This is me wasting time at work again. I thought I'd write a Nanny soap opera spoof, maybe try a little comedy for a change (I read the message boards...). Whether it actually is a comedy or not remains to be seen. . .

The story is a little accelerated to salvage space and sanity, however the time indicated is how the viewer sees it.



Another World of All My Young and Restless Days of Our One Life to Live

by

Caroline
(CarolSW128@aol.com)




FADE IN Living Room

"I knew it!!" Niles shout could be heard throughout the house. Maxwell sat there, stunned.

Fran grabbed his hand. "I can't believe it. You two are...brothers?"

"How can that be?" Max's question was barely audible.

The old woman nodded. "Niles was the Sheffield's first son. But since he was born before James and Elizabeth got married, they had to conceal his identity to maintain the family's reputation. So Elizabeth gave birth in secret and gave him to the servants to raise. I was a very close friend of your mother's. It was very difficult for me when she passed away. I always felt that I was able to look past her cold exterior and find a woman with a genuine heart in there. . . sometimes."

"My God. What does this mean?" Maxwell asked to nobody in particular.

"It means I'm rich, that's what it means!" Niles turned to the woman. "How can I get my portion of the estate?"

"Actually, that's the reason I'm here. When you were born, your parents established a trust fund for you that they would give to you when they died. Elizabeth put it in my name and it has been tangled in my many accounts. I was going through some of my assets when I came across the fund. I had almost forgotten what it was for, and considering neither James nor Elizabeth made no mention of it in their will, I assume that they forgot about it as well."

"So how can I get the cash?" Niles was bouncing around like a five-year-old on a sugar-high.

"Actually it's not cash. It's real estate scattered across Britain."

Niles' eyes widened. "Even better!"

"Mommy?" A child's voice trailed in from upstairs. "Mommy!!"

"I'm coming, Shane!" Fran stood up from the couch. "If you'll excuse me. . ."

"Well, I must go now." The old woman stood up. "You can reach me at this number anytime."

"Thank you." They exchanged pleasantries as Max showed her out. Moments later Maggie came bursting through the door, enraged.

"Maggie, what's the matter?" Fran asked as she came down the stairs.

"I caught Rick in bed with another woman! That bastard!! I knew he was bad news. But I kept telling myself that he would change, that it was just a phase. And there's no WAY I'm ever letting him see my baby!"

"What? Margaret . . .you're pregnant?"

"Oops. Did I forget to mention that to you?"

Fran and Max nodded in unison.

"Sorry. I've only know for a few weeks myself. Oh, but don't worry. Rick might not even be the father."

FADE OUT



FADE IN, Dining Room.

"Happy birthday dear Sha-ane, happy birthday to you!!!" The bright eyed little boy cumbersomely blew out the two lone candles. Fran and Max marveled at their little miracle. After the surrogate mother took off with the baby, it seemed as if Fran and Max would never have kids. But then she was blessed with Shane and the past two years with him had been like a dream come true. She kissed him on the forehead.

"Happy birthday, Sweetie."

Maggie entered the room. "Sorry I'm late. I just got back from the doctor's. And guess what! Rick's not the father!"

Fran hugged her. "That's wonderful, sweetie. Then who is?"

"Dallas is. And I knew it all the time, but I had to be sure."

"Well, good for you. We were just celebrating Shane's birthday. Would you like a piece of cake?"

Maggie sat down and began eating. I feel awful, but I hate Rick. There is no way that I want him fathering this child. Dallas is warm and funny and loving, the perfect father for my baby. And now I can get him to be with me instead of that witch Mary. And even though we've never slept together, he was so drunk the night he kissed me there's no way he remembers anything. She smiled and bit into the cake, which was surprisingly moist.

FADE OUT



Two months later. Maggie is in her third trimester, Shane is now in the third grade, and Niles has gone to England to work out family affairs.

FADE IN -- Maxwell's Office

"Maxwell, stop . . . I have to go." Fran struggled with him halfheartedly.

"Okay."

But he didn't.

The mahogany was hard against her back and her head was resting on the adding machine as Maxwell kissed her neck and tickled her ear. She stretched her arms up and knocked the plant off the desk and it shattered on the floor with a crash.

"Oops."

"Shh, don't worry about it." He pushed a stack of folders to the floor and pulled himself closer to her.

There was a knock at the door as it flew open.

"Excuse me, Sir, but you're nine o'clock meeting is here."

Max peeled himself off Fran. "Yes, thank you, Franklin."

Fran stood up and adjusted her suit. "Don't worry sweetie, I'll see you tonight. But I have to go now. I have a meeting with the board of directors about our new line for spring. "Fine Cosmetics" can't run itself!"

She picked up her briefcase which she had tossed haphazardly on the floor earlier and slipped out of the room. As she crossed the living room the doorbell rang.

"I'll get it!" she called, but Franklin beat her to it.

C.C. walked and handed Franklin her coat.

"Morning, C.C" Fran called out as she breezed out the front door.

Franklin closed the door behind her and hung up her coat. "How are you doing today, C.C.?"

"Wonderful, now." She kissed him sweetly on the lips and tousled his hair.

"Darling, don't be such a tease. Mr. Sheffield is already in the office with the choreographer, so you might want to get in there." He winked at her.

"Yes, of course." She patted him playfully on the behind and went into Maxwell's office.

FADE OUT



FADE IN - Upstate New York

"Brighton, what are we going to do?"

He adjusted his eye patch. "I don't know, Jessica. The phone lines are down and if it weren't for this abandoned cabin we'd freeze to death. I just hope we can get back to the city before the trial. We're the only ones who can prove that Nigel is innocent."

"Yes, but what are we going to do about Carlo?"

"Carlo DeNeira has made too many people suffer! I won't let him hurt you. You have to trust me. We'll get back to New York, we'll prove that Nigel didn't kill Val, and Carlo will get what he deserves!"

"Oh Brighton!"

FADE OUT as they are being tossed into the throws of passion.



Two weeks later. Niles has disappeared and foul play is suspected. Maggie gave birth to a boy named Bill and is engaged to Dallas. Franklin and C.C. ran off to the Caribbean together. Shane is starting high school.

FADE IN -- Courtroom

"If the defense has no more witness, we can begin closing arguments."

"Wait, your honor!" The courtroom door burst open and Brighton and his female companion enter, caked in dirt. Brighton approaches the bench. "Your honor, I can prove that Nigel Sheffield did not kill Valerie Toriello!

"Order! Order in the court!" She slammed her gavel loudly. "Mr. . . ?"

"Sheffield, your honor."

She rolled her eyes. "Mr. . . Sheffield. You have disrupted my courtroom with allegations that the defendant did not commit this murder. However, in the great state of New York, we like to practice a little Constitutional Amendment called DUE PROCESS. Now, sit down and allow this process to run its course or I will hold you in contempt. Now, if the defense would like to call a continuance to investigate this further, I might be inclined to consider.

Brighton went back to sit down and Nigel's attorney stood up to begin his plea for the defense.

"Your honor, due to new evidence that has surfaced, I would like to ask for a continuance to investigate the circumstances surrounding Miss Toriello's death a little further."

"But she's not dead!" Jessica stood up, shocked at her own outburst.

A collective gasp filled the room. The judge motioned to her. "Excuse me, but who, may I ask, are you?"

"My name is Jessica Stevens. There is no way that Nigel, er, the defendant, could have committed this murder, because there was no murder! Val is alive and well and we can prove it!"

"Well, Miss Stevens, it seems you have placed an interesting turn on this case. Now we obviously cannot try a man for a crime that didn't occur, so I'm going to ask you what proof you have that the victim is not dead."

At that moment the doors to the courtroom opened in a sprightly blond walked in, looking rather confused. Another gasp was heard throughout the courtroom.

"Oh my God, Val!!" Fran jumped up and hugged her friend. Everyone began talking and looking and crying at once as the judge tried to regain order in the courtroom.

Things began to settle down and Val was led to the witness stand.

"Miss Toriello? Could you please tell the court why you were thought to be dead?"

Whispers continued to circulate as Val answered the judge's question.

"I. . . I'm not sure. The last thing I remember is getting on the wrong train after coming home from Fran's. I fell asleep and when I woke up I had missed my stop. It was the last train of the night so I was stuck. Luckily I was close to Nigel's place so I went there. He made me something to eat and I went for a walk afterward. I don't remember much after that. I just remember waking up in an old cabin and not knowing where I was."

"Do you know how you got to this cabin."

"Well, after I walked into the tree--"

"You walked into a tree?"

"Yeah, I think I got a concussion. When I came to, I didn't know who I was or where I was going. I had a Buffalo Bills sweatshirt on, I figured I was from Buffalo. So I caught a train there."

Fran rolled her eyes and Nigel cursed himself for lending her that sweatshirt.

"When I got off there was a very nice man who offered to help me find my way back home. He had a funny accent. He drove me to this abandoned cabin and told me to tell him what I knew. But I didn't know anything. I didn't know what he was talking about. Then I guess he gave up. I do remember him saying, 'Carlo will not like this'."

She continued. "I didn't know where I was or who I was or why I was where I was, but somehow the guy with an eye patch found me and brought me here." She looked for him in the crowd, spotting him instantly and pointing him out. Suddenly he looked familiar, sitting there with Fran and her family. "Brighton? Is that you? What are ya doing wearing that stupid eye patch?"

Brighton turned beet red and slunk down in his seat.

The judge stared at her, appalled. "Well, I guess that's it. But how did traces of your blood get all over the defendant's house?"

"Um, that's probably from when I was slicing onions and I cut my finger with the knife. I was bleeding everywhere!"

The judge picked up her gavel. "Due to the new evidence that has been brought before the court, I hereby dismiss the defendant from all charges."

Everyone jumped and cheered as Nigel was released from custody.

"I knew you were innocent," Fran hugged her brother-in-law and Max shook his hand.

Nigel turned to Brighton. "Thanks, you saved my life."

"No problem. Jessica's the one you should really thank. She's the one who traced Val up to that cabin. She knows Carlo DeNeiro's moves too well." He kissed her on the cheek as they were mobbed by the press on their way out.

Nigel was practically knocked to the ground by the rush of microphones in his face.

"How does it feel to be a free man?"

"Did you know that she was alive?"

"Are you single?"

FADE OUT



FADE IN Somewhere in Austria.

"Blast!" Carlo slammed his fist on the table. I was sure Valerie would know where to find to statue."

"I'm sorry, sir. She was worthless."

"I know that, Numbskull. And Jessica! How could my own daughter betray me like that?"

"I don't know, sir."

"How is the butler doing?"

"Fine, last time I checked."

The both glanced over to the large cage that had been set up in a corner of the lair.

"LET ME OUTA HERE!!" Niles shook the bars. "Oh, when I get out of here, boy will you pay for this. I don't know where your damn eagle statue is and I don't know who has it. Now LET ME OUT!!"

Carlo approached the cage slowly. "Listen, Mr. Sheffield, the last place anyone has seen that statue is in you castle. It is in there somewhere, and until it is found, you are going NOWHERE!"

FADE OUT



Several weeks later . . .

FADE IN to a small eagle statue sitting among several artifacts in the Sheffield mansion. Geeves, the new butler, runs his feather duster softly over it.

Fran and Maxwell enter the front door with huge smiles on their faces.

Max takes her coat. "It's always a pleasure when your parents come to visit. And it's even better when they go back to Boca! Let's hope this time your mother left the fridge here."

Maxwell checked the messages on the answering machine. "Fran, come listen to this!" Maxwell fiddled with the buttons. "They're letting Grace out of Bellevue next week. Let's just hope she's past that horrible multiple personalities episode."

"I wonder if Shane is home." Fran thought aloud. "Shane? Shane are ya here?" No answer. "Shane Donovan Sheffield you answer your mother when she calls you!"

Silence.

"Well I guess he's not home."

"Oh, but he is home." A slimy voice came from behind.

Fran gasped. "Carlo!" Carlo stood there with Shane in a headlock, a gun pointed at them.

"Yes it's me, back from the dead . . .again." He cocked the pistol. "And you have three seconds to tell me where the eagle statue is before the boy gets it."

"What eagle stature?" Fran and Max asked in unison.

"One."

"What are you talking about?" Fran began to cry hysterically.

"Two."

"You mean this eagle statue?" Geeves came in carrying the small artifact.

Carlo's eye widened with excitement and Max took that opportunity to try to get the gun away from him. There was a shot and then silence. Another shot followed and the two men lay still on the floor.

"Maxwell!"

"Dad!"

Fran rushed over to her husband. Carlo lay there, obviously dead, his eyes still open. Max opened his eyes and looked at her.

"You're alive!" She hugged him, but felt something warm and wet. He was bleeding. "Oh my God, quick, call an ambulance!" He had been shot and was barely hanging on.

"Just hold on, sweetie, you're going to make it." Fran cooed as she held him there on the floor, both of them covered in blood.

She glanced over and picked up the broken statue. Inside was a diamond the size of a baseball. It shimmered in the light. She returned her attention to Max, who was slipping quickly. He wasn't going to make it.

FADE OUT



Six years later. . .

FADE IN Hospital

Max lies still on a hospital bed as Fran leans over him, holding his hand. He has been in a coma and there is no sign that he'll ever regain consciousness.

Suddenly she feels a squeeze and looks up to see him opening his eyes.

"Maxwell!" She cried.

He looked at her. "Who are you?"





The End




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