Hair Shlock

(Fran and Val are at The Icebox (a new salon in Flushing) about to get their hair dyed and cut)

(While walking to the Front Desk)

Fran- So Val how much hair are ya gonna get cut off today?

Val- I don’t know maybe I’m just gonna get it trimmed, how about you?

Fran- May be about an inch or two

Val- Ya know I’ve been thinking, maybe the reason why we don’t attract that many guys is because of our hair

Fran- Excuse Me but my hair is just fine

(At the front desk)

Secretary- Hello first names please?

Fran- Fran

Val- And I’m Val

Secretary- And what would you like today?

Val- Well number one I would like to meet a dark handsome man and get my hair trimmed and dyed.

(Fran gives Val a confused look)

Fran- I’ll have a basic cut and what is the Dye Combo?

Secretary- Well I’m not that sure exactly what it is but I know it includes a Dye and Cut

Fran- Ok well I’ll get that

Secretary- What color would you like your hair dyed?

Fran- Do you have Chocolate Brown?

Secretary- Yes ma’am and how many inches would you like cut off?

Fran- About one and a half inches

Secretary- Ok that will be $39.24 and what will you have Val?

Val- I’ll have a Trim and a dye

Secretary- O.K. what color would you like?

Val- I’ll take the Blonde Rage

Secretary- Val that will be $30.99 and I will call you two when there are available hair stylists

Fran- Thank you

(While In the waiting room Fran is looking at a magazine)

Fran- Val can you believe John John’s getting married?

Val- It won’t last long I mean who can stay with a man like John John

Fran- I would have no problem being with John John

Val- That’s because ya desperate

Fran- Val ya such a Nudnick

(The Secretary Calls Fran and Val)

Stylist- Hello Fran my name is Matthew and I’m going to be your stylist today are you ready?

Fran- Sure am

Matthew- Are you a regular or is this your first time?

Fran- First Time

Matthew- Well Fran you’re going to fall in love with the Icebox

Fran- Well, at any picnic I am in love with the Icebox, ohhhh ya meant the salon

Matthew- Yeah common mistake, well lets get to the sink

(Fran looks in the mirror after Matthew is done with Her Hair, Which Is as straight as a pin)

Fran- oy, what happened, what am I going to do

Matthew- You don’t like?

(Fran is angry)

Fran- If ya don’t mind my asking why is my hair straight

Matthew- Fran you got the combo the combo has a perm in the Hair Dye

Fran- Didn’t cha think ya could a told me, someone must a put a schlock on me

Matthew- What’s a Schlock?

Fran- If ya must know it means a curse, someone must a put a curse on me oh no what am I going to do

Matthew- The Perm will go away in about a few months

Fran- You don’t understand, I got a great man at home and three kids which look up to me because of my style which is now ruined

(Val’s Stylist is done with her hair, She walks over to Fran to see how her hair came out)

Val- Fran what happened to ya hair?

Fran- The Dye had a perm in it!!!!!, what is Mr.Sheffield gonna think of me

Val- What does he think of ya now?

Fran- Shut up Val!!!!, let’s just get out of here

(At home Fran puts a scarf on her head to hide the straightness of her hair)

Max- Did Loemanns have another sale today?

Fran- no I just thought it matched well with my outfit

Max- You know Miss. Fine I will never get you

(Maggie walks into the room)

Maggie- Fran what’s up with the scarf?

Fran- Oh Maggie you have to help I went to The Icebox that new salon in town and got my hair dyed which had a perm in it and I don’t want your father to see me like this he won’t be attracted to me

Maggie- Don’t panic I’m sure that he will like it

(Fran sees Mr.Sheffield on the couch later that night and goes to talk to him)

Fran- Um Mr.Sheffield how do you think I would look with straight hair

Max- You have straight hair?

Fran- Now Mr.Sheffield let’s not assume things

Max- My Apologies

Fran- No it’s o.k.

(Fran pulls off the scarf)

Max- Oh goodness

Fran- I know it looks horrible but I don’t know what to do

Max- No, No you look very classy and intelligent

Fran- I thought for sure that you weren’t going to like it

Max- Now Miss.Fine your assuming things

(Fran smiles)

Max- Your hair makes me wanna kiss you

Fran- MR. SHEFFIEELLD

Max- Get over here Miss.Fine

Fran- Coming

(Fran and Max Kiss)

The End

Here is a small dictionary of Queens English:

Bubele- Darling

Bubkis- Nothing

Chutzpah- Gall

Feh- Disgust

Kibitz- Intervene

Klutz- Clumsy

Kvetch- Whiner

Mensch- Special Man

Meshugeneh- Crazy Women

NudNick- Annoying Pest

Oy- Oh No

Schlemiel- Fool

Scholck- A Curse

Shlump- A Slob

For more check out www.Lifetimetv.com

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