The Nanny is owned and copyrighted by Fran Drescher, Sony Pictures, CBS, and many others. This is just a small piece of fan fiction created for my enjoyment and nothing else. I hope you all enjoy it.

Note: The poem at the end of this story is from the song We Really Aren't That Different, by country singer Collin Raye. I have no connection with that song, either.

Inner Thoughts

by

Mary M.
(Mary.Mosholder@pit.afres.af.mil)

CC woke with a start. Why did she keep having that dream ? For God's sake! Rob's been dead over 20 years, why think about him now ? She hated dreaming about him. She'd done the right thing. Mother said he wasn't right for her. What was it she said ? "Blue collar and blue blood don't mix.". But, Robbie was so…invigorating. Most boys she knew were just boring carbon copies of each other. Robbie was different. He was a rebel, and he adored her. She used to love riding with him on the back of his Harley. The wind in her hair made her feel vibrant, alive. He made her feel special, not for her money, but for herself. Robbie was exciting and he made her feel alive.

But it was wrong! She thought. They had nothing in common. They came from different worlds. Classes don't mix. Of course they do. She hated hearing Rob's voice in her head. It was so annoying.. Why couldn't he just shut up ! He never knew when to shut up. He made her fall in love with her. If he'd just stayed quiet, she probably wouldn't have fallen for him in the first place. All the other boys she knew were quiet, genteel. No…he had to be loud and funny. He had to be different. Maybe if he was somebody her parents would approve of …You wouldn't of liked me. This is so annoying. This is stupid, she thought, I've gone years without thinking about him. Why now?

CC was driving down the street, when the poem popped in her head. It was such an idiotic poem. Penned by a man who was stupid enough to get himself killed. Why do I keep thinking about him ? He's dead, move on. She could still see him in her head. Why was she so fascinated by him? Yeah, he was unlike anyone she ever knew, so what ? So what if she never found a man as interesting again. So what, if next to Robbie all men were robots ; well, all men except ...Don't go there!, she thought. He's beneath you. She couldn't go for him. She was a sophisticated woman and he was …primal…What was wrong with her? So he was the wittiest man she's ever met. So, what?

CC couldn't believe she actually had to wait for Maxwell today. She never had to wait for him before Nanny Fine came along. Before Nanny Fine, Maxwell was always waiting in his office for her. He was always prepared. Now he spends most of his time with his wife. You jealous? No, I just wish he'd be a professional. But the truth is she was jealous. Not of Maxwell's marriage, but Maxwell himself. The man spent his whole life doing the opposite of what was expected. His parents wanted him to go into law ; he went into theater. His parents would have wanted his children to be raised in a sophisticated British atmosphere ; he settled on a riotous Yiddish one. His mother hated Nanny Fine ; he married her anyway. How does he defy his family like that? The question is, why can't you? CC thought about college. She wanted to go into business, but her father liked theater and she studied that to please him. She was always trying to please her parents. She was the perfect little rich girl. For all the good it did her. Her family didn't even visit her when she was in The Place. Of course they didn't. Did you actually expect Mother to acknowledge that her daughter is a nutcase. Nobody wants to visit a pathetic loser. Niles did. CC smiled at that. She was so touched when she found out he visited her. Stop that. You're getting soft. Remember, you're a Babcock. You have a reputation. Suddenly she caught sight of Maxwell and Nanny Fine. Meanwhile, there's a man who does what he likes, and still has his reputation. How does he do that?

CC was bored. Maxwell called her and told her to take the day off. Nanny Fine wasn't feeling well, and he wanted to stay with her. What a sap. What does he see in her, anyway. They're so different. Suddenly that poem popped into her head again. What is it with that poem ? Think about something else. She started thinking about what Niles was doing. Probably dusting something, she smirked to herself. She missed him. She barely saw him yesterday because he was out running errands. She wished she could go over today and see him, throw him a few insults. He was so funny. But she has the day off. There's no reason for her to be there. I could come up with an excuse…No, then I'll look stupid and desperate. She thought about calling her mother, but then realized that she's on safari. And her father was in China on business. They're always somewhere else when you need them. It didn't matter anyway. She didn't want to talk to her family. There was only person she wanted to talk and he had nothing to offer her. Except love.

CC couldn't believe where she was. What possibly possessed her to come to the cemetery? He's been dead for 20 years for God's sake! She couldn't believe she was actually crying. She did what was right. They were too different. She thought about that fight they had and she felt guilty. Oh, come on, it wasn't your fault., she thought as she wiped away the tears. You told him the truth. He wasn't the right man for you. It's not your fault he decided to jump on his Harley at 80 miles an hour and get himself killed... She couldn't have stayed with him. She had to find someone more compatible. Found him yet? Yes, I did. But he married Nanny Fine. This wasn't fair. She did everything right. She was supposed to be with a man like Maxwell Sheffield.. He was rich, creative, he came from a good family. He had everything she could want from a man. This was insane. She did everything she was supposed to do ; why was she still alone?

CC started daydreaming while Nanny Fine was talking. It's not like she had anything important to say. Of course that didn't stop Maxwell from hanging on her every word. I swear, I don't know why I stay for these dinners. With that, Niles entered the room. He made some wry comment to her. She loved it when he did that. He was such a fun man to be around. Unlike Maxwell, who was as witty as a doormat, Maxwell was doting over Nanny Fine. She has a little cold, you idiot, she's not terminal., CC thought to herself. She would never want a man fawning over her. She wanted a strong, virile man who'd keep her on her toes. A man who was…passionate? Niles started talking to her again. God she loved the sound of his voice. If she could be with any man, it would be …Well, that's enough of that.

CC woke with a start again. She had that dream again, but it was different this time. It wasn't just about Robbie ; Niles was there too. He had a heart attack at the same moment Rob crashed. It was so scary. The thought of never seeing him again. She thought about that heart attack he had a few years ago. She grabbed the phone to make sure he was alright. This is absurd ; it was just a dream. Maxwell would think you were moronic for waking up the whole house. No, she wouldn't call. If something was wrong they'd call her. Or would they? She leapt out of bed and got dressed. She had to make sure everything was alright. She'd drive to the house. If the lights were all out, and all the cars were there, then everything was fine. There's no need to wake everybody up.

CC let out a sigh of relief when she got to the Sheffield estate. All was quiet. No ambulance, all cars accounted for, and all lights out. Everything was fine, then. Unless. She had to know for sure. She ran to the house and let herself in. She had to make sure he was okay. If something happened to him... She peeked into his room. He was just sleeping. She could hear him snoring. It was the most beautiful sound she ever heard. He looked so peaceful sleeping. It didn't matter that he was just a servant. All that mattered was he was alive and he made her feel alive. Without him, life would be empty. She wished she could just curl up beside him and tell him how scared she was. Why couldn't she do it? It wasn't like she was a 17 year old girl afraid of her parents. She started towards him, then stopped. I can't do this. I can't.

CC sat on the steps for a while. She couldn't do it. To put her heart on the line like that, for someone like him. It went against everything she was taught. Maybe if he wasn't just a butler…Oh, that was low, even for you. She looked up the stairs. Why was it so easy for Maxwell to go against the grain, and so hard for her? Did she want to be alone for the rest of her life ? Who am I kidding?, she muttered. I'm too much of a coward to stay, and I know it. And with that, she left.

Driving home, the poem popped in the head again. She let herself remember the whole thing this time. So Niles was a butler, so what? That didn't change how she felt about him. He was still sexy, and witty and she felt lonely when he wasn't around.. Maybe he could make her happy. But CC knew she couldn't make the first move. She wanted to, but over 30 years of conditioning made that impossible. But if she knew for certain that he felt the same way ; if he made the first move…maybe she'd be able to give in. He was the strong one, and if she could rely on his strength, it could work. CC shook her head. He wouldn't make the first move, and she sure as hell couldn't. Maybe they were just too different. Or maybe not, as she thought of the poem again:

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