can't stay for dinner.  I'm going clubbing with Val-"

"-then I'll put it in a C.C. bag,"  Niles added watching her legs carry
her cute butt over to the back door.

"Val's here!" C.C. called to Fran and she reached the door.

"Where is the ring?!" were the first words out Val's mouth.  Fran stood
and extended her hand.  "Oh it's beautiful!!  And it must have cost a
mint!!" Val said excitedly.

"Two mints actually," Maxwell added, and for his trouble got a gentle
slap on the back of his head from Fran.

"And it's the first jewelry I have ever owned that wasn't
wholesale!" Fran added, excitedly.

"That isn't true, Miss Fine.  What about all those the gifts and
engagement rings you received from all your old boyfriends and
fiancés?" asked Niles playfully.

"Shhhh, I gave them all back when we broke up..... OK?!"

"Yes Miss Fine," Niles added knowingly. 

Maxwell shot Fran an accusing look, while Fran, to change the subject,
pushed Val towards the dining room door.  C.C. and Niles followed, 
while Maxwell continued to leaf through the invitation catalogue, glad 
for a little peace.

"So Val, where are you going?" Fran asked as they walked through the
dining room.

"Oh, C.C. knows a great new club-"

"-It's called TRAPS and it's full of cute young guys," C.C. added.

"Are the traps supplied or do you take your own?" asked Niles.

"Oh no, the guys are in cages and you just pick the one you want to
dance with," answered Val.

"How do you know that Val?  We never got into any clubs?"

"Oh! I do now, and I actually get to meet guys!"

"Thanks Val" replied Fran.  "Maybe we should make it double 
wedding!"

When C. C. and Val reached the landing, Niles opened the closet and
helped C.C. into her overcoat.

"Now dear, don't forget to come home through Central Park."

"Don't worry.  I'll be safe, you will still be inside."

"I wasn't worried about you, it's the muggers that aren't safe."

"Well I do have my pepper spray,..... so back off Benson!" she added
forcefully, as Niles opened the door.

"And don't forget, Val, we've never seen each other before, and we
don't know each other," C.C. added as they stepped out for a night on
the town.

As Niles turned to return to the kitchen, the front door opened and
C.C. walked back in.  She grabbed Niles by the tie and pulled him into
her arms and planted a tongue filled kiss on his mouth as he
responded with equal passion.  "See you tomorrow babe," he tossed at
her as they went their separate ways.


The End