Lady Fran

by

Debbie

SHEFFIELD RESIDENCE - MID DECEMBER 1998, ABOUT 3 PM

Max walks in the front door.  He has just had a very successful day at the theater with three more backers supporting his new production of "Figaro's Bride" (Sondheim's new musical) presently in production.  While he is hanging up his coat, the doorbell rings.

"I'll get it, Niles," he calls out and opens the door to find the mailman.

"Special Delivery for Maxwell Sheffield," the mailman announces.

"That's me."

"Sign here, please."

Max signs the form and takes the rather official looking envelope and heads toward his office.  Turning it over, he notices the return address 'Buckingham Palace'.  Wondering what it's all about, he opens the letter and starts to read ...

"Maxwell Sheffield, by the pleasure of the Queen, Her Majesty Elizabeth of Great Britain, you are to be honored with the title Knight of the British Empire for your services to the arts."

Max stopped dead.  "Oh, my God.  Oh my God"  He drops down onto the living room sofa and reads on, skimming now.  "New Year's Honor's List...tell no one...January 1st...tell no one...official ceremony in March...tell no one...tell no one!  Oh, no, how can I not tell Fran?  Or Niles?"  He stops to think.  "Bloody hell, how can I tell Fran or Niles?  I may as well put it in the New York Times!  No, it's only 2 weeks.  I'll have to keep it from them.  This could be bloody difficult!"

Niles walks into the living room.  "Are you all right, sir?" he asks.

Max quickly hides the letter, 'guilty' written all over his face.  "Sure, old man, why do you ask?"

"Well, sir, you are in here muttering to yourself 'tell no one'.  Tell no one what?"  Niles queries.

"Uh, nothing, Niles, nothing.  Just a few worries down at the theater.  Something I don't want to tell CC.   Um,  where's Fran?  Where are the children?"  Max  tries to change the subject.

Niles, recognizing the strategy for what it was replies, "Miss Fine ... I mean, Mrs. Sheffield is picking up Master Brighton and Miss Grace from school and taking them shopping.  Something about a 60% off sale at Loehmanns.  Miss Margaret has late classes today.   Now look, sir, are you sure you're OK?"

Max is sitting there, fidgeting and not meeting Niles' eyes.  He seems distracted.  "Mmm...yes, I'm fine, Niles."

 "Well, then may I get you a drink or something, sir?" Niles asks.

"No, no, I'm OK, Niles.  Really."

"All right, sir, I'll be in the kitchen if you need me."  Niles walks away toward the hallway.  Once he rounds the corner, though, he pauses and peeks back at Mr. Sheffield.  Max is once again absorbed in his letter.  His expressions range from delight to astonishment to amazement.  Niles hasn't seen a look like that on his face since the wedding.

"He's hiding something, I know it!" Niles thinks to himself.  "Well, it shouldn't take me long to find out what!"


AN HOUR LATER

Fran and the children arrive home.  Max has, by now, temporarily hidden the letter and worked out a plan on how not to tell Fran and Niles - or at least try not to tell Fran and Niles.  He meets Fran at the door.  "Hello, darling.  Did you have a good shop?"  He grabs her and kisses her.  Brighton and Grace just grin at each other.  They're used to all this.  Fran and their dad have been married 7 months now but it still seems like they're still on their honeymoon - well, maybe not the honeymoon.  Max still gets a cold chill over that disaster!

"Hi Max, honey.  Oy, what a day.  B needed new shoes and shirts and Gracie had to get a dress for the Christmas party she's going to on Saturday and Loehmanns was packed and I saw this gorgeous dress for our New Year's Eve party and..."

Max gave her another kiss.  "Hold it Fran.  Stop and take a breath!  You can tell me about it later."  He gives her another kiss.  Fran doesn't complain.   It's one of the many things she likes about being married to Max - he's not afraid of kissing her - anytime and anyplace!

"Hi, Daddy.  Do you think I'm old enough to wear lipstick to the party Saturday?"  Gracie asks.

"No bloody way!  I don't even think Margaret should even be wearing it yet."  Max still can't believe his children are growing up.

"Hey Dad," Brighton says.  "You're home early and look pretty pleased with yourself.  Did 'Cats' close or something?"

"No, Brighton, I'll have you know I've had a very successful day, so don't you be so cheeky.  Now, Niles was preparing afternoon tea a minute ago. Why don't you go see what he has prepared."

"OK, daddy."  "Great, I'm starved!"  The two children say.

"You're always starved, B.  It must be those 2 hollow legs you've got."  Fran smiles as they race off without her.

"Stay here, please, Fran."  Max grabs her and starts to give her little kisses.  "I came home early to see you.  I missed you."

"Mmm...me too,"  Fran whispers as he leads her to the sofa.  They sit down and snuggle together.

"How's the show going, honey?  I can't believe you got Barbra to star?  Have I told you how much I loved you having her sing at my...uh ...29th birthday party?"

"Fran, she agreed to do the show because of you.  She thought you were marvelous and, if I was smart enough to marry you, I must be heading in the right direction.  Oh, and today we got 3 new backers, rehearsals are going superbly and I got a...a...."   (He catches himself right in time.)

"A what?"

"A...a...new tie"  Max replies sheepishly.

"Oh, is that all?"  Fran looks at him suspiciously.  "Where did you get it - the costumes room?  It looks like Ma's blouse after a night at a Chinese buffet."  Max is not good at secrets.  He also has guilt written all over his face and if there's one thing Fran is a master at, it is guilt. "Well, never mind," she thinks to herself, "Niles will know what it's all about - he knows everything!"

"I might go and join this tea party,"  Fran says.  "I could use a chocolate fix.  Are you coming, Max?"

"Not yet, darling.  I'll join you in a minute,"  Max replies.

Fran gives him a last kiss and quickly heads off to the kitchen.  She has to talk to Niles before Max arrives.  Max heads to his office, once again muttering to himself.  "Well, I almost gave the bloody game away already.  I'll have to be on my toes for the next 2 weeks.  Now, where can I put this letter so they won't find it?  The safe is no good.  They both know how to open that easily enough."  He wanders around the office, discarding ideas.  Finally he decides to file it.  "I'll put it in the Bills file.  Neither of them will look there - they don't pay the bills, just make them!"  Max closes the cabinet, locks it (basically a useless thing to do) and leaves to join Fran in the kitchen.

Meanwhile, in the kitchen, Fran and Niles are talking.  The children had already gone off to do their homework.

"Well, all I know Miss Fine...I mean Mrs. Sheffield, sorry"

"Fran, please Niles.  After all, you're my best friend - after Max, of course - so  you should call me Fran."

"OK, OK.  All I know, Fran, is that when I sneaked back to check on him he was pouring over this letter.  The doorbell had rung a few minutes earlier but Mr. Sheffield answered it.  Oh, he's hiding something, I'm sure of it."  Niles was emphatic in this.

"I'm worried, Niles.  Ever since that incident with Margo and the mole, I thought we trusted each other but he's not telling me, or you, something big.  Well, no problem.  He's never able to keep a secret too long - especially a good one.  Remember the 'ring'?  He had to tell you and you had to tell me and then I told Ma and she told Mr. Chung and he told Val and, Niles, now I know why he isn't telling us.  He doesn't trust us!"  Fran started to sob on Niles shoulder.  "And he's absolutely right not to!"

"There, there, Miss Fi...Fran.  I'm sure it's not that serious."  Niles says, patting her on the shoulder. "But, don't worry, I'll find out what it's about or my name isn't Niles B...Niles, the Butler.  Maybe I'll get CC to help me.  Ever since she finally got over Mr. Sheffield she's been much more pleasant, and she knows ALL his hiding places!"

Max enters the kitchen.  "Fran, honey.  What's the matter?  Why are you crying on Niles' shoulder?"  He goes up to her, turns her around and hugs her himself.  "Actually, old man, what was she doing crying on your shoulder?"

"Well, I was peeling onions, sir, and Miss Fine, I mean Mrs. Sheffield..."

"Never mind.  I know I'll not get the truth from you anyway.  Fran, is there any more tea?  I'm a bit thirsty and there's nothing like a nice cup of tea!"  Max sits down at the table.

"Yes, honey.  I'll get you some,"  Fran sniffs and gets the tea and she sits down at the table with Max.  "I'm OK now.  I just don't like sec...onions!"  She gives Niles a quick glance.

THE NEXT DAY, ABOUT 10 AM

Max had left for the theater about 8 and the kids went off to school when Niles and Fran started their search for 'the letter'.

"Miss Fi...Fran...You take the bedroom first and I'll take the office.  Remember, it's a very official looking letter," Niles suggests to Fran.

"OK, Niles -- but leave everything tidy or he'll know for sure we've been looking."  Fran heads upstairs and goes into the bedroom.  She then starts to throw all the clothes out of Max's chest of drawers onto the floor, muttering under her breath.  "No, not in here.  How about here?  Nope."  She moves onto the closet.  All the boxes on the top shelf come out.  They're opened and tossed onto the bed.  Frustrated, she stops and, hands on hips whines, "where can it be?"

"Where can what be, darling?"  Max walks into the room and stops.  "What the bloody hell is going on here?"

"Oops!  Ah...nothing...I...I was just looking for...for...for...my...hat...yeah, for my hat.."  Fran manages to look rather chagrined at being caught.

"I don't suppose it's the same hat that you 'lost' at the Kibbutz, now is it?"  Max is suspicious but figures a touch of humor might help.

"Ah...no...no."  Fran starts to fumble through the mess.  "This one" -- holding up a stocking cap.  "Ah...Gracie needs it for a...a...play at school...Yes, that's it... She's going to be Wee Willie Winkle."

"In 8th grade?  Not bloody likely!  Isn't she a bit old?"

"Oh...it's for a play...a play they're doing for the kindergarten kids for Christmas."  Fran is starting to feel more secure, thinking she's getting her story down but suddenly Niles walks in.

"Fran, have you had any luck?  I couldn't find...and what are you doing home, sir?"  Niles recovers much more quickly as he notices Max standing there looking very suspiciously at both of them.  "I see you have started on your cleaning out of the drawers you said were going to do, Mrs. Sheffield.  I'm sorry it took me so long to get here but I just couldn't find that drawer lining paper I thought we had."  He starts picking up and folding the clothes that Fran had thrown all over the floor.

"It's OK, Niles.  Oh, and I found the 'hat' I was looking for."   Fran is still trying to cover up.  "Here it is!" she says while holding up the stocking cap.

Max, meanwhile, massaging the now throbbing vein in his forehead, knows exactly what's been happening.  "I know what you two are up to.  I came home to get some papers and came upstairs to give my wife a kiss and what do I find - a bloody disaster!  Well, let me inform the both of you - you  won't bloody well find what you are looking for so I wouldn't even keep trying.  It's hidden away where even you two won't find it."  Max suddenly starts to cool down. "But trust me -- it's not bad news.  Now, I have to get back to the theater.  See you later and STAY OUT OF MY THINGS!!!"

Max turns and leaves.  Niles and Fran give each other guilty looks.  "Well," Fran sighs, "at least now we know for sure he's got a secret."

"Now, now, Fran.  It can't be a bad surprise.  He's too jubilant...too buoyant.  I guess he's won this round - it can't hurt us to let him win once in a while.  We'll find out sooner or later."

"You're probably right, Niles.  I guess we'd better get this mess cleaned up."  Fran puts on the stocking cap.  "Do you like my hat?"  she giggles.

NEW YEAR'S EVE - TWO WEEKS LATER - AROUND 11 PM

Fran and Max's first family party since the wedding is in full swing.  The room is full of noise and music.  Sheffields, Fines and Babcocks are all mixing well - possibly because of all the good food and drink but probably because they all can see how happy Fran and Max are.  All of them are there - except for Max's mother.  Maggie, Brighton and Grace all have dates.  Lester and Jocelyn have come, their differences apparently sorted out.   Nigel has brought his new girlfriend who looks remarkably like Fran.  Noel has found a new 'Eliza Doolittle' in Val. Yetta and Sammy, Sylvia and Morty (with a new wig) and of course, CC, complete the guests.  Noel and Val are dancing, CC and Niles are arguing over glasses of brandy about who's more valuable to Max.  Sylvia, of course, is at the food table.  Suddenly Max turns off the music and turns on the television to the late night news.

"Ssh, everybody...I have to watch this,"  he states.  He stands quietly in front of the television, hands together under his chin.
Dan Rather, filling in for the regular late night news announcer, comes on:

"In overseas news, Queen Elizabeth has just announced her New Year's Honor's list and one of our own, Maxwell Sheffield, the Broadway producer, has been named a Knight of the British Empire.  This puts him up there with Lord Andrew Lloyd Webber and Sir Paul McCartney.  A statement from Buckingham Palace reads that although Maxwell Sheffield has chosen to make his home in New York City, he is still British and his contributions to the arts cannot be overlooked.  His formal investiture will take place in March at Buckingham Palace.  Congratulations, Maxwell, from all of us at CBS.  In other news..."

Max turns off the television.  The silence from the rest in room was almost deafening.  All of a sudden they all, except for Fran, start talking at once, coming up to congratulate Max.  Kisses and handshakes abound.

"What...when...congratulations...why didn't you say anything...That's great...etc."

"Oy...does this mean my son-in-law is going to be royal?"  Sylvia asks while chomping on a shrimp.  "Hey, Morty, we're going to be related to royalty!"

"So that's what it was!" Niles suddenly exclaims.  "That was the big secret!  Well, I'll be damned.  Well done, sir - for both the award AND keeping it secret!"

"I sort of knew," Fran says quietly, going up to Max and giving him a big hug.  "I found the letter about a week ago.  I wanted to take something back to Loehmanns and I needed the receipt.  I couldn't find it in the files under Receipts so I looked under Bills and there it was - the receipt AND the letter and I," proudly  "didn't tell anyone - not Ma, not Niles, not Val, not even you, honey."

"Oh, Fran, darling.  I'm sorry I didn't tell you but I couldn't.  You read the letter.  It said to tell no one."

"Actually, I didn't read the letter - just the address and then I thought about Cher and the 'mole' and all the others and...and I couldn't do it.   You said 'trust me' so I trusted you that the secret wasn't bad...and, oh, Max...you're a 'sir'!!"

"And you are 'my lady'," he replies as he gives Fran a big hug.  "And I'm so proud of you, Frannie."

The clock then struck midnight.  "Happy New Year, everyone" Max wishes everyone and then, while the others sing, kiss and celebrate he draws Fran into a corner and proceeds to wish her a VERY Happy New Year.

THREE MONTHS LATER - A TUESDAY IN MARCH, ABOUT 3 PM.

Max, Fran and the children are all in a limo heading towards Buckingham Palace.  They wanted Niles to come because, after all, he was almost family, but he preferred to stay in New York with CC.  (Was something happening there?)  All of the Sheffields are dressed in their finest.  Fran, once again, is in red - her lucky color.

"Oh, Max, I can't believe this.  Me, a girl from Flushing, being presented to the Queen of England.  And you - Sir Maxwell.  Oy, I could just die!"

"Please don't do that, darling.  Besides, how about you - Lady Fran!  I'll just bet Judy Silverman is green with envy.  This has certainly put my mother's nose out of joint, as well.  She ranks lower than you, now!"

"Hey, Dad,"  Maggie cries, "look, we're here. Oh, I hope Prince William is here.  He is so-o-o hot!"

"Daddy, what if I fall when I curtsy?"  Gracie suddenly asks.

"Curtsy, curtsy - what curtsy?  Max, you never told me we had to curtsy?"  Fran is starting to panic.  She grabs Max and starts to shake him.  "Oh my god, I can't curtsy in this dress.  I can barely sit in this dress!  It'll be the Camp Kindervelt reunion all over again but in front of the Queen...oh...oh Max, why didn't you tell me?"

"Calm down, darling.  It's only a little curtsy.  I'll demonstrate when we get there.  Don't panic.  You Americans are always so awed by royalty while we British tend to take it in our stride - stiff upper lip and all that.  Isn't that correct, children?  Children?"

None of the children were paying attention to Max.  They all had their faces glued to the windows of the limo.  "We're here, we're here!"

"Well, I guess they did grow up in America," Max comments, sheepishly.

The limo stops and a footman open the door for them. They all get out.  Max introduces himself, "Maxwell Sheffield and family."  The footman just nods.

"Hi, I'm Fran, the Nanny, I mean, Fran, the wife."  Fran holds out her hand but the footman ignores her.  "Gee, they're not very friendly, are they," she mutters to Brighton.

"Follow me, sir, madam, children."  The footman sets off through a door of the palace.

"Oy, look at this place, Fran,"  Gracie says.  "It makes Billy's place in Koorestan look pretty ordinary, doesn't it, Fran?"

Fran says nothing.  For once in her life she is at a loss for words.  She's awestruck.  Max practically has to drag her down the hall.  Finally the footman stops and opens a door to an anteroom.   "If you will all please wait here, sir.  Her Majesty will be sending for your shortly.  Help yourselves to the refreshments."  He motions them into a room bigger than the Fine family apartment in Flushing, closes the door and departs.  The children head straight for the buffet table.

"Yes, food!"  This from Brighton.

"Max, Max...I can't do this."  Fran is still in panic mode.  "All this scares me (she sweeps her hand around the room) and, what's this curtsy business?"

"Calm down, Fran darling.  Everything will be fine.  After all, you handled Barbra so how can Queen Elizabeth possibly scare you?  And the curtsy is nothing."  (He demonstrates... awkwardly, and almost falls over.) "Well, it'll be easier for you."

"In this dress?"  Fran's dress is long and straight with a slit to just above the knee.)  "Oh, why did you let me wear this dress?  Oh, Max, I'll make a fool of myself and embarrass you and ma will hear about it and..."

"Fran, just relax."  He has never seen her lose her composure like this so he gives her a big kiss.  That usually shuts her up and it did so this time.

"Now, darling, remember this - no matter what happens, I love you.  You can fall over and I'll pick you up and I'll still love you.  Even if they take the award away I'll still love you.  You are more important to me than any old bloody knighthood."

Fran slowly starts to relax.  Finally Max sees a smile.  "Thank you, sweetheart.  You always know what to say.  Now, let me practice that curtsy."  After a few wobbly attempts, Fran manages to come close to the required one but, now, Max was pacing.

"What in the bloody hell is taking them so long?  My god, I'm turning into a nervous wreck.  Fran, hold me - I need you now!"

"Hey, dad, be cool.  Here, have one of these sandwiches."  Brighton comes up with a handful of miniature cucumber sandwiches and gives some to his father.  Max eats 3 in one bite before he remembers that he hates cucumbers!  "Ugh...why did you let me eat that.  You know what cucumbers do to me!"

"Calm down, sweetie," Fran says as she gives him a kiss.  "You'll be fine, the kids are fine, I'm fine - actually, I used to be Fine, now I'm Sheffield."  Max grimaces at her sick joke but then, finally, he too smiles.

Suddenly, the door opens.

"Come with us, sir, madam.  The children, too."  It is a different footman from before.

"Us...what us?  I only see one?"  Fran quietly asks Max.

"It's just an expression, Frannie.  Sort of like the royal 'we'," Max explains.

"Oh, OK.," not understanding in the least.

They head down another long corridor into what must be the throne room.  A majordomo meets them at the door.  There's a long, red carpet running the length of the room with two thrones at the end.  "Madam and the children will wait for you in those seats down there." The majordomo points out some chairs about 2/3 of the way along the carpet.  "You must wait here until your name is announced then walk slowly down the carpet.  Her Majesty will then ask signal for you to kneel while she anoints you with the sword.  Then you stand, bow and return to your family.  Later, at the reception, your family will meet the Queen and her family officially."

"Uh...OK...I think I've got that."  Max is very nervous.

"Good luck, honey.  Break a leg.  Remember I love you."  Fran gives his hand a squeeze then she and the children are led to their seats.

A herald announces the arrival of the Queen and Prince Phillip.  They take their seats on the thrones.  Prince William and Prince Harry are with them.   After a short time, Max hears the herald call his name.

"Maxwell Beverly Sheffield, please approach the throne."  All of this was done with the pomp and pageantry the British have followed since long before the days of the first Queen Elizabeth.  Max, escorted by two footmen, walks slowing down the carpet.  As he reaches the throne, he remembers his instructions and, on very shaky legs, slowly kneels before the Queen.

"Maxwell Sheffield, for your services to the arts, particularly theater, both here and abroad, I am pleased to bestow upon you the title of Sir Maxwell Sheffield, Knight of the British Empire - even if you did pass on 'Cats'."  Max gives his head a small shake.  Did he really hear that last sentence?

The Queen then takes the royal sword and taps Max on each shoulder.  She then places a medallion around his neck.  "Arise, Sir Maxwell."  Max rises.  "Ladies and gentleman, I present to you, Sir Maxwell Sheffield."  Max gives a bow to each of the Royal Family and slowly returns to Fran and the children who could hardly stay in their seats, they were so excited.  The hall broke out in applause.

"Oh, I'm so proud of you, Max."  Fran takes his hand in hers.

"Us, too, Dad.  Well done."  The children all want to take a hand as well.  Gracie is the lucky one.

Max just grins.  Maybe he wasn't a Lord like Andrew Lloyd Webber, but who cares.  He was a 'sir' and with a 'lady' like Fran, who needs anything else?


ABOUT AN HOUR LATER, AT THE RECEPTION

Maggie and Grace are dancing with Prince William and Prince Harry.  Wouldn't they have a story or two to tell when they returned to New York.  Brighton, once again, is at the buffet but he's now  talking to a very pretty young lady with red hair.  Fran and Max, arm in arm, just watch them.  They are still a bit awestruck by the whole thing.  "Oh, Max, pinch me.  I must be dreaming.  Wait 'til I tell Ma.  She won't believe it."

Brighton comes up. "Hey Dad and Fran.  This is Beatrice.  Isn't she a princess!"

"Hello, Beatrice.  Smile!"  Fran has her usual camera.

"Gee, I hope she remembered to use the 'red eye'."  Beatrice said.

"Well, see ya!"  This from Brighton as he and Beatrice leave to join Maggie and Grace.
 
Suddenly, the Queen and Prince Phillip come up to them.

"Sir Maxwell, please introduce us to your lovely wife," the Queen requests.

Max bows.  "Of course, your Majesty.  This is my wife, Fran."

Fran, in the meantime, is trying to curtsy.  Suddenly, she falls, right into the arms of Prince Phillip.  "Oh, I give up!"  she says as the Prince helps her to her feet and sticks out her hand. "How do you do, your holiness...I mean your royalty...oh, sorry."

The Queen starts to laugh.  "Just call me Elizabeth," she says and shakes Fran's hand.

Prince Phillip also holds out his hand.  "And I'm Phil."

"So, how are you enjoying this little reception of ours, Fran?" the Queen asks.

"Oh, it's wonderful.  I love your house.  Did you do the decorating yourself?  Listen, Beth, could you please tell me something?"  Max winces.  He's almost afraid of what she'll say next.   "Where are the restrooms?  I'm getting desperate!  You see I'm" (and for this she draws the Queen aside) "pregnant but I only just found out and Max doesn't even know yet.  You've had kids, so you should know how it is with pregnant ladies and restrooms."

The Queen chuckles.  "Of course, I'll take you personally."  Before she walks off, she turns to Max and admonishes him.  "You have a 'winning production' here, Maxwell Sheffield.  Don't you dare lose her!"

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