Back to Fan Fictionby
Heather Loughlin
and
Michele M. Lacina
"NILES!!" Fran's shattering voice echoed through the house. As she began to rise from the fluffy living room chair she fell back. "NILES! I NEED ANOTHER PILLOW HERE!!"
Fran tried to waddle her 8-month pregnant body to the couch to get another pillow. Somehow, although the spirit was willing, the body was not. Niles came down the stairs trying as hard as possible to hold back his laughter.
"Mrs. Sheffield! Just what are you trying to do?" He pushed her back just as she threatened to fall headfirst onto the couch. Calmly he plopped two big pillows behind her.
Fran let out a huge sigh and chuckled, "You're such a doll, Niles! What would I do without you?"
Just as Niles was about to quip something sarcastic back to the agonized expectant mother to be, the phone rang. Niles, truly tired from all the additional care required by an expectant mother, walked slowly over to pick it up. "Sheffield residence? Oh hello Master Nigel. What? You wish to speak to Mrs. Sheffield? One moment please..." Slowly Niles carried the phone over to Fran and left the room walking toward the stairs.
Fran lifted the receiver to her ear somewhat shocked to hear Nigel on the other end. Since the fiasco right before the wedding she and Max hadn't heard a lot from Nigel. After the normal chit chat Nigel attempted to get to the point.
"Fran doll, I'm in New York and I desperately need to get Maxwell to invest in my nightclub in Paris, however, you know I'm going to need help. And you're the best in the convincing department, luv. C'mon Fran, you're the only one Maxwell will actually listen to without going off the deep end! Please!"
Fran rolled her eyes at Nigel's pathetic display and finally broke the silence after listening to him whine for another few minutes. "Ok, ok, ok, already. I can't take much more of this. What do I need to do?"
Nigel explained that he had already talked to Max earlier and that Max needed Niles to bring him some notes and then would be going straight to Sardi's where they would meet for dinner at 6:00pm. He hoped that Fran could slip out earlier and meet him there about 5:30pm so they could go over some stuff ahead of time. Fran agreed and hung up the phone. She tried to again to get up so she could start getting ready..... but failed again.
"NILES!!!!"
Niles had left earlier to run the notes over to Max after he had called with his news about Nigel being in town. Luckily Niles hadn't picked up on what was going on or Nigel's plan would have been over before it had begun....but then again poor Niles was frazzled with all the extra work he had been dealt with Fran's pregnancy.
Fran finally managed to get herself up and go get ready and was off to meet her brother in-law and husband at Sardi's.
"Calib, do I look all right?" she asked her driver as they were making their way on the L.I.E.
"Mrs. Sheffield, you look beautiful as usual," the driver replied.
Fran smiled sweetly, "Awww...thanks Calib. I never thought I would be this big," she said rubbing her stomach. "I suppose I better call Maxwell and let him know I'm on my way to meet them at the restaurant."
Fran picked up the cell phone and dialed just as she started to feel a small twinge of pain. Her whole body suddenly felt like it was in some kind of vise and she gave a small squeak.
"Mrs. Sheffield, are you all right?" Calib asked with some concern.
Fran closed the phone before completing the call. Maybe she would wait until they arrived at the restaurant and call from there. She could sure use a drink right now.....of anything!
"Yeah, yeah, I'm fine," Fran said putting her cell phone back into her purse. "It must have been indigestion. I knew I shouldn't have eaten that last peanut butter and tuna fish sandwich."
They pulled up to Sardi's and Calib came around the car to help Fran out. Nigel was waiting at the entrance and spotted her immediately.
"Fran, my God! It's lovely to see you again. You look absolutely radiant."
Fran returned his embrace as best as she could seeing how her huge belly separated them by a good twelve inches. "Oh, thank you Nigel! Where are Maxwell and Niles? Have they arrived yet?"
Nigel frowned at Fran's lost enthusiasm with him and replied, "Oh Max gave me a ring. It seems that they are going to be a little late because of some backer problem at the theater."
Fran sighed sadly at the absence of her husband and walked into Sardi's with Nigel. They followed the waiter to their table and started to talk when suddenly Fran's phone rang. She dug it out of her purse spilling half the contents in the meantime (i.e. Snickers, M&Ms, 3 Musketeers, Heath Bar, etc.) and answered it.
"Hello? Maxwell!" Fran smiled and lit up when she heard her husband's voice on the other end of the phone. "Oh honey, I miss you sooo...." Suddenly Fran gasped at another jolt of pain. This time it seemed much stronger. "YOW!" she yelped.
Max on the other end of the phone laughed thinking that Fran was pulling a fast one on him. "Darling, what's the matter? Is the waiter too slow again?" he chuckled. "Come on I know you're not in labor, you have another whole month yet!" Fran suddenly got another jolt and almost dropped the phone. "I think you'd better tell that to this baby cause if I'm not mistaken it doesn't feel like waiting another month."
"Darling, come on now," Max started still thinking that Fran was joking. "Really, what's the matter? Why don't you let me talk to Nigel?"
Fran handed the phone to Nigel nearly dropping it as she started to caress the sides of her huge belly. Nigel grabbed it and starts stuttering to Maxwell on the phone, "Umm...M-m-max, th-th-ere's a p-p-puddle the size of the Th-th-ames river coming out of your wife here. Is that normal?"
"Oh my God!!" Max shouted the light suddenly dawning and he nearly passed out from the shock.
Luckily, Niles by his side holds him up and gives him a good shake. "Get a hold of yourself. This isn't going to help the situation."
Maxwell nodded and managed to plead with Nigel half hysterically to take care of his wife. "We'll meet you at the hospital. Get her there as fast as you can. Please TAKE CARE of her."
Nigel hearing that it is now his responsibility to get her to the hospital rolled his eyes and said, "Ok Max! I'm not an idiot here. I think I can manage to get her to a hospital without a problem."
Signaling the waiter they call for a taxi and rush to the hospital in record time. Fran is breathing heavily, still rubbing the sides of her belly as she was instructed to in lamaze class.
"Are you the father?" the nurse asked Nigel when they arrive.
By now Nigel is starting to panic at the thought of having to handle all this. "No, no! I'm the brother-in-law."
"Must be a close family," the nurse said shaking her head. "Well where is the father?
"Her husband is on his way here!" Nigel yelled.
The nurse jumped back a foot at Nigel's sudden outburst and said, "All right, all right. Well I'm afraid I'm going to have to take your sister-in-law up to the birthing suite. I suggest you wait here for him and tell him where we have gone. From the sounds she's making I don't think we'll have to wait too long for this baby. It looks like she is going into premature labor. When the father gets here you send him up into Birthing Suite 5 so we can get him scrubbed up and ready to assist."
Fran gives another groan while they are talking.
The nurse gives her a worried frown and turns back to Nigel. "Is there any way you can reach the father and tell him to step on it?"
"Yes, Yes. I can call him on his car phone."
The nurse nods at Nigel reassuringly and tries to get him calmed down. "All right. Well you call the father and tell him to hurry up and I'll get our inpatient mother up to her room. My name is Nurse Maria. Ok?"
Nigel responds with a weak smile and runs to a pay phone in a panic to call Max again. He picks up the phone to dial and discovers he has no change. Pulling out everything in his pocket he finally finds a quarter and dials quickly.
Maxwell answers the car phone on the first ring barking into the receiver. "This had better be damn important!.... My wife's having a baby!"
"Max! I think you better get over here ASAP. According to the nurse here Fran may be in premature labor and they need you here immediately."
Max is screaming into the phone while Niles drives through the crowded streets with the ease of a Nascar racer. "She can't have the baby yet! I'm the bloody lamaze coach! For that matter, I'm the bloody father! That's my baby and my wife! I'm not about to have you being the first man to see my baby.....let alone see every inch of my wife," he screams into the phone sounding like a spoiled whiny child. "I'll be there in two minutes if I have to take up flying!"
Niles calmly grabs the phone away from Max and eases into the hospital parking lot. Max races into the hospital while Niles makes a call on the cell phone following hot on his tail.
Reaching the admittance desk Max grabs the first person he sees and yells, "Maternity!! Where's maternity?!!!" The admission clerk points him to the 5th floor where Max runs up the stairs. He arrives at the front desk breathing heavily with Niles right behind him.
"My wife, my wife...Fran Sheffield? What room is she in?" he yells.
Nigel hearing the commotion comes out from the waiting room where he has been sitting and tries to calm him down when Nurse Maria sticks her head out the door.
"What's all this noise? This is a hospital. Mr. Sheffield?"
"Yes?" Nigel and Max both answer in unison, stop and stare at each other and then turn back to her. Niles is also standing there looking at the nurse.
"I want the Mr. Sheffield that belongs to the Mrs. Sheffield in labor! I take it that would be one of you?" she said with a smile.
"I'm Maxwell Sheffield," Max quickly responds and Nurse Maria takes him into the scrub room. "Now just stay calm. I haven't lost a father yet. Your wife is doing just fine and the doctor said that the baby is in excellent condition. We just need to get you scrubbed up and into an outfit."
Max removes his suit and puts on the scrubs in record time. He runs into the birthing suite to see Fran screaming softly in pain.
"Oh darling! It's me, Max. How are you?" he says sweetly kissing Fran on her quivering lips.
"Oh honey, I've been....." Fran starts to pant and ride out another contraction. "BETTER!!"
Nurse Maria came back into the room and gave Max a stern look. "Ok coach! It's time to help your wife with her lamaze. She's been doing great. Now do I understand you want a natural delivery?"
Maxwell yelps out "yes" just as Fran yipes out "no way."
"Well which one is it? You have to make up your mind right now," the nurse adds with some urgency.
Max looks at Fran who is in agonizing pain and says, "no!"
Fran gives him a smile and blows him a kiss in the air between deep breaths. Another contraction is coming on and this one is bigger and longer. She huffs and puffs and yelps out, "DRUGS!! GET me DRUGS!!!"
The nurse leaves and brings in the anesthesiologist who follows her into the room carrying a large needle. He begins to measure the epidural and Max looking on at the size of the needle stares rather horrified.
"You're not going to inject that into my wife?"
"Yes, that's right. You said you didn't want natural childbirth." Squeezing some of the medicine out of the tip he replies, "Now this won't hurt much. I'm just going to inject this into your spine."
With that, Maxwell could take no more. First Fran's premature labor and the race to the hospital, and now a needle that looked like it could bring down an elephant! His eyes rolled back into his head as he passed flat out on the floor. Fran huffing and puffing after being stuck with the needle manages to gasp, "and they say women are the weaker sex! Hey Max! Where do you think you're going?"
Nurse Maria and the anesthesiologist lift Max onto a chair and administer some smelling salts. He is just beginning to come around as Fran starts to feel the first effects of the drugs. Suddenly her head is spinning and she sees Nigel sticking his head in the door. He seems to be singing or talking before everything goes black.
Fade into dream sequence
Nigel appears dressed in a tan woolen tunic over simple brown tights with brown leather booths. He appears to be strumming a lute humming lightly to himself as he sits off alone to the side of a long table groaning under the weight of tons of food.
"Good gentle folk, I beg your leave
to tell a tale so true,
about our friends now torn apart
in time they never knew.
And so dear reader as you take
a ponder at this crime,
Please give us leave to write a page
and flick you back in time."
Kingdom of Flushing in Celtic Britian.... sometime in the Middle Ages
"Well, what do you think?" he asks a cat who lounges at his side as he goes back and sits down. "I know it's not one of my best but what do you expect with the Queen in such a foul mood? I've heard (between you and me, of course) that her daughter turned away another suitor for her hand just this morning. That girl will never marry," he said shaking his head.
Suddenly the door opens and Queen Sylvia appears gowned in a tight purple robe encrusted with intricate embroidery on the sleeves, hem and bodice. A sullen Fran appears trailing after her gowned in an identical gown of the same color. Both wear elaborate purple steeple caps with short veils streaming down their backs.
Sylvia walks to the head of the table and sits down to eat. A servant immediately pours wine into her mug as she starts to holler at him.
"Where's King Morty?" she asks in a voice which could wake the dead.
"Ah fair queen, the King has decided to forgo the midday meal to watch the knights of the realm practice in the far field," he servant replies timidly.
"That rat. He's always watching those darn knights. You might think he's trying to avoid me. Of course that's what happens when you have an ungrateful daughter who refuses to wed. If you don't marry soon we'll be broke and lose our castle and then what will happen?"
"We wouldn't be broke Ma, if you didn't have to eat so much. And how come I have to dress exactly like you do anyway? I hate this gown," Princess Fran replied. "I'm not about to marry just anyone so I can say I'm married. I want a man who loves me for what I am with a love so true and pure it will last through time."
"Darling what do you think this is.....a fairy tale? They don't make men like that anymore. After all this is the middle ages. We've come a long way from the dark ages when men just looted and pillaged to take a wife."
"Yeah Ma. But with the right man maybe I wouldn't mind being pillaged! I just have to find the man that's right for me. I don't care whether he's a nobleman or not," Fran said with a sigh.
"Ahhh.....my heart. What are you sitting there for, you ignorant minstrel?" the Queen yells at Nigel. "Quick call the cook and have her bring me a healing tonic. I'm gonna die from my ungrateful daughter's blow to my heart," Queen Sylvia sobs.
Nigel leaves running for the kitchen with the cat hot on his heels. He calls out to the cook and then heads out the back door of the castle toward the fields where the knights are practicing.
"Where's that stupid hag with my medicine?" Sylvia shouts loudly.
Fran puts her hands over her ears. "She could be in Camelot, Ma and hear you yelling."
"Darling, I never yell. I just command....with emphasis!"
Just then Yetta the cook appears with a steaming cup resting on a wooden platter.
"What's this?" Queen Sylvia asks suspiciously.
"What?" Yetta replies.
"This?" Sylvia says gesturing to the mug.
"It's an old family recipe guaranteed to make you feel better. I mixed it up special after hearing Princess Fran declined another suitor."
Sylvia takes the mug and downs it in one gulp choking and spluttering. It tastes like sour milk flavored with vanilla and sugar," she gasps.
"Drat! I must have forgotten to put in the cocoa beans," Yetta said shaking her head. "I'll go get them."
"Never mind," Sylvia said shaking her head. "Just go get started on the rest of the meal."
"Rest?! This isn't enough?"
"How can you quarrel with me like this when I'm going through such troubles. I need to eat more to keep up my strength," Sylvia whines.
"Huh. If you keep up your strength to much more we'll have to reinforce those benches again," Yetta grumbles as she exits the room.
"Fran darling, where are you going. Aren't you hungry?"
"Not really Ma. I think I'll just take a walk," Fran says as she leaves the room. Leaving the main dining hall she slowly makes her way up the stone circular staircase to a room at the top tower. Her maid is waiting within to help her undo the laces of her bodice concealed beneath her elaborate gown. She seats herself on the goose feather mattress and stares off into the distance.
Maria, the maid picks up her gown and starts to put it away when Fran jumps to her feet.
"Maria. How would you like to do me a favor?" Fran asks.
"Of course my lady? What do you wish?" Maria answered at once. Truly Princess Fran was an easy lady to serve and she would be glad to grant her almost any request.
"I'd like you to have my gown in exchange for the one you are wearing," Fran says with a smile on her face.
"Oh but my lady, I couldn't accept a gown so rich as this," Maria stammered in surprise.
"Of course you could. Besides I order you to do it. That way you can't possibly get into any trouble."
"But my lady what are you planning?" Maria has now divested herself of her gown and begins to put on Fran's purple one.
"Planning?" Fran said smiling mischievously. "Now why would I be planning anything. I'm just going to sneak out for a walk."
"Without Queen Sylvia's permission? Forsooth you might be kidnapped or even defiled, my lady. It is not seemly."
Fran is by this time clothed in a plain green woolen gown with long flowing bell-like sleeves. Wrapping a dark woolen cloak with a hood around her she is covered from head to foot with only the tips of her leather slippers showing beneath the long garment. She whirls around the room for a moment before remembering Maria's presence.
"Maria, I believe I left my embroidery work down in the main hall. Would you be a dear and go down and work on it for a while. I'll return shortly after I visit my father in the far pasture and relieve you," she said with a wink.
"Yes my lady," Maria answered giving her a deep curtsy. "I hope you enjoy your walk."
"Umm. So do I, Maria. So do I," Fran says skipping lightly down the steps and finally slipping out into the kitchen door quietly. Yetta is working on dinner peeling apples and never catches a glimpse of her as she slowly sneaks out the back door and into the afternoon sunlight.
Go on to Part Two
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