Please don't be afraid to tell me what you think of this new story from my vault of Niles and CC ideas locked away in my brain. It all started with some late night scribbling on a free piece of paper, and it went on to become a story from there. This story delves into a place where I feel most comfortable, inside the mind of CC Babcock…

I'm Sorry…

by

Emily Stamm
(StammFamly@aol.com)

She held onto his hand, his only lifeline to the living.

Rocking back and forth on the uncomfortable hospital chair, she was lost in a sea of personal and emotional confusion.

Nurses came and went, while skeptical doctors watched her, amazed at her devotion and loyalty. She didn’t say a word, didn’t see the looks of passerby, didn’t even hear their faint whispers of his condition. She was completely drawn within herself; only her fingers dared to stretch outside of her sunken body. Those same fingers held onto his, entwined with his own, maintaining that delicate thread between life and death…for both.

Time had no meaning. The four hours that passed by as she dotingly stayed by his side melted and slipped away in a few seconds. She didn’t care, her mind paid no attention to the tick tock of the hands of the clock as the seconds, and then minutes went by. All she could do was sit and gaze at motionless features, and the growing ghostly pale appearance of this body from some sci-fi film, hooked up to instruments of every shape and size through at least a hundred tubes.

She could remember someone calling from a distance, saying that she should "look forward to the future". Why? The future looked so bleak, why should an already depressed woman want to draw herself into a much deeper darkness? The past was so much more inviting to look at, rather than the future, or even the present for that matter.

His cold hands seemed so strange in her warm ones. She longed to talk to him, to tell him the thoughts coursing and pulsing about her head, but she knew he couldn’t hear her. So what was the use?

She knew now that life was too short. It wasn’t fair. She had had her chance for happiness and what did she do? Blew it. She blew that one last chance for a life with meaning, a life with heart, a life…with love.

Yes, she knew it now. She knew why fate had thrown them together. She knew what she had done to push him over the edge. She knew…she knew. She and she alone knew that love was the answer.

She felt a tear slide down her cheek, but was so lost in thought, let it go untouched. Another one followed and then another and another. She opened her mouth slightly for the tears to channel between her lips and let her know that she was really crying. It had been so long since she tasted the salty flavor of sadness. When was the last time she had cried in public? Years ago, many years ago. So long that she couldn’t remember.

How had this happened? Why had this happened? Both were questions that chilled her to the bone. Their past together was the key to answering them. If only she could recall and piece together the parts of this puzzle, then maybe, just maybe life would reanimate his soul again.

"Welcome! CC how good it is to see you!"

CC smiled politely and hugged Mrs. Sheffield in respect. "Hello Sara."

Sara led her into the bustling living room, where everyone was drinking and laughing. Noticing her friend’s depression, she asked:

"What’s wrong?"

CC picked up a fluted glass of red wine. "Oh, nothing. How’s Maxwell?"

She watched as Mr. Tall Dark and Handsome came up from behind and wrapped an arm about Sara’s waist. Grinning from ear to ear he replied. "Couldn’t be happier."

CC nodded and returned to her glass.

"You can’t fool me Babcock. Drop the act."

She turned to find the butler standing on the stairwell, poised in a gray suit.

"Can it Butler Boy." She mumbled underneath her breath as she sipped from the wine and felt the coolness run down her throat.

He came down the flight and stood next to her. "Lonely are we now that Loverboy is taken?"

CC felt the heat rise to her cheeks. "Of course not," she replied shyly, running the tip of her finger around the rim of the glass. "I work with him, I miss his company that’s all."

"Sure you do."

CC sighed. "And his voice."

"Uh-huh."

"And his walk."

Niles smiled and said. "Continue."

She pressed a hand to her own hairdo. "And maybe that little fleck of gray in his hair. But that’s all."

"And you’re not the least bit lonely?"

CC shook her head. "Yes." She whimpered as she hid her face behind her free arm.

Niles put an arm around her shoulders. "There, there you poor lonely thing."

CC looked up and stepped out of his embrace. "I’m not that lonely to have Mr. Ugly’s arms around me."

" Neither am I."

With a look of utter disgust, CC set down her glass and faced him.

"You know what you are?"

Niles grinned. "Happy not to be you."

CC persisted. "No. That’s not it. You are jealous."

Niles chuckled, "Of what?"

"Of me, that’s what!"

Niles walked around her, inspecting her. After awhile, he came to his conclusion. "No, you’re more of an ‘it’ than a what." He said with a smirk.

She put her hands on her hips. "Oh yeah! Well…I…you…ugh!!!" And with that she stormed away into the kitchen.

Sara had been watching this the whole time. She came over and touched Niles on the shoulder. "Niles," she asked in no particular tone. "What was that about?"

Niles looked at her. "Oh nothing Mum. She’s dealing with the fact that you and Mr. Sheffield are married in her own, highly elusive way."

"We’ve been married for half a year, why should that bother her?"

"She’s lonely."

Sara smiled. "Oh." She said knowingly, "She couldn’t come up with a good comeback huh?"

He let out a soft chuckle of amusement. "Nope. Not a one."

Sara joined in with his gaiety. "Now Niles. We’re not being polite here."

"I know. I really should go and apologize."

"Yes you should."

The laughter subsiding, and with a look of anguish at the his fun taken away so soon, he took off in the same direction that CC had just a few minutes earlier.

She looked up and saw him standing in the doorway; his features turned down with a look of pity for the poor little rich girl, with a bottle of hard liquor replacing the glass of harmless wine in her hand.

"What do you want?" she asked gruffly.

Niles walked over to the refrigerator and pulled out a pan of crab dumplings. "The oven."

Though the alcohol was beginning to have its effects on her mind, CC was sure he hadn’t heard him right, with or without the fuzziness that began enveloping her brain.

"Huh?"

Niles looked over his shoulder and noticed her state of mind. He started in an archaic tone, "Crab Cakes, go in oven," he pointed to the kitchen door, "for the guests."

CC stood up and steadied herself, becoming increasingly unsure of the bright lights and loud sounds.

"I know what the crab thingies are for. What do you take me for, an idiot?"

Niles suppressed a smile. "I think you know the answer to that Babsy Honey."

She started walking towards him threateningly. "You know sometimes, I just want to rip out your-"

They were interrupted as William the Chauffeur came in, every bit himself the typical drunk. "Niles! Bring us a *hic* -nother round of Brandy! This party’s heating up out here and we need some *hic* Brandy to cool it down!"

Both Niles and CC looked at him with an air of irritation. He didn’t seem to notice.

"C’mon Niles! *hic* I’ve got an unruly mob behind me!"

Niles rolled his eyes and shot William a look as he opened the door to the wine cellar. "Just wait here, I’ll get some Wine."

He started the steps when CC grabbed him by the collar. "I’m not finished with you!" She screeched as she pulled the door shut after her and stood at the top of the flight, her verbal strength growing every second.

"Oh, wait!"

CC first looked at him, then the door, and back at him in bewilderment. "Did I?"

Niles nodded his head. "You most certainly did." He seethed.

He walked down the rest of the stairs, and sat down on the last one.

CC slowly made her way down the creaky old stairs, not sure what would happen next. "Well, if you had only waited for me to finish what I was saying…"

"I would have been down and back by now."

CC reached the first landing. "No," she continued putting her hands on her hips. "WE wouldn’t be stuck down here!"

"Oh, when I get out of here, I’m going to give that William such a beating. He won’t know what hit him."

CC sat down, tired of the darkness. "Turn on a light, I want to see what I look like."

Niles turned his head. "And just why would you want to do that?"

"Just do it."

Niles shrugged his shoulders and stood up to pull on the light cord. The cellar was bathed in a yellow glow that stung CC’s eyes even if she tried to look at the source.

"It’s like the sun!"

"Now how would you know what the sun looked like? I thought your kind came out only at night."

CC brought the mouth of the bottle to her lips and tilted her head back. "Ha, ha, ha." She answered flatly to the back of his head.

He stood and stepped up on the first stair to face her. "If it wasn’t for you, I would not be down here and missing the party upstairs."

She too stood, albeit more shakily than Niles had. "Oh please. The only way you could be involved in a party is if someone stopped up the toilet!"

"And how would you know what a party is like, Miss Social Outcast of the century?"

CC held her throbbing head high. "Oh, just stop talking for one moment!"

Niles furrowed his eyebrows. "Why would I do such a thing?"

She stepped down from the first landing, gripping the handrail intensively. "Because that accent of yours is so annoying, I can’t stand it!"

Niles took another step, working his way to the unstable Babcock. "Well, all the more reason that Loverboy isn’t yours. He’s British, if you didn’t notice."

"Just what are you babbling about?"

Niles moved himself forward.

"What are you doing?"

Closer, closer, closer to her drunken form he came.

"Niles? What’s come over you?"

"The need to help poor creatures, even the reptiles."

In her stupor, she laughed.

He finally reached her, carefully grabbing her hand and leading her down the rest of the stairs, their creaks echoing with each passing step.

Upon reaching the last step, he sat her down before him. "There, now I won’t be responsible if they found you with a broken neck on the staircase."

"You know, you could’ve led me back to the landing." She mumbled in a matter-of-fact manner. "That way, I wouldn’t have to transverse that whole flight."

"Shut up you exasperating woman!"

CC finally let her head fall down…only to crush his feet. "Why did you take me back down anyway?"

Niles rolled his eyes. "I can’t stand to see a woman above me."

Relaxing, she said, "Yes, I’ve often wondered about that."

"What?"

CC shook her head, forgetting what she had said already. "Uh, nothing."

Niles shrugged his shoulders. "It didn’t sound like nothing, it sounded like something."

"Just drop it Niles."

"That’s the second time you’ve called me by my actually name tonight."

"No, third time." She commented as she slipped her hand underneath her aching head. "Your aging memory is playing tricks on you again."

They were silent as CC tried to get comfortable.

"You know Mister Clean, this would work better if I had something soft to rest my head on."

Niles smiled. "Well, we can’t use your heart…"

CC drew her lips in a tight line. "Oh, you’re a riot." She said sarcastically.

"I suppose you could use my lap…if you’re sure I won’t get warts by doing so." He suggested.

She looked at him. "Are you kidding me?"

"Amazingly enough I am not."

CC thought it over.

"Well?"

"I guess so," she turned her head to face his. "But no one can ever know that we made actual ‘contact’ with the other one for as long as we both shall live. Promise to keep your big yap shut?"

Niles smiled. "Alright. Why would I tell anyone that I touched the Ice Queen, but didn’t freeze anyway?"

"Like I said before. R-I-O-T!"

Niles pushed himself to the cold cellar floor, turned slightly; so that her head could rest on his thigh, and pulled her up to do so.

"There now," he said as they got settled, "Comfortable?"

CC placed clasped hands behind her head. "Well, you’re no lounge chair, but this will have to do."

"Before you get too comfortable,"

CC’s closing eyes fluttered back to life in annoyance.

"Could you possibly get me a bottle from that rack?"

She gritted her teeth and stood. Picking out a small red bottle, she returned, handing it over to him.

"Thanks." He said as she lay back down.

Niles uncorked it and took a sip. Waving it over her eyes he asked, "Want some?"

CC rolled her eyes. "No."

"Why?" then, "Oh."

"Yes, oh."

He took another sip. "That’s too bad, because this Brandy is rather good."

"Brandy? I’m not interested."

"You sure you don’t want some?"

"Not if those sponges touched it. Besides, I’m already drunk, why should I drink more?"

Niles grinned. "Because Sara is pregnant."

Her eyes widened. "What! How do you know?" she stopped her ranting and smiled. "Duh, I’m asking the RCA Dog. Of course he would know."

He began wryly, "Well, first I must thank you for the compliment. And second, why do you think the Duchess of Champagne is drinking non-alcoholic Sparkling Apple Cider tonight?"

CC’s forehead creased in worry. "Because she suddenly lost her taste for that kind of stuff?" she tried.

Niles made a noise. "Wrong answer."

"I don’t believe you." She stated defiantly.

"Fine, don’t believe me. But I live with the Sheffields and let’s just say that they haven’t exactly been practicing their summersaults in their bedroom these past few months."

"Oh, god." She groaned. "Of all the help I could’ve picked a fight with tonight, I had to end up with my own Mohamed Ali-need is six bucks an hour to be happy."

"And of all the people to hire, Mr. Sheffield had to end up with Miss Bab-I’ll worship him till the day I die-cock."

CC looked up at him. "And now, on top of all this crap, I find out that Maxwell’s wi-," she licked her lips and tried again, "Maxwell’s wi-,"

Niles rolled his eyes. "Maxwell’s wife, you can say it."

"Yes, that, is having his," she cringed. "Children."

He looked down at her. "I thought you didn’t like children."

She gave a full body shudder of delight. "I don’t, but making them would be fun."

"With him." Niles finished for her, complete with the dreamy gaze off into the distance.

"Oh, what would you know about love." She asked him, directing her eyes up at the ceiling instead of his own.

"A lot more than you ever will."

Her gaze returned to his, set on full blast. "And what do you mean by that?"

"Well, how many relationships have you had?"

CC sat up and twisted her body to face him. "About…why should you know?"

Niles held up his hands in defense. "Just trying to make conversation." He suddenly laughed aloud.

"What are you laughing at?"

Niles stood and threw his arms in the air. "Look at us! We’re two grown adults and we’re talking about relationships, of which we both have none!"

She leaned away from the outburst. "I think you had a little too much to drink Niles."

"Oh, and you’re one to talk." He made the motion of an invisible bottle and chugged it down.

"Hey! I resent that! I didn’t start to drink until a year ago." She mumbled defensively, standing to meet his level.

"And that would put it at the time that…"

It dawned on her. "That I started to work here!" she slapped him.

"Bingo!" he shouted. "What do we have for the lovely young lady here!"

She folded her arms across her chest. "Lovely? Young? Lady? Now I know you’re drunk."

He shushed her and gestured to the other fictional host of the game show. "Why, it’s a lifetime membership to the AA, a never ending box of Kleenex, and invitations to all of the Sheffields’ children’s Baby Showers! That’s worth one lifetime of Miss CC Babcock!"

She grabbed the bottle from his hands and drank long and hard in order to withstand his verbal beating.

"Oh, and guess what?" she emphasized, joining in on the game. "We also have a prize for Niles here!"

"Oo, what is it, what is it?" Niles filled in.

"It’s a life of cleaning supplies and crushed dreams, isn’t that right Johnny?"

"No boyfriend!" he screamed at her, throwing in another "prize".

"No future!" she screamed back in his face.

"No nights without a tearstained pillow!"

"No nights off!"

He grabbed her arms and pulled her closer to him, without any complaint.

"No warm embraces!"

"No braces or dental plan!"

Their voices became quieter as his arms brought her closer.

"No soft kisses in the dark!"

"No time after dark!"

"No life." He whispered with no emphasis whatsoever, as his arms encircled her waist.

"No love." Her arms slid up his back.

"No relationship." They said together as their faces inched ever more closer.

"No this." Niles breathed as he brought his lips to hers and finally touched her own in a soft feather-like kiss. He drew away, only to be pulled back by CC, more fervent and passionate as their mouths opened and tongues touched.

Upon breaking apart, CC wiped the sides of her mouth saying:

"No that."

Niles grinned. "Yes, defiantly no that."

Her hand went to his jaw, and he in turn cupped her chin with a hand. They searched one another’s eyes and smiled before they leaned in once again, destined to do more than just "that" and much more than "this".

"Niles! CC! Are you down there?"

Niles looked up at the door from the ongoing kiss.

"Miss Babcock, Loverboy is calling."

"Don’t care." She mumbled as she tried to regain his attention.

"Me neither."

"Looks like we’ll have to break the door down William."

"I don’t get it! How *hic* can they be stuck *hic* down there for over an hour? They must be *hic* at each other’s throats by *hic* now."

"Actually we are." CC giggled at the irony.

"Stop talking and start-"

The door flew open and down came Maxwell, Sara, and William, lagging behind with a drunken pace.

The two pushed the other one away and started their familiar chatter.

"Really Miss Babcock, I think you’ll like some of the wine down here." Niles winked, hoping she’d get the clue.

"What? Oh, yes." She winked back. "And just why would I, Toilet Scrubber?"

He reached over and pulled out a random bottle. "Take this one for example, 1853, now wasn’t that the year you were born?"

CC ran her tongue over her lip. "And what about," she grabbed another one. "This one. 1845. Brings back memories of the good old days, eh Niles?"

Maxwell rubbed his face. "Good Lord, we have to get them out of here!" he muttered.

"Don’t worry dear," Sara said comfortingly, "You get Niles first and I’ll get CC."

"Come along Old Man," he said, taking Niles by the arm. Then noticing the red marks about his friend’s lips asked, "What is on your face Niles?"

Niles took out his handkerchief from the lapel pocket and dabbed his mouth as they reentered the kitchen. "That? Oh, that’s from Miss Babcock. She hit me."

"Wow. I didn’t know that she was able to do physical damage."

"Oh yes, she’s a real spitfire you know."

Sara walked CC out into the kitchen after the men had gone upstairs.

"So, what did you two do all that time?"

"Well," CC blushed.

"I mean you two come from such different backgrounds, what could you have done!"

"Yes, you’re right." CC’s mouth turned down as she said softly, "Yes, what could’ve happened between us."

"The party’s over, I’m so sorry you missed it, but so glad that you came."

CC’s hand passed over the hall’s walls. "I’m sorry too." It wasn’t about the party though.

They came to the foyer. Sara jumped up the steps and opened the coat closet.

"Please come again soon. Oh, what am I saying, I’ll see you tomorrow morning!"

CC nodded and took her coat back.

Sara began to slowly make her way to the stairs. "Well, it’s time for bed. Good night CC, see you in the morning."

"Good night, oh and Sara?"

"Yes?"

"Congratulations, Niles told me. I’m very happy for the both of you." She forced the words out.

"Thanks."

Sara left, knowing that her friend would find her way out.

CC walked around the table and picked up her purse, ready to go home and take a nice long soak in the Jacuzzi tub.

"Miss Babcock?"

She looked over to the hallway, saw him standing there.

"I just wanted to apologize for whatever happened. I’m dreadfully sorry that I did that."

"Funny…" she decided to go against her thoughts and say the next thing that came to her mind. "I was just about to say the same thing."

She raised sad, longing eyes to him. "I am not sorry, however," her eyes took on that old playful look that brought a smile to his frowning lips. "That, ‘that’ did happen. It showed me just how pathetic I was tonight."

"Happy to be of service. Good night Ice Queen." He walked over to her in fast strides.

"Good night Butler Boy. Sour dreams." She waited for him to open the iron door for her.

She turned to him. "No thrills."

He pursed his lips quickly. "No chances."

Of course, that had been the first bout of their unrequited love for one another. It had showed them just what was there and what had to be dealt with. It had showed her that life with a maid might be fun at that, but then again, it had showed her just how different they were.

Except, classes were the only things that clashed in their personalities. They both liked the same movies, they both aspired to be greater than what they were; their lives complimented each other.

He was a butler; she a business partner. The have-nots and the haves. Beauty and the Beast. Yes, for what she had put him through for decades, she was a Beast. And he a prince to have loved her throughout that whole time.

If only things had changed, maybe he would be with her right now; not in this hospital bed with the chances against him. She tried to remember just what had happened to make life so complicated. Though it was never that easy to begin with, as she had already reflected upon. Maybe it was when they had danced that night, or when he had the heart attack. She had almost lost him then, had almost dived into a similar pit of despair that she was in now. Or maybe it was that morning after Nanny Fine and Maxwell’s wedding. She didn’t know. There were so many times sprinkled throughout their twenty years together that she didn’t know exactly how to pinpoint the exact moment when things became to confusing for their own good.

Though that Jack Daniels-induced kiss on the couch five years ago was reminiscent of what had happened in the Wine Cellar, it was already there. It was true that he was the only one to remember her birthday, even if it was with an eyeful of Maxwell in Nanny Fine’s arms. But, the biggest thing was; not when he asked her to marry her, she’d been hoping that he would rekindle what they had had so many years ago; last Christmas, when she had seen him so saddened by her going away for the holidays. Later that night, when they all knew that the heat would last only an hour, all she could think of was Niles; how she would never feel his arms about her as they danced, or feel his lips on hers when they kissed, or hear him come up with retorts when they fought. Her mind was completely engulfed in him, nearly as it was now.

Life was too short. Too damn short for people who came too late in life to realize what they felt about each other. A feeling too deep for words, a connection, a sense that this was something special and it would always and forever last.

Now, with the pulse lines becoming slower and slower, she was beginning to doubt that word, "forever". Here she was, with a man that she cared for deeply, knowing that "forever" was a word that she could never use ever again. It was too painful.

And yet, the word, "forever" never came to mind when she thought about her past beaus. Chandler and Collin, two men that had loved her. But their love was superficial, not deep as her love was for him and his love for her. She was sure of that. He must still love her…why else would this have happened? Why indeed.

She had just finished packing up various papers and folders from the office when she heard the familiar dark accent of her most despised enemy.

"You didn’t tell me you were leaving."

CC turned to find him standing in the doorway, his eyes nervously darting from her to the hanging mistletoe and back again.

"I didn’t need to tell you." She slowly moved across the room to where he was leaning on the doorframe.

"You did. Now I have to forget all those insults about Santa that were going to be for you."

"Ha, Ha, Ha." She answered in monotone. "Well, I’m here now. Tell me."

He brushed past her and grabbed the handle of her suitcase. "Can’t."

"Why?" she whined as she followed him out of the room.

He stopped and swiveled on his heel, looked her straight in the eye. "Because." He wrapped greedy hands around her waist and pulled her close. "I love you."

"I love you too."

They shared a soft kiss beneath the mistletoe.

"CC?"

"Niles…love…to…"

"Oh God, she’s delirious!"

CC awoke to the scene that she remembered all to vividly. She wished she could return to the sweet solace that her dreams were capable of, but knew that this situation was all too real for the senses.

The car was still warm, thank heavens for that. She was eye to eye with Maxwell and could feel his stale breath hit her face like a brick wall. The little one’s head was cradled in her father’s arms and sat snuggled up between the steering wheel and CC’s shawl.

She smiled. "Maxwell, of course I’m alright. How long have you known me?"

"Well, it’s just that you were awfully convincing as a corpse…too convincing for your own good."

"Boy, that would have been a great set-up for Ni-" she shut her mouth, not wanting to finish the sentence, for the thought of Niles was too much for her exhausted brain to handle.

"What?"

"Nothing."

The little one’s head began to move. "Daddy?"

Maxwell’s attention left his business partner to direct itself on his daughter. CC was not complaining.

She looked outside. The snow was still coming, now in sheets; a sure sign that it was letting up. Or was it?

"Maxwell, I’m going back to sleep if you don’t mind."

"Sure, go ahead CC, here," he handed her the incongruous fur hat that she had been sporting for the past few days. "Wear it, it will keep your body heat in."

Her fingers took it, expecting that signature spark when her hands brushed with his. But as her fingers gripped the brim, there was no spark to be felt. Smiling sadly, and pulling the hat firmly over her head, she lay back down across the seat, wondering what would happen to them if the hour passed by and no one came to find the three New Yorkers trapped in a snow bank somewhere outside of Boston.

CC slept out of the sheer need to sleep, to escape from this nightmare. She awoke only once, hearing her partner sing an old English tune to his daughter. His soft tone and throaty accent put him in the image of someone else, someone who she knew and, (dare say it?) loved.

Resting her head against the cold leather seat, she listened to the song. And instead of trying to block his image from her mind, she let him completely invade it. She remembered everything, and vowed to make note if there was a spark when she would see him next, she’d take the initiative.

If she ever did see him again. And even if she did, would she, could she allow him to, to love her?

What was she saying? Maxwell was right, she was delirious. She was so tired and drained because of this whole ordeal. Yes, that’s all she was, tired. Oh, but how her heart ached to see him again, to feel that shiver that traveled up her spine after he gave it to her good with a verbal lashing.

Why shouldn’t she feel this way? After all, she knew everything about him. After twenty years, she had found that he was a friend. But was he more…much more. That she could not figure out.

She was alone, alone with her thoughts; a deadly combination. There was no need to put on an act for others so they wouldn’t judge her. Hell, she could cry if she wanted and no one would care. Maxwell was with his daughter, but who was she with? No one. Maxwell was with Nanny Fine and who was she with? No one. She was scared, and not just for her life, but for her future. If she continued like this, then she would be alone for the rest of her life. No one.

CC was sure she could get through this. But she wasn’t sure if she would be able to get through the years that lay ahead. She needed someone. Someone who cared, someone, someone like…Niles.

There, CC Babcock had said it. Niles was the one. But did he know it? She didn’t think so. They had never discussed moment of passion two years ago, or the one in the whine cellar. They had never given their years together any thought. Why should they start now?

Her eyes fluttered back to life as a bright light shone down through the windows of the car.

"CC?"

"Yes Maxwell, I’m awake." CC said distantly, glancing outside the frosted window.

"They’ve found us!"

With that last statement the car door was pried open and a policeman poked his head in. "Well folks. Looks like you’re going home!"

The little one slid off her father’s lap and was immediately covered with a bright blue thermal blanket.

CC’s door suddenly gave way to a short, stocky man clad in a ranger outfit. "May I help you out?"

CC yawned and extended her hand for his gloved one to catch.

"Do you have any belongings miss?"

"Oh, no. Nothing that I don’t have a copy of at the office." She answered him, clenching the roller suitcase in her fingers tightly. "I’m so ready to go home."

She stepped out into the chill night, barely paid attention to the three squad cars and two ambulances that surrounded them, and followed the ranger to the cab where Maxwell and Grace (?) were waiting for her.

As she was seated next to Maxwell, she couldn’t help but think of what had gone through her mind for the past hour or so. Suddenly, she looked at her watch, not sure of her time perception any longer.

"It’s been one, two, three…eight hours since you called Nanny Fine in New York!"

Maxwell turned at her surprise. "Eight hours? Are you sure?"

"Positive. That means that I spent the last eight hours thinking of Bu-" upon feeling both their eyes locking intensely on her, she lowered her glassy blue ones and continued, "Bud Wiser. They really are the best tasting of all those no class beers."

He shook his head and leaned back. "Time to sleep. I’m going home."

His daughter smiled and curled up next to him. "Ditto."

But CC didn’t sleep. She propped herself against the back of the seat and forced herself to stay awake. She would forget everything she had put herself through. She would move on. Niles was not the one. He was a friend; she could admit that…but nothing more. If anyone ever did ask her what she thought about in what could’ve been the last hour of her life, she would rely on the delirium alibi.

What she had gone through for the past hours was not the CC Babcock that she knew. She did not even want to know this touchy, feely, warm, and revealing side of herself. Everything that had happened was forgotten, and she swore that she would never become that soft ever again.

However there was one thing that she couldn’t understand. And that was how he could forgive her for denying those feelings.

Her heart sank as she relived those moments of despair and passion. She had never wanted to feel like that again. Every part of her being felt revolted to be put at such a level, where the slightest mention of him sent her into an emotional whirlwind. But here she was, dotingly reserved to his bedside, tears streaming down her face, the mascara running along with each one.

The monitor’s peaks were beginning to get on her nerves. Why wouldn’t they just stay constant and let him out of the shell that he was surrounded in? Why wouldn’t he wake up? Why had she waited till the last minute of his life to tell him all that she wanted to tell him?

She suddenly became very angry with him. Look at his lifeless body, just lying there, begging to be coddled and babied, she thought. If I were in his place, I would just want the plug to be pulled.

With that thought she stood up, threw his hands down onto the bed, and backed away from the hospital bed. She couldn’t tell what she was feeling. But now a wave of hate passed over her that was so powerful, it couldn’t be looked over. He had done this to her. He had made her drink. He had made her so mad that she could kill. He had been there, said those things. He had proposed.

She stopped her mental ranting and looked down at him. He had done all those things. But he had also stuck by her. He had comforted her. He had danced with her. He had been her faithful friend. He had taught her how to love again. He had tried to break her of her alcoholic habits. He had been the first. He had kissed her. He had cared about her. He had loved her. He had proposed.

She sank back down to the chair, wrapped her fingers around his and pressed cracked lips to his knuckles. How could she have been so stupid? Sure, he had been the doer of all the bad deeds, but he also had done a lot of good ones. When it came right down to it, the good outweighed the bad by far.

"Niles what have I done?" she asked, the first words after many hours of silence. Her voice was quiet with no distinguishable tone.

As she let her head fall down onto the sterilized sheets, she tried to remember just what had happened. She knew the first part well enough. He had asked her to marry him for the fourth time…

CC ran through the kitchen door. Spotting Nanny Fine and Val, but no Niles, she walked over to them.

"You guys have to hear this." She punched the play button and held out her finger for silence, a pleased toothy grin on her face.

"Will you marry me?" Niles’ voice played over the speaker.

She laughed and continued. "And the greatest thing is these little tapes fit on my answering machine!" she ran back out the door, too satisfied with what had happened. She would be able to hold this over his head for a long time.

As she passed through the living room, she noticed his feather duster lying innocently on the coffee table. She picked it up and ran her fingers through it, felt a spark as she touched the handle.

"Hmm, static electricity in its finest hour." Though she seemed to recall a moment when she felt a similar spark with Maxwell.

She walked over to the foyer table and flipped through some mail piled in the center. Nanny Fine’s nasal whine could be heard even before she came into view.

"Oh please Miss Babcock!" she came around the corner, her pregnancy clearly visible under her outfit. CC felt a pang of jealousy hit her smack dab in the heart. She rose above the feeling and put on her stage face of apathy.

"Please, please apologize to Niles and promise him that you won’t bring it up again or rub it in his face?"

CC genuinely thought about her options. "Um, no." she turned to face her. "Nanny Fine, do you remember when I told you that I was waiting for that magic, something that just makes my heart pound?"

The Nanny smiled and asked hopefully, "Yes?"

CC held up the recorder and said, "Well, I’ve got it, right here."

"Ah CC there you are!" Maxwell came from the hall, yelled for the butler, and crossed the length of the sitting room to the marble foyer to stand next to his wife. He leaned in towards CC. "Look here CC, I refuse to let Niles quit because of this ridiculous nonsense going on between the two of you, you understand? I want you to talk to him, I want you to tell him that you’re not going to rub it in his face and fix it!" he commanded.

Having always been one not to argue with his authority, she whimpered, "Kay."

They all heard the footsteps of a depressed man with a lot on his mind above their heads. She looked up and saw him, broad shoulders slumped, sparkling blue eyes dulled, gait subdued.

He started to rapidly descend the stairs when he caught site of her. His head dropped and he pulled himself back around to ascend the stairs with a depressed groan of, "Oh God."

She was just about to run out of that little house of horrors if it hadn’t been for Maxwell stepping between her and the only means of escape. He called back to his friend. "Niles get back down here now"

He grumbled but did as he was told. Stopping on the last step and holding onto the railing, he waited for her apology.

She approached him slowly, seeing the hurt in his eyes. Facing him, she looked up into those same eyes that she had grown to know and love. "Niles, I’m sorry that this whole thing happened. Let’s just put the past in the past. So you proposed to me four times."

The Sheffields’ jaws dropped. "Four?"

Ignoring his employers, he smirked and pushed himself past the group. "Forget it, I’ve been humiliated enough."

She looked to Maxwell, then Nanny Fine for help.

"CC, CC." He urged, giving the air around her a push.

She followed him, feeling a little sorry for this man who cared for her so much.

"Niles, I’m trying to say something nice." She watched him collapse into the couch and looked around for someone to get her out of this uncomfortable confrontation.

She pulled Nanny Fine’s arm into the line of fire that ensued from his hurt gaze. "Help me Nanny Fine."

She listened to the Queen’s native give an apology that was not to CC’s liking. "What she’s trying to say is that she knows she’d be damn lucky to have you but," Fran turned and gave her a look almost as searing as Niles’. "She’s a lesbian."

Her face fell into shock as she again reached out to pull on that vertical stripped arm. "I am not!" she protested, sitting down on the coffee table to confront him, completely fed up with the Sheffield’s presence.

She held the recorder in her hand and took a breath. "Look, what happened happened, but it’s just between the four of us, nobody else ever has to know. I promise I will never tell another soul." Her finger slipped onto that sensitive button ‘play’.

Niles barely moved as he heard his own voice played back to him, that voice so full of hope. He then moved his head slightly in disbelief.

"I’m sorry, I’m sorry. I pressed it on accident!" CC still couldn’t believe that had happened. She had never meant to hurt him this badly. This was serious; he couldn’t even look at her.

He stood up and walked over to Fran, his jaw set. "That’s it. I am outta here. She’s never gonna let this go. An elephant never forgets!"

She was still getting over the fact that she had pressed that damn button when she heard that familiar line.

Standing, she shouted, "Aw puh-lease! You used that pathetic line on me three years ago!"

"See."

CC felt her blood begin to boil and the volume rose. "Maxwell, I can not do this!" she followed him back to the stairwell. "Niles, I’m sorry you’re quitting, but I’m sure you have something," Placing her hand on the railing, she noticed just how close their fingers were. "To fall back on, ya know in case this dream didn’t pan out!"

Niles leaned in, his height advantage from the stairs acting on his appearance. "Well whatever I have to fall back on isn’t half as big as what you have to fall back on!"

She tapped her fingers on the wood and ran her tongue over her teeth. Out of the corner of her eye, she could see Maxwell and Nanny Fine back away, mumbling something. But right now all her world consisted of was Niles and herself. The tension building, she decided to move out of the closeness of the situation.

"Me marry you?" she started, walking around the landing to the other wall. "Please, you a pathetic excuse for a man." She stopped and leaned against the casing.

But as usual, Niles fouled up her plan. With one hand on the railing, he leaned in even more closer than before. "Ditto!"

She lowered her eyes as he started pummeling her with the stones of truth.

"But at least I know when it’s time to move on. You are going to spend the rest of your life pining for a man who doesn’t love you," she noticed a bit of tenderness creep in on that last phrase. But it was gone in the next breath. "And who’s married a woman half your age."

Nanny Fine ran towards him and grabbed his arm in a final attempt to keep him from leaving. "Oh Niles, please don’t go!"

Yet, he gently pushed her aside and gestured to the happy couple standing in front of CC. She looked at them, but deliberately avoided eye contact with the speaker.

"Look around you. They’re married; they’re starting a family. Where will you be ten, twenty years from now? You’ll be saying, ‘Merry Christmas’ to your friends in rehab and wondering what might have been."

He looked away then back at her, as if expecting something. She raised her eyes slightly, hoping to acknowledge that what he spoke was the truth, but he didn’t see it.

With a sigh and a look to Maxwell, he said simply, "I’ll be leaving first thing in the morning Sir." And with that, he was up the flight without another word.

It took awhile to realize what had just happened. She looked down at the ground, tried to smile, anything that would take away the thought of the proud CC Babcock ending up like that.

Finally the words came to her throat that she needed desperately to say. "My god he’s right. The best years of my life are gone." She looked up from the ground. "And they sucked. I have always stayed too long at the fair." Walking over to the foyer table and setting the recorder down to pick up her purse. "Well not this time. I have to move on."

Taking each step at a time, she made her way to the door. Turning to her partner, but still keeping her gaze directed at the ground, she said, "Maxwell, my resignation will be on your desk in the morning."

Taking the knob in her hand and pulling it open, she walked out of that house, never wanting to return.

But, after a night of hellish visions of sitting around in a clinic, recounting her days of being a Broadway Producer to a crowd of red nosed drunks, she decided that she had better go back in hopes of changing her life.

She burst through the open door around nine thirty in the morning.

"Hello, hello!"

Maxwell ran out of the office to meet a hysterical CC, just as Fran emerged from the kitchen, still noshing on a cream filled donut from breakfast.

"CC/Miss Babcock? What are you doing here?" they asked in unison.

CC gulped, trying to moisten her dry throat. "Is Niles still here?"

Both husband and wife exchanged a glance.

"Well? Look, I didn’t drive here in the early morning rush for nothing did I?"

Nanny Fine took her shoulder and purposefully led her way from the breakable vases.

"I’m sorry Miss Babcock. You missed him by about five minutes." She patted her shoulder comfortingly.

"I just missed him? I wait over six hours so I won’t miss him, and in five minutes I do?"

Fran backed up, running anxious hands over the bulge under her dress. "Uh, yeah?"

CC rubbed her face with sweaty palms. She pulled them away and shook them, her eyes darting from the Sheffields to the door then upstairs and back again.

"Alright. Maybe if I start now, I can catch him at the airport. I did overhear correctly that he’s flying back to England didn’t I?"

The two gave her a look of astonishment.

"What? Like I haven’t learned a few tricks of the trade while knowing Niles?"

Fran shook her head and clasped her hands to her heart. "Oh, this is going to be so romantic!" She stretched an arm out to CC. "You catching him at the airport, telling him that you love him and he tells you that he loves you."

Maxwell stepped behind her. "When compared to their twenty years, our five don’t look so bad, do they?"

"Don’t push it."

CC pulled the door and stopped. "Who said anything about love? I’m just going to make sure that that good for nothing Feather Duster doesn’t leave this country without me!" She threw the iron door open and flew down the stoop to her car.

As she sped down the boulevard, she kept thinking of their reunion. Would it be bittersweet? Would he publicly refuse her as she had done? Or would he welcome her with open arms? She couldn’t tell. Her life was way too confusing at times.

Suddenly the traffic ceased to move. Horns started to blow, cabbies started to yell, and passengers started to worry.

"Hell! Of all the times to have a jam!" CC swore under her breath, thinking of joining the ensemble of auto instruments.

The cars began to move again, though very slowly; inching their way up to see the cause of the back up.

As CC came closer to the roadblock, her anger grew. Why? The plane would be leaving soon and he would be on it. She had to get to the airport and fast.

What was the holdup?

But as her lane of cars came by the scene, CC wished with all her heart that she had left five minutes earlier to see him. Five little minutes and this whole thing wouldn’t have happened.

The accident seemed to have been caused by an ice cream truck, running into a small, cheaply made car on the driver’s side. It had apparently gone up in flames, hence the reason for water and fireman. Police cars, ambulances, and even a fire-truck surrounded the crash, making it almost impossible to see the damage. The emergency aids were wheeling some person into the ambulance, a respirator carried by one of them.

Almost impossible to see the wreckage. As she passed by, she read the license plate that had been fortunate enough to make it through the scorching blazes.

"B-Boy." CC read breathlessly. Had she really read that? Or was it just her imagination?

Nope, it was definitely not her imagination. B hyphen B-O-Y. She had never dreamed that he would put that gag gift on his car. It was a joke. A harmless joke.

Her heart jumped to her throat. His car was the wreckage. He was in that crash.

And here she was, hopelessly devoted to this man that she had hurt so much. Riding with him to the hospital, calling the Sheffields to come, making sure he had the best doctor and the best nurse to look after him. Here she was, hoping and praying that he wouldn’t leave her again.

Raising her eyes to the respirator, she saw the peaks come faster and faster. With a look to his face, she knew that he needed help.

She stood and pushed the call button, expecting doctors and nurses to pour through the door as she had seen so often on TV. But this was real life.

Pushing it again, CC sat back down on the chair, gazing at his unmoving eyes.

"Please don’t leave me," She whispered. "Please."

But almost as soon as she started to speak, the door was opened and in came two doctors. A nurse followed behind them, and led CC out as they hovered over Niles.

She used her nails to claw her way back to the doorframe just in time to see one rubbing the paddles together for the application of shock. The nurse pulled her away and the door slammed shut in her face.

Maxwell and Fran stood up as she came from the dark hall marked "Cardiology Patients", accompanied by the nurse.

She sat down, barely felt arms encircling her shoulders.

"CC, how is Niles?"

CC clamped her mouth shut and felt a nervous shiver take over her body.

Fran stepped in. "Miss Babcock, we’re dying out here. Give us some information."

She looked up, turned her head and barely got out, "They’re applying shock as we speak." Before breaking down, the tears running down her cheeks and dripping off her chin.

Maxwell sat down on the other side. "There, there CC. I’m sure he’ll be just fine. You know he’s a fighter." Though she could hear the shakiness in his voice as he told her what all of them wanted to hear.

She wiped a hand across her eyes. "I know."

Nanny Fine got up and tapped her husband on the shoulder. "Sweetie, we should probably give her some space."

"You’re right."

They moved back to their original spots and sat down, talking quietly among themselves.

She didn’t hear them, only saw their lips move. It was as if they were in a silent film, but with no happy music to lead them. This wasn’t a happy time.

CC looked back down that hall and wondered what torture they were putting him through now. Why hadn’t they contacted her yet? What was wrong? Was he dead?

A nurse slowly walked out of the darkness and over to the waiting area.

"Is there a CC Babcock here?"

CC didn’t hear her.

Fran got up and shook her shoulder.

"What?" She growled, looking up.

"The nurse just asked for you."

CC looked over to the woman standing there at the entrance to the hallway. She stood, wiped her mascara and tear-stained cheeks dry, and walked over to her.

"I’m CC Babcock."

"Come with me."

She was lead back again down that same hall, darkened because of the dying bulbs. CC tried to look happy, or at least pleasant, but she couldn’t pull it off. There was nothing to be pleasant about.

Back to room #301. She stepped into the room, the doctors standing at one corner in the shadows, trying to look inconspicuous. The door was shut behind her, and she walked blindly to the edge of the bed. She sat down on the mattress, next to his thigh and propped herself up with a locked left elbow.

She glanced up at the doctors.

"He mumbled your name. He needs you." One of them said, but so quietly she couldn’t tell which doctor had said it. "Talk to him."

She looked into his closed eyes and lowered her own. Taking a breath, she began slowly in a soft, emotionally cracked tone.

"Well, it looks like you finally did it," She moistened her lips and twitched her mouth. "You finally had the last word." Picking up his hand, she continued. "Why did we let it get this far? Why didn’t we," she looked up, trying to suppress the tears. "Even try to get on with our lives?

"Here we are, you there, me here. I can’t say anything, you hear, anything! Because all I said was meant for you. You were meant for me. And as much as I can’t believe it, I was meant for you; not just my words.

"All the while, though we tried not to see it, it was plain as day. From the beginning, we were destined to be together. To grow old together, to have," she gulped. "Children together. Whether we did these things as friends or lovers, I couldn’t tell. I still can’t. But either way, I knew that you would always be there for me as you have been in the past."

Smiling weakly, she brought his hand up to her cheek, pressed it close to her flesh. "Niles, while I sat here by your bedside, I thought of our rich history together. Of the time we were trapped in the whine cellar." She smiled with the memory of their first kiss. "Yes, I remember. At the time I wanted so desperately to forget it, but I remembered how it felt to be in the arms of a domestic." She could almost swear a pleased grin passed over his lips. But at a second glance it was gone. "The same thing happened more than a decade later. The nights we’ve danced, and you ripped up that check. You still amaze me to this very day, Mister Pinch-Pocket.

"All of these things went through my head while you were asleep. I even remembered your heart attack. That was a doozy you pulled on me with Maxwell and Nanny Fine. But it wasn’t as bad as this one that I pulled on you just recently.

"You may never forgive me for what I did. Hell, I can’t even forgive myself. But in all my wildest dreams, I never thought I could hurt you like that. I never wanted to hurt you like that. And this morning, I came to apologize like I should have in the beginning. You had already gone, and I just had to catch you before you got on that plane and flew out of my life forever.

"I wanted to tell you how I felt. Then I saw your car in the ashes and I knew that you were already gone, out of my life."

She put his hand back down on the bed, and rested her head against his fingers. "Niles, every part of my body and soul is devoted to yours. Every inch of my skin has longed for your touch. With every breath that I take, with every beat of my heart, with every word that I say, I will love you forever. I only hope that you can love me just as much as I love you."

CC waited for him to wake up, to crack a crooked grin, to see sparkling blue eyes, but there was no movement from the man lying in the hospital bed.

"It has taken such a long time for us to finally realize it together. If only you had waited five minutes for me to arrive today, this wouldn’t have happened. But it did and I’m going to tell you what I would’ve said this morning.

"After you told me the truth, I knew it was the truth. I was too shocked about my own existence that as soon as you went back up the stairs, I had to move on. I know I missed my chance last evening, but I was going to beg you for another chance. I know how I feel now, and I’m ready to give it a try with the man I love."

Still no response.

She stood, rubbing her face in exasperation. "Niles, wake up! Please! Why doesn’t he wake up?" she asked the doctors. They shrugged their shoulders.

CC threw her hands up. "Oh, you two are a lot of help!"

Suddenly, she came back to his side, crouching on the floor, holding his hand between hers, the tears coming full on now. She was literally begging for him to stay alive; on her knees.

"Butler Boy, I’m sorry for everything that caused you pain, I’m sorry for denying your love, I’m sorry for not telling you that I loved you when I had the chance!" Her body shuddered and collapsed onto the bed, crying, begging him not to leave her. Burying her face in his blankets, she screamed out her frustration until her voice went hoarse.

"But Miss Babcock, you just did."

She looked up to see both his eyes and mouth closed. That had to have been her imagination.

"Huh?"

"You just had the chance and you said it."

She watched the sides of his mouth pull into a smile.

"Yes I did, and what are you going to do about it?" she retorted haughtily, standing and kneeling on the floor, her face inches away from his.

"This."

They came together as their lips touched, mouths opening to relive those fleeting moments of passion in one glorifying spark.

"Or maybe that." She breathed, drawing away, but still very close to him.

He chuckled.

"I guess we should put you in the recovery wing now."

"I guess you should."

She ran a finger down the curvature of his chin. "And when you’re rested and strong we can try that little trick you pulled on me a year ago…except with ourselves."

"Life with a witch, it will be fun at that."

"Who said anything about a life? All I said was that I love you. That could mean a life to love you."

He wrapped a blond tendril around his finger. "In my personal belongings bag, there’s a box with something in it that you might want to have." He pointed with the other finger to the table on the other side of the bed.

She stood and reached over him to grab the zip-lock baggie. Sitting down, she opened it and found the velvet black box.

"I don’t know Niles, do you really want to deal with me, every day?" she questioned, holding the box between her fingers.

He snatched the object out of her fingers and popped it open.

"Oh yeah, well, you, you are the most beautiful woman I have ever seen, you walk like a goddess, marry me?"

CC looked at the ring. "Only if you call me by my first name."

"Okay. CC, will you marry me?"

She looked into his sparkling blue eyes. "Of course."

"Then that’s a yes?" he asked hopefully.

"Yes!"

He took her hand and slipped the ring onto her finger.

"From now on, it’s you and me Babcock."

"From now on, it’s you and me Niles."

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