All the characters used in this story are owned by Fran Drescher, Peter Marc Jacobson, High School Sweethearts…. Please don't sue me, I don't even have money to pay for the trip to the USA. Any reactions (good or bad) send them to sara_van_bussel@yahoo.com.

Dear Diary

by

Sara van Bussel
(sara_van_bussel@yahoo.com)

Dear diary,

I've never had diaries before, but I started you because I need someone to tell everything to. Maybe I can straiten things out for myself, because I have the feeling I'm going through a dead end road.

First let me introduce myself. My name is CC Babcock. My age is non-of your business and I think I can't remember it so we'll forget about it ok? I live in Manhattan, in a boring apartment on twentieth floor. It isn't that nice but I only go there to eat and sleep. During the day I'm at Maxwell's house. Maxwell Sheffield is officially my boss but I rather think of him as my partner. Unfortunately he's only my partner in business and not in love. He is in love with Nanny Fran Fine. Why nobody knows, cause all she's after is his money, stupid golddigger. You're right if you say that I sound jealous. I mean, I've been after Maxwell for over ten years, ever since his wife Sarah died. She just comes waltzing in and steals his heart without any effort. She dresses terrible and has absolutely no manners. I guess I'm just blaming her for my problems when deep down I know that isn't even my real problem. No, the real problem is the butler. I know a butler is supposed to be a butler and keep his ugly nose out of other people's lives. Well he is no proper butler cause all he does all daylong is get on my nerves. He teases me and makes smart remarks. The worst of our little fights is that he almost wins everytime. You will say can't take it if you loose? But that's not the worst part. The worst part is that I'm actually looking forward to our little fights every time I arrive at the mansion. Me, CC Babcock, looking forward to spent time with, Niles, the butler. This can't be happening! There are these times where we somehow end up on sort of a date together. He escorts me and much to my surprise we end up having a good time. There was this one time when we were all alone in the house. We drank some Johnny Walker Black and before I knew it we were kissing like crazy. Luckily Maxwell and Nanny Fine interrupted otherwise I don't know where we would have ended up. I often think what would have happened if we slept together. Did he just kiss me to play with my mind or did he have other reasons? What other reasons? Do you really think that he could love you? Yeah right! His attitude sure didn't change since then. He doesn't love you, he hates you! So now you know my problem. I don't know how I feel about him, but I know that what I feel isn't hate. I don't know what it is, but I know I've never felt it for anyone else before. Not even for Maxwell or my other loves. Why am I talking about Niles like he is my love? Deep down inside I know the terrifying yet comforting answer. Because he is the love of my life! My soulmate, my other half, the one. Whatever you want to call it. Now I finally admitted it to myself I feel like an enormous wait has been lifted of my shoulders. And is replaced by an other one. Because while I love him, he hates me like hell. So I guess this has only replaced the problem. But I have an idea. I have a banquet next week and knowing Niles he will go with me. Meanwhile I will carefully question Nanny Fine and Maxwell. Now I have to get some sleep so I can start my plans tomorrow.

Signed,
CC Babcock

The next day. I've put away my diary as best as I could. I didn't want to burn it (yet) but I don't anybody but me reading it. I've put on an extra tight dress. Not as distasteful as Nanny Fine but still very attractive. When I walked to my car I was hit on by two men. They were hansom but now I know who my true love is I don't have time for a plaything. Now I've entered the house with my usual "hello, hello." I've given Niles one of my sexy looks I've practiced all night. I had some tips from Nanny Fine. Like no one sees the looks she gives Maxwell. Niles is so taken by surprise by my dress and look that he forgets to place a smart remark. It works so far.

I enter the office so quick that I find Maxwell and Nanny Fine necking on the love seat. Well I guess it was made for that. I apologize and go to the quickly, but I just see the surprised look on their faces. They are probably asking themselves why I didn't freak out over there. Well because I don't love Maxwell, I love Niles! It's so weird to say that, well think that. It's hard to think you love the man that you've hated for so long.

I enter the kitchen and find my favorite butler. He's still confused, and I decide I can play with his mind to. I seductively walk over to the counter and put my indexfinger under his chin. I give him a little kiss on the nose and then walk sexy over to the refrigerator. I get a bottle of water and go to the livingroom. I go sit on the couch and wait for Niles. And yes, a few moments later he enters, supposedly to clean the piano. I watch him and see he doesn't wear a suit today. He wears a thin shirt and a nice pence. I see through the shirt that he has worked out lately because there are some nice muscles under there.

I don't know what has come over me! I keep loving him more every second I see him. I don't know if I can wait till next week. I walk over to him and put my hand on his shoulder. I scare him half to death.

"Niles," I ask him seductively "are you doing anything tonight?" He looks at me surprised. When I look in his eyes I see something I've seen somewhere before. I know where it was. It was in my own eyes this morning, when I looked in the mirror and thought of Niles.

I look away, blushing. What I saw makes me feel insecure. I know it was love, but the question is for whom? I mean he can get every woman he wants, there is no reason he should be in love with me. I begin to doubt my plans and even my feelings.

"Oh forget I ever asked it. " I say with a bit of disappointment in my voice. I start to walk away but he grabs my arm. I look surprised in his eyes.

"I'd love to go out with you tonight." He says with a cute smile on his face. I can't resist and I give him a little kiss on his lips. He puts his arms around me and reacts to my kiss with a lot of passion. I pull away with a happy smile on my face.

"See you tonight at eight, at my place. " I walk to Maxwell's office, to ask some time of. I need time for some shopping, and I don't need Nanny Fine's nose in my business. I knock before I enter, and judging by the muffled noises I hear from inside I know that that was a good decision. I enter and Maxwell and Nanny Fine look at me with such fake smiles, I would've cracked down if I weren't in love with Niles. "Maxwell, I was just wondering if I could get the rest of the day of. There are some things at home that I need to take care of. " Surprised and a little worried Maxwell looks up at me. I guess he is worried about what I saw a little earlier.

"OK, but are you OK?" He asks with a lot of worries.

"Thank you and yes I'm perfectly fine." I exit the office. I think the two of them were a little relieved that I took the rest of the day of, because when I am in the hallway I hear the locking of the door behind me. I couldn't care less. I quickly grab my coat and go outside to grab a cab. I immediately go to Donna Karan on fifth avenue. I ask them for their Valentines collection. They show me some tasteful yet figureles outfits and I tell them that I'm looking for a sexy outfit. They show me a beautiful evening gown, which I know Niles will like. If he wasn't in love with me before this should take away all his doubts. There has begun to grow a big question inside of me. Why did he return my kiss whit such passion? Is he in love with me? Or is he just taking advantage of the situation. Taking advantage of my mind. I guess that's it. Why would he be in love with me? I mean he has had enough opportunities to show it. But maybe he finally understands how I feel. If he didn't see it he must be blind because I feel you can see it written plainly across my face. I just hope he loves me as much as I love him. I realize now that I don't know how it feels to have someone in love with you. It has never happened to me before. This realization makes me feel even more insecure. Because I have never felt the hurt which can evolve from a relationship. I almost want to call Niles to cancel our appointment, but then I think of Maxwell and Nanny Fine. They have found true love and they are real happy together. I want to be as happy as they are! This may sound childish but I don't want to be the heartless CC Babcock anymore. I want to love and be loved. After all these thoughts I realize I'm hungry and I grab a quick bite to eat.

After lunch I go home and start working on my hair and make-up. Just when I look my absolute worst I hear the doorbell. I try to ignore it but whomever stands on the other side won't go away. With a loud sigh say I go and open the door. On the other side stands the love of my life Niles. My first impulse is to shut the door as quickly as possible. He can't see me like this! There is still the possibility that he doesn't love me. But he is to fast and puts his foot between the door.

"Wait a minute CC. " He said this with such desperation in his voice that I just have to let him in. With a depressed look on my face I go and sit down on my couch. After a few minutes, incredibly silent minutes, I look up and see him with the same depressed but also worried look on his face.

"What's wrong Niles? " I ask hesitantly. In surprise he looks up. I crack a small smile, and it works because he smiles too.

"I just went crazy at the mansion without you. I was so confused with your attitude this morning. I just needed to know what came over you. Not that I don't like the change. " He smiles. I don't know what to say, so I shyly look away. What does he feel? I like to know that before I put my heart out on the line. But then I realize that he doesn't know how I feel either, and he must be confused. I think it is best if one of us says how he or she feels. And because he isn't speaking up it obviously has to be me.

"It is just.." This is going to be so hard! But then I look in his eyes and see love. Maybe not for me but there is love in him. "I realized something yesterday. I've put all my thoughts and feelings on a piece of paper and I've come to a conclusion. The conclusion is that.. that.. I love you." I quickly look away because I know for sure that he is going to laugh. But there is no such response. I look up and see him. He looks partly happy and partly surprised.

"Well then I have a confession to make. I have discovered a long time ago that I love you to. But I never said it because I didn't think you would involve yourself with a butler like me. I mean you are wealthy and you can have any man you want. And I always thought you were in love with Mr. Sheffield." He looks away and starts to leave. I think he doubts my love. Because I can't let that happen, I stand up and grab his arms. I pull him close and give him a passionate kiss.

"Don't you ever doubt my love for you. You are the most wonderful man I've ever met, and I realize that now. I am never ever gonna let you go." I guess this took away his doubts because he gives me a kiss. "See you tonight." With that he exits. Oh my god. What just happened? Yesterday I was alone and miserable and now I've found the love of my life. And he loves me too. Can it get anything better than this? I quickly return to my make-up task. I mean I know that he loves me but that doesn't mean I don't have to look good. I'm finished at a quarter to eight and at exactly eight he stands in front of my door. He looks absolutely ravishing in a smoking. I guess he likes my outfit too because al he does is stare. I grab his arm and he leads me to a limo with chauffeur. We go sit in the back and he doesn't know what to say. Because I don't like the silence I quickly think of something to say.

"So Niles. Tell me where did you get this gorgeous limousine?" He looks up surprised.

"Mr. Sheffield gave it to me for the night when I said I was going out on a date." Yeah I know why he wanted Niles out of the house. I bet the kids are sleeping over at friend's houses. Well it works for me.

"Where are we going?" I ask him. He looks at me with a look what makes me see he is up to something. I didn't realize that I know him even better than I know Maxwell.

"It's a surprise. I know you hate surprises and I know that you think I am just making fun of you, but that is not true." He knows me as well as I know him! I beginning to except the possibility that he loves me. Why would do all this if he wasn't in love with me? To make fun of me! I can't forget the ten years of torture. What makes this different from other occasions? Except the fact that he told me he loves me and I told him the same. I know for sure that he is just taking advantage of me. He wants me to pay for the evening and he then laugh about me with his friends. Ooh I get so mad at him! How could he? After what I said this afternoon. But wait a minute I don't know for sure what he is feeling. I get tears in my eyes. I was so happy but now it seems clear that he is just taking advantage of me. I softly begin to cry. I don't want to cry in front of Niles but I can't help myself.

"CC what's wrong?" he asks me worried. But I know the worries are fake and that inside he is laughing at me. I look at him and see in his eyes that he isn't laughing. He is truly worried. Ooh how sweet. He looks so cute. But I can't be in love with him, because I know he'll hurt me. He is just doing this to make fun of me. I would like to trust him, but it is hard to take away ten years of hate.

"If you're afraid that I'm just taking advantage of you and that my love isn't sincere, you should stop worrying. I love you with all of my heart and I here by swear that I'll never hurt you, for as long as I live." I look in his eyes and see that he isn't faking it. He is speaking the truth. I give him a hesitant kiss on his cheek and he responds with a passionate kiss. I want to take it further but he stops me. I immediately feel insecure but he comforts me.

"Tonight we can finish this, but we had an evening planned and it's a shame not to go out." The limo stops and he leads me inside a little Italian restaurant. It's real romantic. We get wine and some food. I don't know what to say to him. It still is so weird, us not fighting together. I think he knows exactly how I feel because he puts his hand on my knee and squeezes it softly.

"I just realized that we've know each other for over ten years, but we don't know anything about each other. Why don't I tell you something about my life before I met you and after that you can tell me everything about your life." After an hour I know everything about his life in England and he knows everything about my life with nannies and boarding-schools. We have a lot of fun. After some silent moments he says we have to be some where else. He takes my hand and we get back to the limousine.

"Where do we have to be?" I ask him.

"Wherever you want to be."

"Well than I want to go to.." I whisper the address of my apartment in the ear of the driver. Niles looks at me with question marks in my eyes. I just take his hand and smile at him. I'm finally feeling sure about his love for me. And I'm sure about my love for him too. I truly believe life can't get any better then this. We arrive at my apartment and I lead him inside. In the elevator I can't control myself anymore. I kiss him passionately and he responds with even more passion. Somewhere in the back of my head I hear the voice of my conscience, saying that I can't sleep with a man on the first date. I ignore the voice because I have wanted this for so long that I can't stop myself. Somehow we manage to get in my apartment without anybody seeing us. I take to my bedroom and we quickly undress each other. I feel us becoming one and all the doubts I once had disappear with the kisses he gives me.

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