Decisions

by

Jaby
(javi_lock@hotmail.com or cat__soul@hotmail.com)

She put the coffee down in the table as she finished reading the play review of that day’s newspaper. She sighed not looking up from her fingers as people around her talked about thing she wasn’t really in the mood to listen.

"Do you want something else miss?"

She looked up as the waitress smiled down at her. She just shook her head trying to smile.

And she was once again alone, in the middle of that huge city sitting in that lonely café. Her blue eyes travelled around the room and she brought the cup of coffee to her lips once more.

The reviews had given two thumbs up to her latest play, and yet that didn’t fill the void she felt inside her.

She bit her lower lip.

Her finger taped the table urgently.

And yet she wanted to run away, she wanted to get out of there.

She closed her eyes tightly, trying to forget everything that had happened that last year.

It was true, she forced herself to think she never missed them; she forced herself to forget them.

And it seemed that as far as she knew it was working just fine.

She looked at her watch, she had to go or she was going to be late to review the rehearsal of her new project. She looked around for the waitress, but she wasn’t around.

And just when she needed someone, no one was there.

The history of her life.

She picked up the newspaper once again, and this time even though her eyes were looking at the letters she wasn’t reading them.

She swallowed hard, as she tried to forget that today a year ago she had… A deep breath left her lips.

She forced a smile into her face, and rolled her eyes at herself.

She looked once again at the time. He was once more late as he always was. And at this point was when she started getting angry at him; when she just left not daring to hear his stupid excuses.

It was somewhere along this time when she got tired of waiting for him.

She took out her cell phone, and dialled his number for the hundredth time that day.

She waited.

And as it was so very usual in him he didn’t answer.

She ran a hand through her hair and shook her head reaching the very top of her patience.

And then a hand was placed in her shoulder.

"For God’s sake! Couldn’t you be a little …" and her head moved up to meet his eyes.

And her breath was caught in her throat.

For the second time in her life she didn’t know what to say.

"Speechless?" he said grinning. And his grin was too familiar for her taste, and her reaction was too forced for his own "You mind if I…" he said pointing the chair next to her.

"Don’t sit" but her words were too late for he was already sitting down.

She closed her eyes and opened them again, making sure she wasn’t imagining this.

He raised an eyebrow "Impressed to see me?"

"What the hell are you doing here?!" and she tripped with every word.

He simply shrugged "I was just passing by" but the lie was too obvious for both of them.

She shook her head, not believing yet that he had the nerve to be there. That she had the nerve to face him.

"I’ll repeat my question Niles. What. The. Hell. Are. You. Doing, Here?"

"Can’t a man pay a visit to an old friend?"

"Since we were never friends I doubt it"

And she didn’t mean for her words to be hurtful.

He looked at her as her hands played with the cup in the table. She hadn’t changed at all, her factions were the same, her scent was the same he had been trying to forget.

But there was something different about her.

And he couldn’t quite catch it.

"How’s… How’s Maxwell?" She looked up at him for the first time that day.

Niles raised both eyebrows and then sighed "He’s fine… The kids are growing up beautifully and the sitcom is doing great…"

"I know" she cut him off "I’ve watched it" and she looked at the time for routine more than anything.

He raised an eyebrow "Waiting for someone?"

She looked up frowning "No…" she lied "So Rochester, you’re still working for him I assume"

He nodded "As a matter of fact I am"

She sipped her coffee for last time, and she searched in her purse for a cigarette. She took the packet out and when she put it in between her lips he already had a lighter on his hand.

"I though you’d quitted smoking"

She dragged the smoke before letting a puff out "I had, but after I…" and when he met her stare she knew she wasn’t strong enough to say it.

After all he already knew.

"I heard you did well with your last play, Babcock" and the attempt to forget the topic was too obvious.

She nodded "I always do well in my plays, Bonnie" and she smiled taking another drag of her cigarette.

He rolled his eyes.

"That would make you Clyde?" he laughed, making her chuckle "The only difference between them and us would be that they died in a…"

But he wasn’t able to finish his sentence "And that they were crazy about each other" she said coldly.

"Yeah" he said looking away "That too"

She stayed quiet as neither knew what to say next, as neither knew what to talk about after hurting each other so bad.

She closed her eyes "Why are you here?"

"I already told you woman, can’t you bloody believe me for one time in your damn life?"

"Oh and you expect me to suppose you’re here because of me?"

He sighed exasperated "I don’t expect anything from you"

She was caught off guard "You know what?" and he knew far too well it was a rhetorical question "You can just leave"

"Just as you did?"

She smoked looking away "What I did or didn’t do is my problem"

He massaged his temples, closing his eyes and running a hand through his hair "You’ll never change, will you?" and a smile formed in his lips for he didn’t expect her to change.

She took another drag, looking down at him "And you don’t want me to change"

He shook his head this time, tilting his head to the side and staring down to her hands, he swallowed looking away.

And at that moment she wished she had never gone there in the first place, that she had never listened to his words on the phone claiming he needed to see her, because he wasn’t there yet… and she wasn’t sure he wanted him to be.

He sighed uncomfortable for the first time that afternoon. But he simply smiled up at her as she rolled her eyes raising both eyebrows. And crossing her right leg over her left one she put the cigarette down.

"Do you miss New York?" she asked looking at him.

He hesitated before answering, his hands unbuttoning his dark jacket "Some times…" and his blue eyes travelled through the room "When I forget you’re here"

"Touché" she smiled putting her hair behind her ear.

He chuckled "How come we never get tired of…"

"Bickering?"

"Mmhmm" he nodded, looking up and down at her and getting caught up in how different and how alike she looked.

Her long legs covered only with a short –probably shorter than she used to wear-navy blue skirt, a three button blazer and a white blouse that revealed a little more than he had expected from her, her blond hair falling to her face and her lips with a very subtle red.

"I don’t know" she shrugged "I guess we simply got used to it…after doing it for more than fifteen years it’s hard to loose …" and as she noticed the intensity of his look she couldn’t help but to wonder.

"What?"

"Nothing" he answered too quickly, as if he had been caught doing something he shouldn’t have done.

She then looked down at her watch, and then over her shoulder sighing endlessly; trying not to meet his eyes.

"Waiting for someone?" he repeated, knowing she was about to lie.

But she only faked a smile not answering.

"So you got back your old penthouse?" he stated, his eyes searching for something inside hers. Not really wanting an answer.

Her eyes travelled through his body, a black shirt and black pants. Same hair cut "Yeah" she answered vaguely trying to avoid his eyes.

Then she looked up "Do you really care for any of this?"

He pretended hurt; he pretended surprise; as many other times he had pretended around her "Of course I do darling…"

"Don’t…" she closed her eyes "Don’t call me darling" and it was that it hurt more than any other nickname he had for her.

He looked at her, leaning all too close; a smirk in his face "And you like it more coming from him?" he whispered in her ear, sending sweet chills over her body.

He knew perfectly he had that effect on her; otherwise he wouldn’t have come. Otherwise he wouldn’t have bothered in returning to her after so much time.

She looked at him perplex, never in a million years would she have dreamt he of all people would say that.

"Why are you here?"

His right hand moved up to her chin, making her look up straight to his eyes; something she’d been avoiding all too obviously.

"We have some unresolved business Babcock. And we need to talk about it"

She shook her head with irony "What’s there to talk about?" she asked sarcastically, and again looked away.

He sighed angrily "You won’t make it easier on me will you?"

"It’s not like you made it easier on…"

"You? Bloody woman, you were the one that…" But he didn’t have the strength he needed to say it just yet.

"Don’t back out now Flavio, after all you started it" And she closed her eyes trying to remember why was it that they were now like they were. When was it really that their lives took different paths.

And she came back to that exact night. She opened her eyes maybe too fast, and his face was staring at her disappointed

Suddenly she felt a strange feeling taking over her, a feeling she refused to let show.

But she didn’t know; she didn’t know that he could read her like an open book.

"You’ll never admit it, will you?" he asked never taking his hand from her chin afraid that she would look away.

"Admit what?" she whispered low enough for him to hear.

"That you keep remembering my kisses" and the smirk that formed in his lips was too forced for her taste, was too false.

She pulled her face away from his touch, and once again she refused to remember that every night since she left had been a constant fight with her memory… because she kept remembering his touch and his kisses.

And the way he looked at her, as if she was the only woman in the room.

As he was looking at her right now.

What went wrong with them?

What the hell went wrong with them?

He looked away "Do you at least miss the Sheffields?"

She nodded, but her lips didn’t move.

"Even Fran?"

She shook her head "Don’t push it butler"

Then, when her eyes looked up she saw for the first time that night how really tired he was, and she understood that she was just as tired.

He only wanted an explanation, and she only wanted to explain.

Suddenly she noticed his eyes changed, and her stomach clenched at something she deep inside knew. He moved closer again, looking at her intensely "You don’t regret it?" He asked trying to get the truth out of her "You never regret every second?"

She closed her eyes "No" she mumbled as if the words hurt.

And they actually hurt.

She opened her eyes to look up at him "You?"

And the silence in his words intensified the knot she felt in her stomach, and she wished she could turn time backwards and not even let him propose.

"You were right" she smiled shaking her head.

He raised an eyebrow "Hm?"

"I’m going end up saying Merry Christmas to my friends in rehab and wondering what might have been… I always stayed too long at the fair"

He glared at her "Since when have you been the one to feel self pity?"

She simply looked up.

"I didn’t mean that Babcock and you know it well. You have a career many would give a leg to have, you’re sexy, witty, you’re capable of doing a lot by yourself; many of the things you’ve done in your life no one would have dared to do" and his tone kept getting angrier as he spoke "You were able to break my heart, and not many have done that…"

"And you said all that to what? Rub it in my face?" she glared tilting her head to the side "You very well know I didn’t …"

"Mean to do it?" and he laughed sarcastically "Can you leave the act? I know you C.C, I know you as well as I know myself" and he sighed "You’re not wearing the ring…"

"Neither are you"

He simply let himself lean back in the chair, playing with an unexciting ring and trying to remember when the last time he wore it was.

He ran a hand through his hair, and he closed his eyes as he heard her speak "Things weren’t working between us Niles"

"We could’ve at least tried, don’t you think?" he smiled ironically "And don’t give me the crap about how suffocated you bloody were Babs because we both know you’ve never been happier than when you were with me"

She looked away.

"Why?" he asked again.

"I don’t know…" her voice trialled off.

"Were you afraid…?"

"I’m not afraid Niles! I’m C.C Babcock don’t you see it?"

"I’ve been seeing it since the first day we met"

She closed her eyes once more "I’m not afraid" she whispered, and this time she was saying it more to herself than to him.

She tilted her head to the side and looked down at his hand, he tried to smile as well but was unable to "I’ve never been afraid" she said, her voice full with something that was not hate but was nowhere close to love.

Her eyes escaped him, just as they had escaped him that same day a year ago "Oh yeah? Then why did you leave?"

She sighed deeply, a hand massaging her temples "You wouldn’t understand it"

"You don’t loose anything trying to explain it to me. Because I’m sure as hell not getting it right now"

She took a deep breath before speaking, she had never been this scared before, not even the day she left him, a year ago "He… he keeps saying how brave I was to leave you" and she heard him mumbling a curse "And I can’t help to think I was a complete coward"

He didn’t say thing, he just waited.

And in that second she wished he would say something, anything. Even if it was against her, even if it was that he didn’t want to hear from her ever again.

"Because I thought…" and she knew she was about to regret her words "Because I thought it was a mistake"

And when she met his eyes she saw nothing.

Not even hate.

And it was that hate she was used to handle, especially coming from him.

He then nodded, buttoning his jacket and motioning to stand up. But her hand stopped him, and he only looked down to look up at her eyes.

And then his lips opened up to say something he’d wanted to say since he got there "Do you know how it is to be everyday checking your mail thinking you’re about to find the divorce papers in it? Do you know how it is to imagine that you ran away with someone else? Do you even imagine what it would’ve been if I had left you?"

And she was silent.

As he leaned closer to her, his eyes not daring to leave her face.

"Do you even…"

"Shut up Hazel" she said glaring at him, closing her eyes "Don’t you have anything to dust?"

"How about the left side of your bed?"

"That one is already used"

And he felt the anticipation they both knew by heart.

Her hand moved to his cheek as she leaned down to kiss him lightly on the lips, his eyes closed as he let her kiss him slowly, very slowly. And his lips remained still, fighting every urge in his body to kiss her back.

She parted her lips from him staying motionless a few inches away, a few inches he rapidly cut with his own mouth. Kissing her more intensely this time, his hand moved to the back of her neck pulling her closer to him.

She moaned.

He smiled against her lips.

Her hand resting in his thigh. And he kissed her as he had kissed her many times before she left. As he had kissed her their wedding night. As he had kissed her the day she lost their baby. And it seemed that if he opened his eyes they would both be again in LA, they would both be again where they were a year ago.

He let her lips go, and her eyes were still closed when he opened his "I told you, I knew you remembered" he whispered out of breath.

Her eyes moved away from his, she hated to do this; she hated to confuse things… but just seconds before she couldn’t help herself from kissing him.

"I never said I had"

He shrugged "You implied it"

"So much for implying bullshit"

He turned serious "Us… was never bullshit"

She shook her head "It never was" and her emphasis in the word was made him stare away.

"You don’t even want to know what it meant. You’re too damn scared that it could mean that you still love me don’t you?"

"You perfectly know the answer to that Niles, we’ve discussed it…"

"Oh so many times?" he simply let out "Give me a break Babcock, please give me a break…" but she was quicker to hush him with her lips.

"You need to hear me out before you start rambling, butler"

And he leaned back in his sit, gaining the composure he had lost when she had kissed him unexpectedly. And for the first time that night he saw her smile genuinely, shaking her head at him and almost closing her eyes right before rolling them.

She sighed before starting "I’d lost it… you know?" and her eyes were glassy, and not because they had tears in them, it had been a while since she had cried at all "…and the only way I could get it back was by coming back to the theatre…"

"You never lost it" and she shushed him with her eyes.

"Yes I did, television is not for me" and her eyes looked up at him "Just as I think Lemon Bowl Fresh is not for you. Here I’m in change, there… there in LA there were too many things out of my control"

"I never asked you…"

"I’m sorry, am I interrupting something?" he said placing a hand in her shoulder. Neither had noticed he had been standing there and it came as a shock. She only looked at the time, not meeting his eyes.

"You’re twenty minutes late"

"I know but I got…"

"…caught up with work" she finished for him "I know that excuse by heart, sweetie" she said ironically.

He looked down meeting Niles’ gaze "I’m sorry do I know you?" he spoke relentlessly.

"No, I’m C.C’s…" but when he met her pleading eyes he understood "We used to work together"

"Oh" and without any other excuse he was the one that looked at the time "We really need to go C.C" and she only nodded, noticing from the corner of her eyes as he paid the check, very business like.

"It was a pleasure meeting you…"

"Niles"

"It was a pleasure meeting you Niles" and he put his hand for him to take it. But he didn’t.

She stood up with him and didn’t glance back "I’m sorry Rubbermaid" she whispered as she walked through.

And he turned to see him walking ahead, leaving her behind. And he turned to see her hesitate. He only walked up to her, taking his wrist in his hand firmly "Don’t go"

But she turned around shaking her head "You wouldn’t leave them for me… I can’t go back Niles"

"You could if you wanted to"

The horn of a taxi screamed from the street, and neither had to look for they already knew what awaited them. She met his eyes, biting her lower lip and without a second look kissed his cheek to turn in her heels and leave.

He sighed watching the cab getting lost in the busy street, and he turned on his cell phone because he knew all too well it wouldn’t take long for her to call him.

He closed his eyes walking down the side walk, trying to convince himself.

It wouldn’t take long.

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