With many, many thanks to Elizabeth and Frank for their advice, encouragement and editing. I couldn't have done it without you, guys!!!

"Starstruck"
or
"The Things We Do for Love"

by

Debbie
(nute@scoastnet.com.au)

Scene 1
The Sheffield Dining Room
Fran, Max, Brighton and Grace are all having dinner when Maggie comes in from a late class.

Maggie
"Fran, Dad, guess what?" (She is very hyped up.)

Max
"What is it, Margaret? You seem to be excited about something."

Maggie
"Oh, I am excited! I've just decided to change my major. I've finally decided what I want to do for the rest of my life!"

Fran
"What's that, sweetie?" (She gets up and goes to her.)

Maggie
(A big breath!) "I'm going to major in drama. I'm going to be an actress on Broadway!"

Max
(Going off) "Good God, you're what!!! Over my dead body!!!"

Brighton
"Yeah, just what we need in this family - another theatrical disaster!"

Fran
(slaps Brighton's arm) "B – that's not nice. Your father can't help it that all his plays…ah…oops! Well, remember, he did win a Tony!"

Max
(to Maggie) "You're not going to be an actress on Broadway or anywhere, young lady, and that's final. It's a bloody ridiculous idea and I forbid you to…"

Maggie
"Well, I'm over 18 now and you…"

Fran
"Genuk already, you two. This isn't the time or place. Let's just finish our dinner in peace." (To Max) "Don't worry, I'll handle this." (To Maggie) "We'll talk later, missy."

Scene 2
Maggie's bedroom, later that night.
Fran and Maggie are sitting on the bed talking.

Maggie
"Fran, you can't change my mind. I know this is what I want to do!"

Fran
"Who says I want to change your mind? Am I a meddler?"

Maggie
"Well-l-l-l…! Oh, Fran, the drama course at Columbia is just so excellent. And if I graduate I…"

Fran
"Whoa-a-a-a there, now, back up a step. What's this 'if I graduate'? No way, honey. If you change your major – and notice I said 'if' – you'll still finish college. I'll be totally with your father on that!"

Maggie
"Okay, okay, 'when' I finish. But just think, even when I finish I'll have all the right connections. Daddy will…"

Fran
"Back up again. 'Daddy will?' Daddy will what? If you do this, Mags, you'll be doing it because you're good at it, not because you're 'Maxwell Sheffield's daughter'." (aside) "Although, that could work!" (Hugging Maggie) "Oh, sweetie, are you sure this is what you want?" (Maggie nods) "Okay, just don't go making any changes yet…and leave your father to me." (She pushes up her breasts) "I have my ways to handle him!"

Maggie
"Thanks, Fran. I love you."

Fran
"Love ya, too, sweetie. Now get some sleep." (Fran turns off the light as she exits)

Scene 3
Fran and Max's bedroom.
They are sitting on the bed. Max is brushing Fran's hair.

Max
(Trying to remain rational.) "No daughter of mine is going into the theater, Fran. It's a cut throat world full of petty jealousies, back stabbing, unscrupulous directors and…" (Fran winces from the rougher brushings.)

Fran
"And yet it's your life's work!" (pause) "Relax, honey, I'm on your side here. Maggie on stage is just something even I can't picture! Anyway, leave her to me. Ya know, she's at a very vulnerable and impressionable stage right now and if you forbid her to do this you'll lose her, maybe for ever. And, ya gotta admit she's right about one thing, she is over 18!"

Max
(Putting the brush down and getting into bed next to Fran) "All right, darling. I'll let you handle this one. You've always been better with Margaret than me, anyway. I can still remember how, from the very beginning, you took Margaret under your wing and turned her into the self-assured young lady she is today. (Readers must imagine a flashback to scenes from 'The Pilot', 'My Fair Nanny', 'The Nuschlep', 'The Gym Teacher', 'A Kiss is Just a Kiss', 'The Kibbutz', 'That's Midlife' and 'Educating Fran'.) "You and Niles!" (He turns off the light.) "Did I ever tell you about how on the day of our wedding she dyed her hair red and Niles told…" (he snuggles closer and closer).

Fran
"Umm…yes…oh, enough of Maggie. Just be quiet and kiss me!"

Scene 4
Backstage at the theater of Max's latest production – early afternoon.
Fran and Maggie are talking to one of the younger members of the cast, Mikey. He's young, good looking and personable.

Maggie
"You're kidding! You only have three lines in the whole play and yet you have to be here from 1 o'clock every afternoon and you don't finish most nights until almost midnight?"

Mikey
"Yeah, that's right. And it's even earlier on Wednesdays and Saturdays for the matinees. Us 'small fry' usually don't get much vacation time. Fact of theater life – unless you're one of the big names, you take a day off, you lose your part. We do get Sundays off, though!"

Maggie
"But…when do you get to have any fun?"

Mikey
"Oh, theater is fun!" (He catches Fran's look – she is making a face and shaking her head.) "but…not…as much fun as I thought it would be. It's a lot of work for little recognition and… and the pay's pretty lousy, too. A few of us had to pool our resources just to rent a small, 2 bedroom place down in the Village. It's crowded and there's not much privacy! Have you ever shared one small bathroom with four other future Lord Oliviers?"

Maggie
"I've never shared a bathroom with anyone… well, except that time Aunt Frieda came to stay…but what about all the glamour, the excitement, the applause? Isn't being on stage just the most wonderful thing?" (dreamily)

Mikey
"Sure!" (He catches Fran's eye again.) "but…I…sometimes wish I'd never given up my first major – uh…b…b…business administration. Then I'd have the skills to one day be someone who might…uh… produce these shows…or something like that. I'd still be in the theater but making money! Anyway, as it is, it'll be a long time before I get my 'big break'! Waiting…that's the way it often is in theater these days!"

Maggie
(Smiling a bit) "My dad's a… " (catches Fran giving her a big 'no' look) "…against me doing this." (Her mood changes to one of dejection.) "I guess I'll have to think about it some more. Thanks for talking to me, Mikey. C'mon, Fran, let's go." (She walks away.)

Fran
"Be with you in a minute, Mags." (She opens her purse and hands Mikey some money.) "Thanks, Mikey, this is for you. You did great! I'll be sure to put in a good word with Mr. Sheffield for you."

Mikey
"No worries, Mrs. Sheffield. Anytime. But I don't want…" (Fran leaves) "…your money."

Fran walks over to join Maggie. Just as they are about to leave, Sean Connery walks in. He is the lead in the play and Fran is, as usual, star struck.

Fran
"Oh, Mr. Connery, Mr. Connery." (She grabs his hand) "Oh, I am your biggest fan. I've seen all your movies and…" (she sees Max walk in)"…and…see ya!" (She tries to slink away but Max has spotted her.)

Max
"MISS FINE! Fran… What are you doing here? I thought you were dealing with this bloody Margaret situation and…" (sees Maggie) "…she's here, too!" (Misreading the whole thing, as usual.) "Are you out of your bloody mind?"

Fran
(Putting her hand on his arm.) "Now, sweetie, what do you mean. I am taking…"

Max
(Rubbing his temple) "Fran, I can see what's happening and…"

Fran
"And…? And what do you think you see?"

Max
"You told me you'd deal with the Margaret 'situation' and it's perfectly obvious to me that…Oh, I'd prefer not to talk about it now."

Fran
"Will you listen to me?"

Max
"Not now, Fran. I really don't think…"

Fran
"That's just your problem, Maxwell Sheffield, you DON'T THINK! You just always assume the worst and jump to totally ridiculous conclusions."

Max
"Later, Fran. Please, just take Margaret and go home. The limo is still outside. I'll be home in a couple of hours and I'll speak to you both then."

He walks off. Fran is stunned. She can't work out what brought on that outburst.

Maggie
(Coming up to Fran.) "What was that all that about?"

Fran
(A bit unsure) "I don't know, Mags, but I guess we'd better listen and go home. We'll find out soon enough!"

Maggie
"I can't, Fran. I have a class at 2. Can I just get the limo to drop me off at the college?"

Fran
"Okay, sweetie. Let's go." (They exit.)

Scene 5
Sheffield Living Room.
Fran is watching television and noshing with Grace. 'Days of Our Lives' is just ending.

Fran
"I can't believe that 'Days of Our Lives' never brought back that Shane Donovan character. He was one good-looking young man! Val and I used to have such a crush on him. Ya know, thinking back, he looked a bit like your father would've at the same age!"

Grace
"Fran, I don't see how you can watch these things every day. They paint such an unrealistic and unnatural outlook on life. Can you imagine, in real life, why anyone would want to live in a town like Salem? I mean, if you're a woman in Salem, you're almost guaranteed to have 4 husbands, one of them twice, 2.4 illegitimate children, a major accident and 5 weeks of being unconscious, not to mention a jail term for attempted or completed murder, amnesia and 3 different…"

Fran
"All right, sweetie, I get your drift. I still think that Shane Donovan was cute, though!"

Maggie suddenly rushes in. She is in tears!

Maggie
"Oh, Fran. (She runs to her, crying.) "I…I.."

Fran
"What is it, sweetie. What's the problem?" (To Grace) "Would you excuse us please, Gracie honey? I think we might be having our own little 'Days of Our Lives' happening here!"

Grace
"Sure, Fran." (She exits.)

Maggie
(Still sobbing in Fran's arms.) "Oh, Fran, he didn't really like me at all. It was always Daddy. He told me I could be great and it was only because he wanted to meet Daddy all along."

Fran
"Sorry, sweetie, start again. Who's 'he'? And what about your father?"

Maggie
"Phil…a drama student…" (She's still very upset. Understanding about what has happened suddenly hits Fran.)

Fran
"A few deep breaths, honey. Calm down. Take it slowly. Here, have a drink."

She pours her a glass of lemonade from the tray she and Grace had been sharing. Maggie takes a few sips and works on settling herself.

Maggie
"I'm okay, now." (Fran gives her an 'are you sure?' look.) "No, really, Fran. I'm fine." (She starts her story.) "You see, there's this guy, Phil, at college. Oh Fran, he is a senior and is so-o-o hot! And then, about 3 weeks ago he noticed me. ME! Just a lowly sophomore! Well, we went for coffee a few times and he started telling me things."

Fran
(Suspicious now.) "Telling you things like what?"

Maggie
"Like how beautiful I was and how well I move…ya know, things like that. Then he asked me if I had ever thought about being on the stage. Ya know, majoring in drama. He even suggested I might like to change my major…and…and I believed him. Then today …after we left the theater and you dropped me off…I saw him with another girl. They were, like, kissing and not just friendly kissing but 'real' kissing – sort of like that real passionate stuff you and Dad do when you think no one's watching! Then he saw me and came over. When I asked him 'Why?', he told me it was because of Daddy all along. He thought he could use me to get to know Daddy! Oh, Fran, I was so humiliated. I thought he really loved me for, ya know, for me."

Fran
"Oh-h-h. Maggie, honey, listen to me. You are a beautiful person and a caring one as well." (aside) "As well as being a blonde, shikse goddess with a trust fund." (to Maggie) "You're also young – with your whole life in front of you. This Phil sounds like a real schmendrek."

Maggie
(Thinking about Fran's words.) "You know, now that I think about it, you're right, Fran. He is a jerk! How could I doubt you, anyway? After all these years watching you and Daddy you'd think I'd know about not trusting men straight off. Ya know, how they say things and take them back and…"

Fran
"Yeah, well no need to bring up ancient history!"

Maggie
"Sorry, Fran. Anyway, you're right almost all the time. Ya know, I guess I was just in love with the idea of being 'in love'. And I never really felt like I wanted to be an actress. I just thought it would make Phil like me more!"

Fran
"It happens! All of us go through it at least once in our lives. Just remember, sweetie, one day you'll meet the man of your dreams and you'll know he's the right one for you and you'll live happily ever after." (aside) "I just hope you don't have to wait as long as I did for your father!"

Maggie
"Oh, Fran, you are my best friend." (She gives her a hug.) "You are so cool and smart. I feel better already. In fact, I think I'll go get something to eat." (She exits.)

Fran
"Jeese, where did I go wrong with her. Doesn't she know you DON'T have to eat when you're happy!"

Fran picks up a piece of cake and sits back down just as Max comes home. She jumps up, nervous, wondering about his mood earlier. He still seems pretty upset with her.

Fran
"Hi, sweetie. How was your day?"

She goes up to him but he moves away from her.

Max
"My day could have been better, Fran." (He is very cool.)

Fran
"Why? What's wrong, honey?"

Max
"What's wrong? Why am I upset? Well, Fran, you should know. What do you have to say for yourself – this time? What excuse are you going to come up with? Do you plan to alienate all my children from me or will just Margaret be enough?"

Fran
"Wha-a-at? What are you talking about? What alien ate what children? Are we talking ET or ALF or what? How do I know what an alien ate?" (She isn't sure what's happening.)

Max
"You know, I really don't think I can discuss this with you right now. All I will say is that I'm not very pleased with you at the moment. You told me that you were on my side with this issue with Margaret and then I find you doing things to effect the opposite. I just really need some time to think this one out!" (He exits.)

Fran
(She takes a bite of the cake.) "Well, I'm totally confused here!"

Scene 6
Max's Office, simultaneously.
Niles and CC are listening at the door to Max and Fran arguing.

CC
"So, there's a bit of trouble in paradise, huh? I wondered how long it would take for that bubble to burst! Nanny Fine had better watch her step. You know, Niles, Maxwell will only put up with so much from her."

Niles
"Oh, be quiet wench. What do you know anyway?

CC
"Obviously more than you, Mr. Clean. Out of the loop again?" (Niles sticks his tongue out at CC.) "Well, I do know that he was pretty angry with her this afternoon at the theater. If he hadn't been so tied up with negotiations with Sean Connery he probably would have come home and had it out with her earlier!"

Niles
"You know, Miss Babcock, it's about time you realize that nothing you say or do will break these two apart. They may fight from time to time but Maxwell loves Fran. She is now Mrs. Sheffield so you might as well give up on the idea that you should have that role. Besides, I worked five years on getting them married and I'm not having you make any mischief!"

CC
(Serious all of a sudden.) "I know, I know, Niles, but…oh it's just all so hard for me. I wanted Maxwell for a long time. You know, after 'The Place', I felt like I was getting back on track but, these days, whenever there's even a hint of trouble with the two of them I start dreaming all over again."

Niles
"Well, maybe you'd better change your dream. You do realize that Maxwell Sheffield is not the only man in the world? There are others, granted maybe not as rich or successful, who are perfectly capable of accepting you and loving you for who you are. You are a beautiful woman with a lot to offer the right man. Why, I know of at least two men who think you are …"

CC
(She's intrigued now. Niles hasn't been this nice to her since the wedding, but he was a bit 'under the influence' then.) "Yeah, right. Two men. Who would they be?"

Niles
"Well, there's the man who sweeps the streets for one!" (She smacks his arm.) "…and there's…there's…" (He's hedging but is saved as Max suddenly enters.)

Max
"What the bloody hell's going on in here? Niles, shouldn't you be cleaning a toilet or something?"

Niles
(With a sigh of relief. What was he going to say?) "Sorry, sir. I'm on my way." (He goes to exit.)

CC
(She tries to grab him but is too late.) "Niles, no, you can't go yet. And who else? Tell me."

Niles
"Sorry, Miss Babcock, the boss has spoken." (He salutes Max as he leaves.)

CC
(Turning to Max.) "Maxwell, did anyone ever tell you your timing stinks!"

Scene 7
The dining room.
It's dinner time and Niles is serving the evening meal to Maggie, Grace, Brighton and Max. Max is scowling and Fran's absence is noticeable.

Niles
"Excuse me, sir, but will Mrs. Sheffield be joining us tonight?"

Max
"How the bloody hell would I know, Niles! You probably understand that woman better than I do."

Grace
"But why isn't Fran here, Daddy? Did you do something to upset her again?"

Max
"No, Grace, I did not! It's more that Fran did something to upset me AGAIN!"

Brighton
"Fran? Upset you? I can't believe that! She loves you and wouldn't …"

Maggie
"You just be quiet, squirt, and eat your dinner. It's none of your business."

Max
"She's right, Brighton. It's between Fran and me and I won't have you interfering or making any other silly, immature comments."

Niles
(to himself) "And like your behavior isn't immature at the moment."

Max
"Sorry, old man. Did you say something?"

Niles
"Oh, just that it looks like it's going to pour in a moment! If you'll excuse me, sir, I do know Mrs. Sheffield is upstairs in her room. I'll be back shortly after I take her dinner to her." (he exits)

Max
(to Maggie) "And this is all your fault, young lady, if you hadn't come up with this kakameyme idea about majoring in drama then Fran wouldn't…"

Maggie
"Now, wait a minute, dad. Haven't you talked to Fran about this yet? Why, just this…"

Max
(Interrupting) "I don't want to discuss it now. Just eat your dinner. We'll talk later." (Turning to Brighton) "And not another word from you, either!"

Maggie
(Upset now, too.) "I don't think I can eat right now. Please, may I be excused?"

Max nods and Maggie leaves the table.

Grace
"Me, too, Daddy. I can't eat when Fran's not here. It's not the same without her. She makes meals so much fun!"

Max nods again and Grace leaves. Brighton continues eating.

Max
"Well, Brighton. Aren't you going to desert me as well?"

Brighton
"Na…I'm going to stay here and watch you while you choke on your food!"

Scene 8
Max and Fran's bedroom
Fran is half sitting, half lying on the bed. It's obvious she's pretty upset. She has been crying. There is a knock on the door.

Fran
"Yeah, who is it?"

Niles
"It's me…Niles." (enters the room) "Oh, Mrs. Sheffield, are you okay? When you didn't come down to dinner tonight I …I thought you'd want something to eat. Make that, I knew you'd want something to eat."

Fran
"Oh, thank you Niles, and no, I'm not okay. And I don't even know why! I knew Max was upset with me earlier but I thought it was because I grabbed a hold of Sean Connery at the theater today – but it's more than that. Anyway, now he's furious with me! But thank you for the tray. I really need something to eat just now." (She takes the tray from him.) "What! No chocolate cake? Is there any left?" (Niles nods his head.) "Okay, maybe I'll be down later."

Niles
"Are you sure? You do realize that I haven't seen you get Mr. Sheffield this upset in… oh, at least the last 24 hours! Is there anything I can do?"

Fran
"Oh, Niles, you are my greatest friend. But how can I get you to help me – unless you know what I've done wrong this time – have you heard anything?" (He shakes his head.) "I mean, in the past, I've always known the things that I did that were stupid. I mean, there was Cher and Lamb Chop and Bette and the Shakespeare manuscript thing and Elton John and…(Readers must imagine a flashback to scenes from 'I've Got a Secret', 'Lamb Chop's on the Menu', 'Where's the Pearls?', 'You Bette Your Life', 'First Date' and 'One False Mole'.) "…and Margo and her mole and …" (aside) "although all of that wasn't my fault!"

Niles looks at her questioningly.

Fran
"Okay, most of it was…" (another 'look' from Niles.) "Okay, you win, the 'mole' was my fault, too! But, all those times Max at least listened to my side of the story. This time he won't even let me know 'what' I have to make up a story about!

Niles
"Well, Mrs. Sheffield, I guess this one will blow over. They usually do. After all, Mr. Sheffield loves you and, eventually he'll be able to look at things objectively." (aside) "Or, I'll very firmly point his mistakes out to him again!!!"

Fran
(still sniffling, but not as much now) "Thanks, Niles. I knew you'd be on my side – whatever side it is!" (She starts picking from the tray as Niles exits.)

Scene 9
The Living Room, later that evening, about 10:30 pm.
Max is sitting on the sofa, sullen and unhappy. Niles is watching him from over by the piano. Max is oblivious to Niles' presence. He keeps tossing a paperweight back and forth from one hand to the other. He's just starting to get up when the doorbell rings.

Niles
(Going to the door, muttering about the late hour.) "Yes, may I help you?"

Mikey
"I'm sorry about the late hour, sir, but it's quite important. I'd like to speak to Mr. or Mrs. Maxwell Sheffield, please."

Niles
"And whom shall I say is calling?"

Mikey
"My name is Mike Johnson. I'm in Mr. Sheffield's latest production."

Niles
"Wait here, please. I'll see if he's available."

He is at his pompous best as he exits. He finds Max just leaving the Living Room, heading toward the stairs.

Niles
"Excuse me, sir, but there is a young man here who says he is in your latest production. He would like to speak to either you or Mrs. Sheffield. Shall I send him away?"

Max
(Sighing. He would rather be upstairs with Fran but still can't work out how to solve this latest problem.) "It's all right, Niles. I'll go and see him." (Going to the door and recognizing the young man.) "Oh, hello, Michael. How can I help you?"

Mikey
"Excuse me, Mr. Sheffield, sir. I'm sorry about the late hour but…well…Mrs. Sheffield gave this to me this afternoon. I'd like to return it to her." (He hands him the money Fran gave him earlier in the day.)

Max
"Yes, well…what did she give you this for?"

Mikey
"Well, she saw me earlier in the morning. She asked me if I'd talk to this young lady she knew…"

Max
(Interested now.) "Yes, go on. What about?"

Mikey
"Well, you know how I'm just out of college?" (Max nods.) "Well, Mrs. Sheffield wanted me to tell the young lady about how difficult it was to make it as an actor in theater for new, young, drama graduates and about the hundreds who never get anywhere. Anyway, I must've done a good acting job because, before she left, I think the young lady believed me. She certainly wasn't as cheerful as when she arrived. Mrs. Sheffield didn't have to pay me, though. It's a pleasure doing things for her. Oh, and, by the way, do you know who the girl was? I was hoping maybe to ask her out."

Maxwell
(He says to himself, recognition dawning.) "So, that's what it was all about. I guess I was far off base this time – again!" (To Mikey, returning the money to him.) "No, no, Michael, keep the money. You earned it. And…the girl…well, she's my daughter."

Mikey
"Oh!" (Disappointed) "Well, she's one good looking young lady, sir."

Max
(Distracted now – desperate to see Fran.) "Yes…yes, she is. Well, if you'll excuse me."

He exits, heading straight upstairs. Niles, meanwhile, has been listening and has finally worked out what the problem is. He goes up to Mikey and escorts him to the door.

Mikey
"Hey, I hope I didn't do the wrong thing coming here?"

Niles
"No, young man. You did exactly the right thing! You've made us all very happy people. Now, if you'll excuse us, please. It is rather late."

Niles closes the door behind Mikey and rubs his hands together. Hopefully, now, the differences between his two favorite people would be sorted out.

Scene 10
Max and Fran's bedroom.
Fran is sitting up in bed, still upset, as Max enters. She looks at him warily. Once in the bedroom, though, without saying a word, Max sits down next to Fran, takes her in his arms and kisses her thoroughly.

Fran
"Well, I was confused before but now I'm totally fermished!"

Max
"Oh, Fran, darling, can you forgive me…again! I don't know how you do it and why I always expect the worst but once again you've come up with the right solution…"

Fran
"Wha-a-at? I don't follow."

Max
"You are quite the clever little minx, aren't you. Do you realize I had thought you were at the theater today to point out to Margaret all its glamour, all its excitement? That's why I was so upset."

Fran
"Yeah, I sorta worked out over the past few hours that me taking Maggie to the theater had something to do with it. But why wouldn't you let me explain my reasons? And why aren't ya mad anymore? Oh, Max, I just hate it when you're mad at me!"

Max
"Me, too, darling. It's just… well, honey, when I saw you at the theater with Margaret I just saw red. I have no excuse for not letting you explain things. Just call me a bloody, stupid, British moron. And none of the children are talking to me now, either! Anyway, I've also been thinking about things for the past few hours and I was just about on my way up to discuss this with you when Michael, Mikey as I believe he's known, showed up. He told me what you asked him to do. It was a bloody brilliant idea!" (He kisses her again.) "Oh…by the way, did it work?"

Fran
(Understanding the whole thing now.) "You mean you didn't ask Maggie earlier?" (He shakes his head and she gives him a gentle slap.) "You are impossible, Maxwell Sheffield! Ya know, if you wouldn't jump to conclusions so quickly you'd have a lot less gray in this beautiful head of hair." (She changes to her sexy voice and runs her hand through his hair.)

Max
"I doubt that, Frannie. I can't see you changing so much that I'll stop getting grayer. Actually, loving you like I do, I wouldn't want you to change anyway! Now, what about Margaret?"

Fran
"Well-l-l, Maggie's not changing her major anymore." (She didn't explain about Phil, that was Maggie's story to tell.)

Max
(With a sigh of relief) "Thank goodness. Oh, darling, you're a genius. And you have such a way with our children." (He starts giving her small kisses all over.) "Now…am I… forgiven…again… for…not trusting…your methods? One…would think…that after…six years…I would…know better!"

Fran
"Ooh…ah…ooh Max! Yes, of course I…forgive…Yes…!"

Scene fades

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