Back to Fan Fictionby
Malu Reis
(goodandplenty@bigfoot.com)
Knowing it could be her last chance with him, C.C. rationally put Niles’ latest attitudes on a scale and came to realize that he couldn’t be possibly toying with her emotions anymore. Just a few minutes earlier he opened up his heart and said he loved her. He didn’t ask her to marry him. He didn’t imply just a physical attraction like many times. He literally gathered her within his arms as never before and said straight to her face that he loved her. She refused to believe that he would go to such length just to hurt her in the future.
Decided to prove that she also had feelings for him she took a deep breath, found a way to seduce the man, and prayed for him to fall for her just one last time.
_____________________
Seconds later she was before his room again. Thirty minutes had passed since she left that place and he would be probably asleep. The noise outside due to the storm was loud, but she didn't want to risk waking up anybody except him, therefore, she decided not to knock.
Glad to feel under her fingers that he had left the door unlocked, she entered the room as quiet as dead, climbed his bed, got under the covers, and leaned onto his back.
The Butler was still awake though. In total surprise he silently wondered what she could possibly want with him this turn.
Her perfume and warm breath threatened to drive him mad, but still, nothing compared to what her probing hands were doing to him. He was delighted and disturbed at the same time when he realized what she was up to. C.C. Babcock was using the same trick she used a few years earlier when they all got trapped in the Fine's place. In that occasion he had to make a huge effort - from his head to his toe - for not showing any physical response. Now, years later, he was living the same thrilling challenge. Nevertheless, when she deliberately whispered at his ear, "I hope you don't mind but loneliness insisted we trade places"; he nearly failed.
Niles closed his eyes trying to remain calm. -"If you are looking for what I think you are, that is not it." He darted in a hoarse tone. Despite the sensations she was causing him, he was still very upset with her.
-"No, I’m not after the hot-water bottle." She let out dryly.
-"It’s not what I had in mind." He let out in the same tone.
She felt embarrassed but wasn’t about to give up. Not this time…He would have to do a lot better than that to kick her out of his bed. -"It seems that you have no idea what I’ve been looking for." She insisted.
-"Just a shot in the dark. It has been there for you for over twenty years but you always insisted on hunting for somebody else's."
-"I think I'm about to regret this." She muttered. -"You know that is not true, Niles."
-"Yes, and Oshkosh B’Gosh is a Jewish holiday."
-"Say what you will…But you know…that is not true."
-"If you take a trip to memory lane, Miss Babcock, you’ll recall that about six years ago you tried this same maneuver on somebody else and it didn’t work; fate stroke back. Are you denying that?"
-"I reiterate, you know that is not true."
-"Are you saying that you and I on that bed was a trick of my imagination?"
-"It’s not what I’m saying."
-"What kind of crap then?" His voice turned louder.
-"Niles, it was an act…a premeditated act. Okay, I came to my senses after your reaction. But I knew it wasn’t Max on that sofa-bed, moron." Her voice went up in the same tone.
-"Lie." He let out sternly.
She sighed loudly. -"I went after Maxwell, it’s true, but just because I knew you were sleeping in the same room."
-"Lie-lie-lie, C.C.!"
-"Oh, for heavens’ sake! There was light enough for a mole to see that the man lying there was wearing this instead of pajamas." She implied the T-shirt she was wearing and that coincidentally was the same thing that he was wearing at the time.
He grumbled lowly at her.
-"I swear, I could see it was you. A color blind knows the difference between this and blue. I saw Maxwell’s PJs before he went to bed. And what about light hair from dark hair." She leaned forward trying to see his face.
It was becoming difficult - not to say impossible - to keep himself inert.
-"And if that was not enough, I would never mix up his cologne with yours." She nuzzled his neck.
He sighed confused.
-"I went there with one idea and found out that I could do a lot better when I realized it was you lying there."
He roared louder not buying a word.
She smiled. -"I bet I drove you mad to your bones making you think that all that, or should I say, all this attention was for him, didn’t I?" She let out the whole last sentence in a provocative tone.
-"Very hard to believe."
-"And I can make it harder." She moved her hand slowly.
He closed his eyes fighting desperately for self-control.
-"Niles, I make my scenes sometimes, it’s a fact. But one thing is a come-on; it’s like a game. Like-like when your flirt with Yetta or Sylvia. Max never complained because like everybody else in this planet, he likes his Ego massaged from time to time. But I would never go to such extreme with him. First he would kick my butt for good and then would make a scandal that would awake a hibernating bear in the Arctic."
He was silent.
-"Look, I knew nanny Fine was running loose around that place. I was sleeping in her room with the girls. If I was really interested in him, don’t you think I would go after them to see what they were doing?"
-"You didn’t because you thought it was him on that couch."
-"Alright, I have no way to prove this to you. You believe it or not. All I can say is, I wanted to make you suffer; period."
-"Make me suffer? Ha! Dare I ask you, why?"
-"Because I was deeply hurt with your attitude for weeks. You began to treat me worse after Fran came to this house."
-"I did not!"
-"You did to…You were loving the fact that Maxwell was drooling for her since the very beginning and would be no longer available."
-"That would never stop you."
-"You wanted him hooked up with somebody else."
-"I did what I did because they were perfect for each other."
-"Perhaps. But admit just once in your life that all these years you were jealous about Maxwell and me. Fran was your chance to finally have him out of the way."
-"Miss Babcock, if I were you, I would cancel with Dr. Bort. It’s not working." He said dryly and still not moving a muscle.
-"Now who’s fooling whom, doctor Woolite?"
He sighed hard. -"Okay..Okay, I admit I was pushing them together not only because they deserved to be together. But why should I be punished for that?"
-"What?"
-"You said you climbed that bed in that vexatious scene to make me suffer."
-"Yes."
-"Just because I was pushing Mr. Sheffield and Fran together?"
-"Because in order to accomplish that you were treating me like junk. More than usual, I mean."
-"Look…"
-"But also and especially…" She interrupted him. -"…because there was another something about you that was making me sick for years."
-"What, the fact that I was still breathing?" He jested confused.
-"No, the fact that I found out about your little affair with one of Max's cousins."
-"Hmm?!" Niles mumbled even more puzzled.
-"You thought I didn't know about your rich romance, huh? I wouldn't be shocked if I found out that you were going out with Susan in the same occasion that you said you wanted me."
-"Sus..? Dear me, you mixed up the drinks cupboard with the sink cabinet and drank Pine Sol again? What the devil are you talking about, woman?"
-"I'm talking about you and Susan Lipton; Maxwell's cousin. A romance that probably started around the week I first met you. I saw you dancing with her in her brother’s wedding. I have no idea why you stopped seeing each other but I bet the romance heat up again a few years later when Sara died and I caught you in the kitchen kissing her."
He frowned in rising shock.
-"God Niles, the woman-was-married!" Her hand now was free and frantically slapping his back.
He turned over and caught her furious wrist. -"First off, the name is, Lynton."
-"Whatever!"
With the other hand he checked her forehead. -"No, not fevered at all."
-"Stop Niles. I'm not a fool."
-"No, you are not a fool. You're just minimal cranial developed, that's what you are! First you imply I had something with Mr. Sheffield’s sister, now you come up with Susan Lynton?"
-"Well, I caught you kissing both in that kitchen."
-"No-no-no, whoa Nellie! If you saw something, you saw Jocelyn kissing me in that kitchen."
-"Oh, poor defenseless little thing is Niles."
-"Spare me of your irony, Babcock. That thing really caught me by surprise. She looks weak but has a grasp to put "The Rock" and "Stone Cold" down on their knees." Adding under his breath. -"Of course she never tried to hug you."
-"Stop B.S.ing me, Carpet Wizard! Okay, I deleted Jocelyn from my list after I heard that she came from England to meet a guy who turned out to be all wrong that Christmas. But I can’t believe you’ll say that you had nothing going on with Susan Ly-Ly…Lynton."
-"Aw Sweet Lord in Heaven, if wasn't Clairol, what kind of product did shrink your brain?"
-"Ni-…"
-"I met Susan the first time when we organized her brother's wedding twenty years ago and I admit I danced with her in that celebration. But was that a crime?
-"Ni-..."
-"She was having piano lessons and you know how I like to play sometimes. All I did was to lend her some British pop music scores. We somehow became closer for that, if you may even say so, but that was that. She got married about a year later with a very nice lad and moved to another state. I never saw her again until Mr. Sheffield's first wife passed away, and then, never again."
-"Then why were you hugging and kissing her in that kitchen."
-"I was?" He frowned again, lost for a second…-"When? How?"…then exploded. -"And why did you come back here?"
-"First of - yes - you were kissing her, no use to deny it. And second, you are right, I have no idea what I came back here for."
She tried to jump off the bed but he caught her. -"Where do you think you are going?"
-"I’m trying to dialogue with you but you are impossible. Lemme g.."
A short wrestling match took place as he finally pulled her back.
-"Can't you once in your life stay put, you stubborn blonde?!"
-"No."
-"You want to talk? Let's talk! It’s about time." Suddenly the whole scene with Susan came back to his mind. -"I remember what happened now, but you weren't even there."
-"I saw you through the backdoor." She said dryly.
-"You "think" you saw what you saw."
-"I saw. I have eyes of a hawk."
-"And the face to match it, you fool!"
She puffed.
-"I was certainly not "hugging and kissing her". I was embracing her and the kiss was on her cheek. She couldn’t come for the funeral and you know that. She came a week later to pay her respects to Mr. Sheffield and the children. I was telling her the sad details about Mrs. Sheffield's death and she was in tears. All I did was to comfort her, something that most human beings do for their fellow men and that someday I hope you can learn." He let out the last sentence in rising anger.
Now - she - was confused.
-"You know me rather well to recognize I would never mix up things and the only time I did…" He sighed. -"…I carried the scars forever."
-"Some of my wounds are still open." She mumbled knowing exactly what he meant with the last line.
He felt his blood racing fast through his veins again, a mixture of desire and fury. -"Wounds that you made with your own disturbed mind. And don't take me for an idiot, C.C.. You finally realized he would never look at you as a woman, didn't you? Why can't you admit that you always wanted the man but has to swallow the fact that he doesn't want you?!" The volume of his voice went up with each accusation.
-"Because it’s not true, damned!" She let out distressfully. -"Gosh Niles, one moment you imply you couldn’t care less if I liked Maxwell or not, the next moment you act like an irrational Neanderthal, consumed by jealousy, and pissed with a man that never noticed my presence in this world, let alone in his life."
-"Babcock, you knew very well my feelings for you since the day we met. It’s not Mr. Sheffield that I am upset with." He clenched his jaw to control his anger. -"Why should I pretend I liked every time I saw you shooting your shameless come-ons looking at him adoringly, or touching him every chance you got?"
-"But you pretend! You pretend - pretend - pretend!"
-"What are you talking about? I never hid the fact that I disapproved you hitting on him."
-"Just because you knew I wasn’t the right woman for your…" Using question marks with her fingers. -"…baby brother, so to speak. Not because of me."
-"Because I knew you weren’t in love with him; because you were just obsessed." He hit her deliberately with every word.
She was immovable watching him in mute despair.
-"Because you would spoil the rest of his life…but above all…you would destroy the rest of my life!"
-"Niles, you say I knew how you felt since our day one, but you are wrong. I never truly knew about your feelings until a couple of minutes ago when you said for the very first time…" She hesitated not daring to look in his eyes. -"…"I love you"." Hoping he could read between the lines.
He was caught out of action. His hard features made clear to her that his feelings were totally out of place.
-"Max was in fact a good husband material for me once, I won’t deny it. But only for the status he represented. The man was lovely and I was too young. But he was engaged and shortly later married my best friend. I immediately threw his folder in a drawer and locked it there for good. He is attractive and I implied that a dozen times. But although I might have played the monster all these years, be aware my friend, there is no bigger turn off for me in this whole-damn-world than a friend’s husband. You might not believe but deep inside I still have some dignity."
-"You could fight for him after she died."
-"I could never separate his image from Sara’s."
He shook his head. -"That's a good tale, Babcock." He conceded dryly. -"Why don't I believe you?"
-"Aw look, although it costs me to admit, you are an intelligent man..."
-"Thank you." He bit out with an indifferent countenance.
-"You know how much I suffered with Sara’s loss. Did you ever buy that I could be after him and glad that she was finally gone?"
-"My reasonable side would say ‘no’ but a man in love is seldom reasonable."
She smiled at his comment.
-"Not to mention that it’s hard to believe that you liked her so much when you keep mistaking her name as if she was the pool guy." He sighed.
-"You really think I’m a monster, don’t you?"
He pouted observing her for a second. -"I wouldn’t say that but if I were still in my heart medication I wouldn’t leave it around. I’m sure you would find for it a very high street-value."
-"I don’t believe my ears. Look, I would love to stay and trade witty insults with you, but I’m tired. It will never work for us anyway." She moved to jump off the bed again but he held her.
-"I’m sorry."
-"I don’t think so."
He pulled her closer. -"I really am. I think you are a lot of things, Miss Babcock, but not a monster. At least not in the way I just implied. And in Mrs. Sheffield’s case…I know you are bad with names but…" He paused for a second. -"...but in her case I suspect it was another act. Part of the crust, the shell that protects you from any emotion in this life; especially sadness."
She lowered her face.
-"Am I right?"
She nodded avoiding his gaze.
He stared at her during the long moment of silence that followed that admission. Her eyes were far.
-"C.C.?"
She gasped lowly. -"Mm? I was just wondering…." She bit her lower lip and resumed. -"Listen, I could never fall for Maxwell, Niles. Neither before nor after Sara passed on. Especially…" She stopped again. This time afraid to sound unreal.
-"Especially?"
-"Nothing. Forget it."
-"Especially?" He insisted dryly.
-"Especially because when she died – may her soul rest in peace – there was already an ‘obstacle’ between Max and me. A thorn in my paw that never let me think of him or any other man again."
He knew that that thorn in her paw could only mean him but his face remained incredulous.
-"Believe me Niles, I know it sounds crazy but I really chased Maxwell all these years to hurt you. It’s totally different. I always knew he would never fall for me or else I would never play with his feelings. He’s a very nice man and I respect him very much." She blushed a little. -"Well, not that much considering the fact that I used him over the years; at least until his marriage to Fran."
-"Ha! Even after, woman!"
-"There you go, even after. But again, just to hurt you, you!" She waited for some cooperation. For a moment she thought she had reached him but then the moment was gone and his features assumed an ice-cold mask again.
He scowled at her. -"Bullshit, Babcock!" Then jumped off his bed in a drastic swing of mood.
-"What?! Wh-where are you going?"
-"No place! I just want to breathe!" He leaned against the windowpane observing the rain outside and panting with the outburst.
She looked at him in silence, desperately searching for a way to make him understand. Deep inside she was proud to see that using Maxwell as a weapon and sometimes as a shield against his attitude somehow paid off. However, she wondered with some concern, if the target hadn’t been hit too often during the years.
He broke the silence not taking his eyes off the street. -"You accuse me of playing with your heart or with the similar muscle that you use to pump blood to your veins. But what about you?"
-"I-.."
He made a sign for her to stop and started pacing from side to side again. -"All these years you also played your role rather well, you know that? Let’s see some of the things you called me…" He let out ironically. -"Cheap, frugal, old, ugly, useless."
-"You did the same-..."
He interrupted her spitting words irrationally. -"Making fun with the way I cut my hair."
She bit out. -"I love your hair."
Not paying attention. -"Making fun of my body."
-"Trust me, I love your body." She let out leaving no shadow of doubt.
-"Making fun of my skills."
-"I love your skills." She smiled implying every possible.
-"Making fun of my wardrobe."
-"I love your wardrobe."
-"Making fun of ME!"
-"I love you." She let out almost inaudible but with no hesitation.
-"You what?" He turned at her for the first time.
-"Nothing." She played.
-"What did you say?"
-"I didn’t say anything." She pouted.
He continued in his sarcasm and anger. -"Dear-sweet-over-compensating-for-his-little-spatula, Niles."
-"Words, Niles. Just words."
-"Some of them hurt; like the sharpest blades."
-"They were supposed to. Did you forget already some of the nice words that you used against me? Shall I spit my list on you now?"
-"How am I supposed to react when I find out that you told an employee of the house that I was your father?"
-"That’s past. We already talked about it."
-"We already argued about it!"
-"And that led us nowhere!" Talking in a compulsive rush. -"That Panzer excuse for a nanny got a hundred bucks to throw that one on you and you know it. And who are you to complain? Who told Maxwell’s baby brother, I was nanny Fine’s mother - just to quote one of yours?"
He pouted.
She sighed loudly. -"You paid zillions of people to mess with my brains, with my pocket and especially with my heart. Yes mister, I do have one!"
-"I doubt."
-"And don’t pretend to be squeaky clean because you are not. You made my life a purgatory! Worse yet, a living hell!"
-"Oh, and you made mine like an all-expenses-paid-vacation to paradise."
They were both staring and puffing at each other like two bulls inside an arena.
Fighting for self-control she restarted in a defensively lower tone. -"Again, why are we discussing this?"
-"I still don’t know what to think."
-"Why don’t you start by admitting that maybe, just maybe, all the zingers, barbs, comebacks that you aimed and shoot against me for over twenty long years served to prove me how witty and remarkably intelligent you are, but they hurt me as deeply."
-"You’re right. We’re missing the point." Chuckling nervously. -"You won’t convince me, sister."
-"I’m lost already. Convince you of what?"
-"You never cared for him, my foot!"
She started getting weepy. -"Niles, you can’t be that dense. Please, you have to help me."
-"Clearly somebody has to." He muttered implying she was not sounding reasonable. -"You say I made you life miserable, right? What about all those Valentine's Days?"
-"What Valentine’s Days?" She questioned legitimately confused.
-"I have plenty of them to complain about."
-"Niles, I hate to be reminded of the bitterest day of the year for me."
-"Believe me, you know how to make them even bitter."
-"What Valentine’s Days?" She insisted uncomfortably.
-"Just to choose one. You appear with a gorgeous black dress, a basket with caviar and wine and under my nose you say to Mr. Sheffield, "I thought while we were working, you might want something to nibble on"… He mimicked her sensual way.
-"Mmm..that was some Valentine’s Day..." She could not restrain a gurgle of laughter.
-"Yes…" He bit out very irritated. -"…Do you want me to remind you of others?"
-"No, thanks very much."
-"I was behind that door C.C., I heard the man kissing you and you completed the scene with, "perhaps you should dim the lights"." Impersonating her soft voice again.
She frowned. -"Did that hurt you?"
His very hard features confirmed.
-"I’m glad to know."
-"Ah.." He let out upset.
-"Niles, you play the victim but you are not. You are looking for a duel? Okay, let’s duel. I can be as good at this as you are, trust me."
He shook his head.
-"You were pestering me the entire week before that fatidic Valentine’s Day, mister. Let’s see if I remember how the whole thing got started." She strummed her chin with her fingers for a second. -"First of, I came in all glad that I was rid of that old lady living next to me and that I was finally able to remodel my apartment, and you came up with, "a bigger bedroom. Aren’t we being a glutton for punishment?" Her turn to mimic him.
He swallowed uncomfortable.
-"Then Maxwell said he had nobody in particular to spent that Valentine’s Day with. I didn’t make a move or said anything, and yet you attacked me with, "Oh, good news! You got the day off". "
He lowered his face amazed how she could actually remember his words verbatim.
-"In the sequence Max said something about that lady of the Schubert Organization and you jumped all excited about her... "Oh, the redhead, sir"?"
He was motionless.
-"And on top of it, in the next day, you literally stole fifty bucks from me with that stupid disappearance trick."
-"Sucker."
-"It was the first time, when I was up to here with your jokes and remarks, that I decided to return your attacks implying that I wanted to be left alone with him in the house. Who does really have the right to complain here, tell me?"
-"Implied? You were ready to stab me on the chest!"
-"Niles, I could easily run through the Giants’ and the Jets’ defense but I would still be tackled by you, that day."
-"Like I was going to leave you alone with him."
-"I didn’t want to be left alone with him, I just wanted you off my hair! I hate Valentine’s Day and you were making it a lot worse for me."
-"MmHmm.." He let out with great misgivings.
-"Look, so we were both at each others’ throats. What are you so upset about?"
-"Because you won’t convince me that you never had a thing for the man. What about the scandal you did when I turned the lights off leaving you there alone? I was listening at the other side of the door. You wanted Mr. Sheffield there with you."
-"Like Maxwell would stay and turn off the lights that way. I thought it was you there with me. Those words were to upset you. When I realized, on top of everything, that I was left alone talking to myself, I just blew." She sighed. -"Look, let’s end this stupid argue this way, I knew you would never leave the house for the two of us. So what’s the big deal? Besides, if you did, then I would be truly upset."
-"Why?"
-"I would know you didn’t care."
He was caught up on another one but disguised. -"Oh yeah?"
-"Yeah." She simply replied.
He pouted like a spoiled boy again. -"And what about the trips you planned to have with him?"
She muttered. -"Oh God, he’s gonna milk this forever." Then sighed. -"You would always spoil them from the very beginning."
-"..and those that I didn't?" He asked threateningly.
-"If I told you I behaved like a good girl, would you believe?"
-"No."
-"Then what is the point on asking me?"
-"I rather believe that he behaved."
-"How dare you?"
-"What about the sorority reunion? "Who's more important, me or the nanny?" God C.C., the woman was being prepared for surgery."
-"I know Niles but..."
-"No buts...it’s a fact."
-"I was humiliated in anticipation. I even got drunk in that reunion."
-"Because again things didn't work out quite as you planned, did they? He preferred the nanny."
-"…"Because" I found out he wouldn’t show up and you would have another great kick out of it."
-"Me?"
-"Niles, you started making fun of me way before I left that hospital. I remember you fixing her covers and humming "The Jeopardy Theme" right on my face. I could read in your forehead, written in neon lights, Take that, you pathetic loser. What did you want after that, I asking you to escort me to that reunion?"
-"Wouldn’t be a bad idea."
-"Yeah, right. Like I had the guts."
-"You could have asked me before I made fun of you."
She hesitated.
-"What about your depression when you realized that the "Barracuda Simpson" could nail him?"
-"Let me.."
-"..or the day you found out Fran was marrying her ex-fiancée. You almost put the house on fire. I could hear from the kitchen."
-"Can I say something here first?" She interrupted him impatiently.
He arched his eyebrow.
-"I didn’t invite you to that sorority reunion for fear. I wanted him escorting me that time."
-"I think I have the answer but I would love to hear it from you. Why?"
-"Because he meant good marketing among those successful people that I have no idea why I call friends, I admit, but especially because he would never humiliate me in public."
-"I don’t fit these places, is that what you mean?"
-"What?! No! Of course it’s not what I mean." She said gently. -"When you want, there is no such a gentleman as you."
-"So?"
-"Because your tongue was especially ferine that week. I didn’t want but I had to go to that reunion. They were potential backers, first of all. But those people are sharks. I was afraid you could let me down for some good fun. I don’t know, I was just afraid…"
-"You were afraid I could tell them that I was a butler, weren’t you?"
-"I don’t remember my feelings, Niles. But the answer could be ‘yes’. It could be that too. I just truly don’t know."
-"Would that be still important to you?"
-"The fact that you are a butler?"
-"Yes." He ran over her nervously.
-"Niles, I was truly concerned about what you did for a living in very few moments during all these years. One of them was the occasion when I met you thinking you were rich and then finding out you weren’t. That bothered me."
-"But-..."
-"But…" She interrupted him. -"But bothered me firstly because I thought you were aware of the fact that I was rich. I thought you were taking advantage of that."
-"What? You mean in that back yard?!"
-"Yes."
-"I knew nothing about you, C.C.. Except that they were hiring somebody to substitute Mrs. Sheffield. Mr. Sheffield didn’t want her working so much anymore; she was pregnant."
-"You don’t need to tell me what I already know. But for that entire week I hated you thinking that you had made a pass at me because somehow you knew my profile before we met. When I appeared in that back yard you simply imagined, "there comes the pigeon"."
-"You always expecting the worst from me." He smirked. -"Well, when you appeared in that back yard I can tell you exactly what I was thinking…" He chuckled. -"And trust me, somehow it also won’t sound neat."
She rascal smiled. -"Then we are two, baby. Remember how you were dressed?"
He nodded chuckling sensuously.
She fanned herself playfully.
-"I can’t believe you thought I was after your money." He panned.
-"But I did. I was hurt and confused in that hospital and that’s why I attacked you even after you..." She swallowed hard and looked away from him again.
-"After I saved your life?"
She nodded.
-"Let it be."
She sighed. -"And the second thing that bothered me is that I saw myself deadly curious to know what my parents could possibly say about you being a butler; especially my mother. But I don’t know if I would really give a damn about their opinion anymore. I’ll have to think to answer you."
-"Honesty…I like that. Go on."
-"What was your other question?"
-"Why were you so depressed about Miss Simpson stealing him away from you?"
-"Aw Niles, whose shoulders I went to cry on? I mean, about Chloe."
-"Fran's."
-"Yours! Nanny Fine was there, okay, but you were the one I was after. I entered that kitchen whining and thinking, "let the Butler suffer thinking I'm suffering for somebody else"."
Hard to believe but it made some sense, he had to admit. -"And what about Miss Fine getting married to Imperialli?"
-"What about it?"
-"What about it? You made such big fuzz about it. She was finally leaving the Broadway Producer all alone, wasn’t she?"
-"Not exactly. It was a relief, I won’t deny it. I told you I was annoyed with her presence. She scared me. Her looks, her closeness."
-"They weren't that proximate in the beginning."
-"Niles please, you are making things very difficult for me." She said helplessly.
-"What?" He asked not getting it.
-"She was close to you."
-"Aw, spare me!" He turned his back on her.
-"That’s it! I can’t take this conversation any longer." She jumped off the bed and walked hard towards the door.
He caught her again. -"Don’t even think about it."
-"Niles, let me go!"
He lifted her and carried her back to his bed dropping her there as a potato sack. She looked up at him in awe. -"You-.."
-"Shut up, whip-cracker! You walk out that door now and you won’t drive a word towards me ever again, do you get me?!"
She avoided his glare. Those ice-blue-eyes could look a hole through a person and make her skin shiver.
-"Don’t you see that this is a perfectly normal reaction from a man that just doesn’t know what to think? Would you care to give me some more time?"
-"`K.." She whispered.
He took a deep breath and carried on. -"So, you say Fran annoyed you with her proximity with me, is that what you were saying?"
She dropped her eyes feeling silly.
-"Is that what you were saying?" He insisted lifting her chin roughly.
-"Yes." She was confused. -"I hated her because she was fun, beautiful and because you liked her. The fact that she was marring that thing destitute of a brain would lead her off your tail forever. Your tail, not Maxwell's!"
-"She's just one of my best friends."
-"Today I know that." She let out cynically. -"But what did you expect from me when among all things that were running through my mind, I’ve heard that you loved to take your strolls with your Hoover in front of her old room."
-"Ahh.."
-"Ahh? Will you deny that every chance you got you were there to have a peek? I’m surprised they didn’t find crude oil in the tracks you probably dug pacing in that hallway out there."
-"That’s ridiculous! Who told you that?"
-"The little one…years ago. She actually innocently said out loud to her siblings and I overheard."
-"No. I am not going to deny it. But it was a boyish thing. She would never be undressed, as you in between the lines is trying to imply with your sick mind." He laughed to himself recalling once, when he caught Mr. Sheffield and Fran in a "very serious wrestling". -"Well, except once."
-"When?"
He arched his eyebrow again.
-"Oh, that story that you made up with that note?"
He chuckled.
-"I should have used that chopper on you."
-"So you found it?" He played sardonically.
-"No. It’s still unnoticed in my purse."
-"How come you never brought it back."
-"Because I had to hand it over to the security guard of my bank, when I heard a voice asking, excuse me lady, what do you intend to do with that blade? He found it."
-"Really?" He choked a laugh.
-"Yes. Thank God they knew me there or you would be probably making regular visits to the penitentiary to bring me soap and nicotine patches."
He guffawed.
-"Very funny, nanny stalker."
-"Again, it was a boyish thing, C.C.."
-"You mean pathetic?"
He shrugged.
She kept observing him with the same suspicious glare that he shot at her minutes before.
Defensive he added. -"And she knew about that all the time."
-"Yeah, right."
-"If I knew you hated Fran because of me, trust me, you would really have something to complain."
-"What do you mean?" She asked apprehensively.
-"The way you bugged that woman? I bet she would have a great fun pretending to have something with me to hurt you back. Even though I think she knew there was nothing between you two, she sometimes couldn’t hide from me the fact that she was madly jealous about Mr. Sheffield."
-"And me?"
-"Yes."
-"Get out of here!"
-"No. She tried to disguise but I know her rather well. You put her in great pain too."
-"I can’t believe it."
-"C.C., they were already married and she came to me a few months ago showing me her wedding picture with your face attached over hers."
C.C. gasped. -"Shi…So she was the one to find it? I thought it was you."
-"No. I saw when she showed me."
-"I can’t believe that she saw that picture and never told Max." She covered her mouth in awe. -"Did you talk her out of it?"
-"I would but there was no need. She took as another bad joke and decided to let you get away with it. She knew he would probably dissolve your partnership."
-"It wasn’t exactly for her to see. That prank was again, for you. Maxwell was out of the country and wouldn’t catch me. She was out, trying to gain back that one mil from that Roger…"
-"Rodney."
-"Roger, Rodney, what’s the difference?"
-"What did that picture have to do with-..?"
-"I could barely wait to see them quarreling about that money when he returned. He would have a bunch of gray hair added to that streak but nothing more serious would happen, I’m sure. However, those facts were the perfect cue for me to imply that I was expecting him to ask for divorce after she screwed up so badly. You were dusting something down stairs and I wanted to needle you when you got to that table. She was out and would never see that."
-"But she saw it."
-"I totally forgot about it. I would leave there for a few minutes, time enough for you to see it and then I would take that off. But now I remember that they both returned unexpectedly at that moment and all hell broke loose catching my attention." She thought for a second. -"Gee, I completely forgot to rip that off." Her eyes were wide open. -"Amazing. I’m shocked. She could really have my neck hung with that thing in her hands and she never turned me in."
-"She is a very nice woman, C.C.. Someday you’ll come to realize that."
-"I had some samples already." She shook her head. -"But boy, if this don’t beat all." She added playing in a Tennessee Ernie intonation.
-"Mm.." Niles moaned incredulous. -"What about that time Mr. Sheffield asked you if you believed in love at first sight?"
Her eyes were far again. She was still thinking about Fran.
-"You know, on Thursdays you can get a box of twenty Chicken McNuggets, for only two ninety-nine."
-"What?" She frowned.
-"Oh…You are back." He insisted. -"What about that time when Mr. Sheffield asked you if you believed in love at first bite…er...sight?"
-"Why do I feel like you are about to turn a flash-light on in my face an shout out loud, "confess it"!"
-"Perhaps I should."
-"Niles, you are starting getting on my nerves, for crying out loud. Now, get back to the point. Ugh, I forgot again. What did you ask?"
-"What about that time when Mr. Sheffield asked you if you believed in love at first sight?"
-"When was that?" She said out of patience.
-"You answered yes but clearly meant him. You acted as if I wasn't there, goddamit!"
-"I actually don’t remember it. But, did it upset you that badly?"
-"What do you think?"
-"I think I will have to find a larger room for my awards."
-"Are you saying that when I was not around, you never made a pass at him during all these years?" He asked suspiciously. -"Baloney!"
-"Of course I did, Niles. However, always in a safe way and preferably with witnesses. People to whom I implied I had the hots for him several times."
-"Like Bobby Fleckman." He shook his body in obvious displeasure.
-"Who the heck is Bobbie Fleckman?"
-"Brian Setzer’s record company’s promoter."
-"Oh..I did?" Remembering. -"I guess I did."
-"She asked me what was going on between you two."
-"And what did you say?"
-"That you had nothing with him but you were about to check-in at a double A and the doctor said to not antagonize you."
-"Why did I ask? No wonder the woman didn’t take me seriously during all time they were here." She shook her head. -"Anyway, I worked so hard to convince people, that sometimes I nearly convinced myself." She let out a short nervous laugh. -"There were moments that I was even scandalous."
-"That’s a shocker." He rolled his eyes cynically. -"I could write a book inspired by your scenes."
She licked her front teeth recalling a few.
-"Come on.." He darted deadly curious. -"..tell me something new."
-"Like when she quit her job here."
-"Wha-what about that?"
-"When I thought I had won the game I went to that mall to check if she was really working there. I pretended I was surprised and just not to lose the habit I implied I was glad that the coast was clear for me."
-"And?"
She giggled. -"Minutes later I was in one of the fitting-rooms trying some lingerie…"
-"Ugh..." He let out blind with jealousy.
-"It was part of the act."
-"Mmhmm..And what did you do?"
She stared at him for a second. -"Are you telling me that she never told you?"
-"No."
-"Boy, another surprise."
-"What did you do, woman? I’m about to deliver triplets here!"
-"Well, you can start your Lamaze exercises because you will never know." She answered regretting to bring that up.
-"Look, this is new and I want to know it. I think I could always ask her." He let out playfully.
-"Alright, you big...Yi..yay..yetta.."
He chortled. -"That’s "yenta"."
-"That."
-"Come on, you know I’ll ask her..." He jested in a spoiled tone. -"Now, spill the bins."
-"Okay-okay…I was there, when I heard Max's voice saying he cared deeply for her, that he wanted her back, blah-blah-blah…"
-"You heard that from inside the fitting-rooms?"
She smiled. -"First I thought I was hearing things. But from what I could understand, Fran made him close his eyes and when he finally realized, he had said everything in a microphone. The whole department heard him."
-"Oho-ho." He scoffed.
-"The worse comes now. I was so furious with that situation that.." She hesitated.
-"You see? You see?!"
-"See what?"
-"You were jealous of him."
-"I was furious because she was coming back. I hated that woman, Niles. To top everything, what he said was not enough, brick head! I knew we were gonna get back to the same place as before. Nothing had changed.
He narrowed his eyes.
She suddenly chortled knowing she would have his heart softened with that admission.
-"What?"
-"You didn’t hear me out."
-"Wrap it up, will you."
-"Promise me you won’t laugh."
He crossed a forefinger over his heart.
-"I was so possessed that I came out of that cubicle, nearly naked, and shouting my head off, "NOO"..!"
Niles burst into laugher flopping onto his mattress.
-"Very funny." She hit him with a pillow. -"Stop it."
-"You know, with this and that scene the other day in the kitchen - I mean with the oven - you should try Vaudeville."
-"Gosh, the place was packed."
He couldn’t stop laughing but she always loved to hear that sound no matter if she had to be his clown. She grinned a little embarrassed. -"I’m always making a fool of myself, aren’t I? Especially when I have your help.
He suddenly looked at her seriously agreeing deep inside, that he sometimes had crossed some limits.
-"That reminds me of the reason why I went to the Regency Hotel so quickly that day. Remember you asked?"
-"Again, why?" He propped up on one elbow.
-"I had no clue why he wanted to meet me there but obviously was not for…you know. However, you would never know the real reason. You would just know that we had an "extra business" meeting and I would kill two birds with one stone."
-"I don't know, you were always very convincing, Miss Babcock."
-"I had to be, especially when that spooky girl and those jaw breaking expressions of hers came to this house. After that Maxwell wouldn't even remember my name if we were in the same room."
He dropped his head on bed again and stared at the ceiling. -"I could see you were particularly sour in that first party."
-"Oh that woman made me so noxious. She made me drink."
-"I thought I made you drink."
-"You too, Buster. But that night, I tell yo-oou..."
-"I remember; "Niles – more"!" He mimicked her as if lifting an empty glass and asking for a repeated dose of scotch. -"I had a pretty hard job driving you home that night."
-"The last thing I remember was you in that elevator; carrying me to my penthouse. I was probably asleep before my head touched my pillow."
-"I could have taken advantage of that situation, you know?" He said in a hoarse tone never taking his eyes off the ceiling.
-"You could have taken advantage of the same situation on the day we first met and then dozens of times…and you didn’t."
-"And?" He looked at her.
She reached out and caressed his face for a split second.
-"Careful Babs, you’re dangerously close to being kind."
-"Shut up."
-"Welcome back."
She sighed. -"But then, that same night, you spoiled everything calling Betty Ford." She pushed him playfully. -"How thoughtful."
-"Wasn’t it?" He scoffed.
-"I wanted to kill you for that."
-"I know." He giggled. -"Speaking of that." He hopped off his bed again and grabbed the bottle of wine and the two glasses.
She grinned.
Sitting next to her he filled a glass carefully and handed it over to her.
-"Thank you. But you know, it was all your fault."
-"Mine?" He chuckled, filling himself one now and letting the bottle on his bed stand.
-"You were drooling when you saw her in that gown."
-"Me? What gown?"
Mimicking Fran's words and voice. -"You like? I borrowed from my cousin, Miss Long Island eighty something…"
-"Eighty-nine." He chuckled. -"I remember now."
-"Pf..And you pathetically came up with, a very good year. I hated you."
He shook his head with a sardonic smile.
-"She was the perfect Satan’s secretary in that red dress."
-"And you hell’s CEO, with that behavior."
-"Fool."
-"Oh, so you can provoke me using Mr. Sheffield, now, when it’s my turn…Besides, she was really stunning in that dress."
-"Mmm.." Making a face.
-"Jealous and possessive."
-"Says who?" She sipped her wine. -"Anyway, what about the day you guys found out she had a tattoo. I don’t know who was more silly-looking, you or Max."
-"Well, that also played with my imagination, I must admit." He giggled. -"You don’t happen to have one, do you?" He checked her out.
She gazed at him with a sardonic smile letting very clear that he would have to find for himself.
He winked at her.
-"And it was so easy for me to get rid of nanny Fine if I wanted. All I had to do was to put a make up kit on the back of a truck heading for-for…Saskatchewan!"
He laughed louder.
-"But that would be too cruel. Even for me."
-"Miss Babcock, you’re quite a character."
-"But deep inside, I felt sorry for her sometimes."
-"You?"
She ignored his tone. -"Especially when I realized he also loved her but perhaps would never admit it."
-"And when you realized that?"
-"When I realized he loved her?"
-"Pick.." He said impatiently.
-"Remember that "fashion don't" article, with her in it?"
-"I recall yours."
-"I’m serious."
-"Me too."
-"Stop that."
-"Okay. Move on."
-"Remember when he let her to produce all the costumes for that benefit play?"
-"Yes?"
-"Maxwell never mixed friends nor family with biz, you know that."
He nodded.
-"In conclusion; he had to have especial feelings for her to let her do that."
-"And what about her?"
-"I always suspected that she liked him, but, remember that stupid trial which we were chosen to serve on the jury? I mean, I was, she followed me there I have nooo idea why."
-"Mmhm?"
-"During all those days, she had the chance to tell me that he said he loved her about a few months before and then he took it back. She seemed seriously hurt."
-"She told you about the thing?!"
-"I beg your pardon?"
-"Oh forget it, it’s a long story. But if you knew she wasn't after me about two or three years ago, why you kept torturing us?"
She was silent.
-"Why?" He insisted.
-"When I realized that she was really serious about Max and only Max, I sort of relaxed, it’s true. But I couldn’t help it, I just didn’t want to run the risk, I guess."
-"You see?!" He interrupted her again. -"You are Lady Incoherence!"
-"Why?"
-"If you were that annoyed with her proximity with me why didn't you help me to push them together once and for all? While I was working as a mad man to accomplish that - not only because they deserved but also because that would drive Mr. Sheffield away from you - you were working hard to separate them. Why, you crazy lunatic?"
Silence again.
-"Come on, I'm waiting!"
-"For one major reason…" She let out dryly, uncomfortable for being pushed that way.
-"Listening."
-"It’s gonna sound too confusing Niles."
-"I heard nonsense coming out of your mouth for over twenty years, Babcock. I'm used to it. Come on."
She sighed. -"I realized they loved each other."
-"You already said that."
-"But if I was right, why weren't they together? Then I started thinking, if nanny Fine was really telling the truth, I mean, if Max said he loved her and then he took it back..."
-"Yes?" He sipped his wine.
-"...perhaps Maxwell would never accept the fact because she was just a domestic."
Niles had a hard expression.
-"I know what you are thinking and that also influenced my attitude, I have to admit."
-"About me?"
-"Yes. That maybe I should give up the idea of having a butler in my life and move on. As I told you, the idea of my parents finding out about us at the time scared me to death."
-"I also want to hear about that, but later. For now…Mr. Sheffield and Fran, come on."
-"I started thinking he would never get involved with Fran because she was his nanny. At that moment the fear of her chasing you came to me again."
-"Oh God, you are sick."
-"Stop saying that. Childish, perhaps. Confused, yes. A silly jealous woman, definitely. But not sick!"
-"As if I was any better." He lowered his gaze. -"So, when you realized he wouldn't propose?" He was not getting the point.
-"I decided to kick her away from this house before she could start hitting on you? God Niles, I met her a couple of times in places that only desperate women would go."
He half grinned.
-"It’s not fun. You know I tried to forget you and I went to those places millions of times. But meeting Fran there was actually threatening. That only meant that she was on a hunt for men and you were home available."
-"That’s preposterous."
-"Listen, the woman was dating her direct cousin without even knowing it. She was facing anyone or anything: animal, plant…even stones if they gave her a dirty look. What else would she do?" She sighed. -"So, I decided, if I wasn't to have you…" She stopped, embarrassed for being so silly over the years. Sipping her wine slowly she then resumed. -"I hated you guys; especially you. I wanted you but you wouldn't give up that stupid promise. You know how many times I teased you trying to make you regret those words but you never took them back."
He smiled mischievously. -"I remember each single time."
-"Yes, you monster. You were like ice and I was furious."
-"But why you hated Mr. Sheffield or Fran?"
-"I didn't quite hate nanny Fine, I…" She thought for a second. -"No, I said that and I admit, I hated her. I was envious. And Max? Jesus, all I wanted was a reaction from him. He wouldn't ask nanny Fine to marry him and nanny Fine wasn’t enough threatened by me to leave this house for good. The more I hit on Max the least he seemed to notice me. The more I implied I had a crush on him the least Fran or you seemed to care. I was desperate; I have some pride…So I nearly sat on Max's lap everyday and he never made a pass at me to make you or Fran jealous. I really started feeling like dirt. I began to kick doors, to jump on Fran’s neck…" She breathed deeply. -"And what about her? That woman was pasteurized; boiled and then frozen a million times. That man was uptight or what?"
-"Yes, I guess he was a little timid." He grinned.
-"A little? That man was so afraid to express his emotions in public that I bet in a funeral he would prefer to be in a casket than doing the eulogy."
He guffawed.
-"Picture this, they were both very much in love and took them five years." She made a pause. -"Can you imagine if they loathed each other as much as we do?" She giggled.
-"We do?"
-"We do." She darted between her teeth.
-"I don't believe you C.C." He said with a grin. -"If Planet Earth suffers an atomic holocaust, the only survivors will be cockroaches and you."
-"It’s "cockroaches and Cher", dear."
-"Free adaptation."
-"Bleargh.." She stuck her tongue at him.
-"Now seriously. I think Mr. Sheffield was not afraid of expressing his feelings but afraid of getting hurt again. You know how he suffered when his first wife died. I thought he would never recover."
-"Yes, I think you’re right."
Finding a gap for a new string of questions he panned. -"So if I hate you so much, why do I feel so furious when I think of you in other men's arms."
-"You d-.."
-"Men such as that Swiss Doctor, or Chandler, or that bloody French teacher, or that pile of bones that Fran rejected. Worse, what about Colin?"
-"You came up with that list pretty fast, didn’t you?"
-"Your fault."
-"Who’s jealous and possessive now?"
-"You bet I am." He continued drinking his wine slowly.
Go on to Part Two
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