Summertime, Summertime
Sum-sum Summertime

by

IvanaBgood
(IvanaBgood@aol.com)

"Vacation: A semi-annual reminder
that doing nothing is hard work."

*Set in the 6^th season, right after ‘Making Whoopi’.

*Special thanks to Angela for sending me a great idea
that I toyed around with and here are the results.

"Fran, you need to take your mind off from getting pregnant," Dr. Reynolds reproached.

"That’s not all I’ve been doing with my time," Fran pouted.

"Oh no? Look at your poor husband. I’ve never had to fit someone for a sling for that, he may be the first."

Fran followed Dr. Reynolds’ eyes to her haggard husband, his listless body beneath the covers of their bed.

"As of now, no more special drinks, cookies or anything for you."

"But…" Fran’s voice broke off as she heard her husband mumble in his sleep.

"No…Niles, tell Fran I can’t come out to play right now. The theater is dark, the theater is dark," he muttered as he turned over. "No standing ovation for my little producer…"

"Aww, poor baby," Fran tucked the covers under his chin more and smoothed the sheets. "Okay. You’re right. You talked me into doing something else. But what?"

"That’s up to you, Fran," Dr. Reynolds smiled as she made her way out of the room and down the stairs. "I’ll be in Maui until you need me to make another house call."

"All right. Thank you Doctor," Fran walked her to the front door.

"No, thank you!" the M.D. enthused back as she pulled a lei out of her purse and wrapped it around her neck.

~~~~

"Are you ready to go shopping?" Val asked her best friend as Niles opened the back door to let her in.

Fran looked up despondently from a container of Chunky Monkey ice cream. "No, I’m not in the mood."

Val gasped in shock.

"I know! I can’t believe it myself," she exclaimed just before squeezing a whole bottle of chocolate syrup right into the container.

"Well, since we’re here anyway, ya mind if I watch the last few minutes of ‘The Young and the Restless?"

"Oh! I didn’t know it was still on," Fran reached over and turned on the small television set that rested on the breakfast table. "I haven’t seen this show in almost two months, it clashes with Gracie’s playdate."

"I thought you go to your manicurist when this soap is on?" Val asked.

"I do, but at the same time Gracie is learning to do facials. I’ll tell ya, that girl has magic fingers."

"Ooo, it’s on, it’s on!" Val squealed.

"Wow, that came out of left field," Val commented as she turned off the TV. "I didn’t see that one coming…Fran? Did you see what happened?"

Fran’s lips were moving as she read the side of her ice cream container. A slow smile filled her face as she looked up. "You know what this says?"

"Fat free?"

"I wish. No, look! There’s a contest here for making an ice cream dessert. You have to send in 30 labels and a recipe. The winner gets a free trip to California!" The brunette bounced excitedly in her chair.

"But Fran…Fran! It says here that today is the last day to send in your entry. There’s no time."

"Pfftt…are you kidding me?! I’ll run over to the store and buy 29 more Ben and Jerry’s, drop them off at Ma’s and pick them up a half-hour later." She snapped her fingers.

Val nodded and threw her hands up, "You’re right. I don’t know what I was thinking."

"Now all I have to do is send in a recipe…" Fran pulled out a step stool and rummaged through the cupboards. "Ah! Here’s one!"

~~~~

A couple weeks later, in the kitchen…

"EEEEEEEE! I won! I won!" Fran threw the letter up in the air and pulled her husband to her, giving him a long, deep kiss that would have loosened his Windsor knot had he been wearing a tie.

"What happened? What did you win?" The kids gathered around and Niles looked up with curiosity as he stirred his Béarnaise sauce.

"An all-expense paid trip for two to California!" Fran exclaimed.

"What? How?" Maxwell asked, still dazed from the after effects of the kiss.

"I sent in a dessert recipe for this contest. Dr. Reynolds said I should do something to take my mind away from…" she remembers that the kids are in the room, "…banjo lessons. Remember, how I kept making you play all night long?"

"Ah…yes," her husband replied uncomfortably. "Good thing too. I needed to help CC with our latest creation."

"Your what?! I knew it!" Fran blurted, her hands on her hips, her eyes flashed. "Oh, you mean the play. See what happens when you stop tuning your banjo, your wife starts jumping to conclusions."

"Maybe you should have concentrated on your strumming sir. Your play fell flat."

Maxwell turned towards his butler and scowled. "It wasn’t that bad. Donny was quite good in it."

"And it’s a good thing you hired him. If it wasn’t for all those Osmonds you wouldn’t have come out even," Niles replied. "Of course, who else would watch ‘A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Mormon’?"

"Meanwhile, the heroine of this story was talking about her trip to California…" Fran mumbled.

"I’m sorry sweetheart," Maxwell kissed his wife. "What recipe did you send?"

"Oh…um…Cherries Jubilee Jubilation I think it was called." Fran answered off-handedly as she picked up the letter to read over again.

Niles’ eyes widened with mortification. "Where did you find that recipe?"

"Around…" Fran gave her friend an innocent look.

"That recipe was in my locked recipe box, which is on the uppermost shelf, behind a heavy cast iron pot." Niles’ voice became deeper with accusation as each word shot out of his mouth.

"Yeah, like I said…" Fran scooted and hid behind her husband, "…around…here, you dropped this," She handed Niles a small key.

No one noticed as the Béarnaise sauce bubbled over.

"That recipe has been in my family for generations. Passed down from son to son and was even presented to King Edward VIII before he announced his abdication."

"Ooo! I picked a good one!"

"Miss Fine!"

"Hey, hey, hey! It’s Mrs. Sheffield now," Fran corrected Niles, as she stepped away from his furious expression.

"It won’t be for long. Not when I tell Mr. Sheffield about the day you….mmmphh."

Fran covered his mouth and turned to her husband. "You know, I think you’re over-working him. He needs a vacation."

Niles stopped struggling. "A vacation…a paid vacation?"

She rolled her eyes. "Yes."

"And a satellite dish?"

"Fine."

"And free pay-per-view?"

"Yeah, yeah. I’ll tell my dad to come over and splice into the French Embassy’s cable for you."

Niles grinned.

"Are you happy now?"

He nodded, smiling, his eyes all wide with cheer.

"Fran, did you read this letter all the way through?" Maggie asked.

"No…why?"

"It says here," Brighton filled in as he looked over his sister’s shoulder, "that you have to compete with two other contestants and the winner gets a $100,000."

"Wow! A $100,000!" Fran squealed as she jumped up and down.

Niles jumped up and down with her. "Yippee! I’m going to win $100,000!"

The brunette stopped her celebrating, "Heh?"

"Well, it is my family’s recipe and who’s going to make it for the contest…you?"

"I could!" Fran’s head bobbed up and down confidently until she saw everyone looking at her skeptically. "What?"

"Fran…sweetheart…darling…love of my life," Maxwell uttered as he looked deeply into her eyes.

"Much as I’m enjoying all this, get on with it."

"Dearest…you can’t cook."

"Oh yeah? What about breakfast yesterday, when Niles had the day off? Who did the cooking then?…Me!"

"Fran, that wasn’t whip cream that I was spraying into the toaster oven that morning. Didn’t you notice the smoke and the flames?" Maxwell pointed out.

"No wonder my Eggos tasted funny," Gracie made a face.

"Brighton, tell your father about the wonderful meal I made for you. I didn’t farkuckt that up."

"Actually Fran, you did. I asked for Fruity Pebbles, you gave me Cocoa Pebbles."

"Well, you know you’re spending entirely too much time in the boys shower room. The Cocoa one was a life choice decision."

Brighton’s face wrinkled in confusion.

"I’ve got it! Problem solved." Maxwell said, with a smile. "You won two tickets to California. You and Niles go together. It says here that the cook will need an assistant."

"But the whole idea of the vacation was for re-lax-a-tion." Fran looked at her husband, willing him to read between the lines.

Maxwell shrugged in bewilderment.

"She wants you two to start your own Country Jug Band, sir," Niles explained.

"Oh?….ohhh!"

Fran and Niles shared a look before they rolled their eyes.

"How about this? We all go together. I’m between projects right now and we all deserve a vacation to sunny California."

Everyone cheered.

"Maybe I’ll see Brad Pitt at a club!" Maggie enthused with a far away look in her eyes. "We’ll sit there…together…in a dark corner…holding hands and…"

"And I’ll be right there sitting next to you, making sure that’s all he holds," her dad added.

Maggie scowled.

"All right! California in the summer time!" Brighton whooped and began singing…. "Well, East Coast girls are hip I really dig those styles they wear…"

"And those Southern girls with the way they talk, they knock me out when I’m down there…" Niles joined in.

"The Mid-West farmer’s daughters really make you feel alright…" Maxwell crooned.

"And the Northern girls with the way they kiss, they keep their boyfriends warm at night…" Brighton sang.

All three, heads together…

Brighton, "I wish they all could be California…"

Niles, "I wish they all could be California…"

Maxwell, "I wish they all could be California…"

All together, "Girls…"

They high-fived one another. Maxwell turned around to get a backhanded high-five from Niles when he caught his wife’s glare.

"Just a song Fran. You know how much I enjoy singing acappella."

"I don’t care which Beach Boys song it is, mister. If you’re going to be staring at someone squeezed into something that looks like a handkerchief and a belt…it better be me!"

~~~~

Niles stepped out of the store, his purchases in hand, the song still in his head, "The West Coast has the sunshine and the girls all get so tanned…" He spotted CC a few yards ahead screaming into a cell phone. "Miss Babcock!" he warned as he saw her taking a step off of the curb against the light. "Babcock!"

His purchases forgotten, Niles ran hard towards the blond businesswoman and shoved her down on the sidewalk, just a hairsbreadth away from a silver Lexus speeding around the corner.

"Oooph!" the black cell phone clattered on the ground. CC shouldered the body away that lay on top of her. "What the hell…Niles! Are you trying to kill me?!"

"Damn! I pushed you in the wrong direction." He smirked as got up and held out his hand for hers.

Ignoring it, CC rose with as much dignity as she could muster and began to dust herself off. "I can’t turn my back on you for a second."

"Hey lady, this guy just saved your life," a teenager wearing a heavy metal concert shirt and torn jeans announced.

"Yeah. You were so busy threatening someone on your phone that you were about to step into the traffic," a gray-haired woman added.

"That phone could’ve been your head," the woman’s husband pointed out.

CC picked up her smashed phone from the curb and looked around at the nodding people that had crowded around her. She watched Niles walk back and pick up the bags he had dropped. When he had rejoined her she asked, "Is that true? You saved my life?"

"Shh…not so loud. I’ll get my Socialites Slayer membership card revoked."

Together they walked back to the mansion with Niles giving CC odd looks now and then at her quietness.

~~~~

Gracie peeked through the small round window as the plane finally took off and left the runway behind.

"Tell me again why CC is going on this trip with us?" Brighton wondered out loud as he felt the plane level off.

"I heard her tell Dad that she just had to come." His little sister turned away from the view.

"Maybe it’s another trick to get Dad to leave Fran," Maggie suggested.

"Then why is she willingly sitting next to Niles?" her brother questioned.

"Adults," Gracie shrugged, "they can be cute sometimes, but I’ll never understand them."

Sitting in front of the children, Niles easily overheard their conversation and pondered the same thing to himself as he watched CC say something to the flight attendant

"What are you up to Babcock?"

CC sat back and turned to him. "What do you mean?"

"I mean there is no way I’m letting you try to destroy the Sheffield’s marriage."

"Who said I wanted Maxwell back?"

"Back?! You never got his front."

"Oh, put a lid on it Niles. Can’t we just sit here and enjoy the trip?" CC tore open her bag of peanuts.

"Feeding time in the elephant pen?"

The blond scowled at him as she chewed.

"All right, that’s two you let me get away with. What is going on?" Niles asked worriedly.

"Nothing. I don’t know what you’re talking about." CC replied as she licked the salt from her fingers.

"Here you go sir," the flight attendant handed a newspaper to Niles. "Our co-pilot had a transcontinental flight yesterday and brought this with him. If your friend hadn’t asked so…uh, politely, I wouldn’t have found it."

Niles’ eyes blinked with surprise as he was handed The London Times.

"And our drinks?" CC inquired.

"They’re on their way ma’am."

CC nodded and opened their trays while the butler looked on, raising one eyebrow in a questioning slant.

He leaned over and poked Maxwell’s shoulder.

"Yes, what is it old man?"

"Did my Mum call about a sudden windfall?"

"No, why?"

"Well, then is Dr. Bort prescribing some new medication for Miss Babcock?"

"Not that I know of," Maxwell regarded him curiously.

"I know! You need me to sing in your next play."

"Niles, what are you going on about?" Fran turned in her seat and looked back at him. "Besides Max said that my Cousin Ira was going to be in it."

"When did I say that?" He stared at his wife.

"That day when my family was over driving you crazy."

"You’re going to have to be more specific than that, Fran. Your relatives are like a Coney Island bumper car ride, a meshugeneh at every turn."

"Hey!" She thought about it for a moment, "Okay, you’re right." She turned back to reading her Cosmo.

Niles rested his head on his seat and stared unseeingly at his paper, while the flight attendant placed his drink in front of him. He heard Miss Babcock growl at the children to keep quiet so he could read in peace. Quickly he picked up his glass and swallowed it in one gulp. Maybe I’ve got some incurable disease.

~~~~

"Brighton! Brighton, you’re in our way!" Fran elbowed her son.

But the tall teenager just stood there, jaw dropped in stupefaction at all the golden, practically naked women that bounced and jiggled on the sand.

"Oh-oh, I think he’s broke," Fran held his chin and looked into his eyes. "Brighton, are ya in there, honey? Niles, maybe you better hand me that big hero sandwich we bought on our way over here, it’ll work like a smellin’ salt…Niles?" Her hand reached out towards her friend. She turned to him when she got no reply.

Niles’ head was boomeranging back and forth on the sun-drenched beach, as if he was watching a heated tennis match.

Or overheated, Fran thought cheekily.

Fran then looked at her husband for help and heard him gulp audibly as a shapely redhead winked at him as she passed by. He turned towards his wife and cleared his throat.

"Yes, well, I was admiring her bathing suit. I think it would look much better on you, darling."

"Eh heh. What color was it?"

He struggled for an answer, "…tan?"

She rolled her eyes. "Maggie, would you nudge your brother along until we find a spot to put the blanket and beach chairs down? Maggie?"

"She’s over there, Fran," Grace pointed to the far left at the quickly disappearing blond that bobbed out of sight amongst a sea of bulging, glistening biceps.

"Oy! Okay, listen up. Brighton, stop drooling on the cooler and walk. Max, honey, don’t get any sand on that radio. I’m going to return it back to the store when we get home. And…oh, look! There’s a spot opening up near that tower with a really cute lifeguard sitting in it."

"Over my dead body," Maxwell grumped. "We’ll settle for this spot near the sand dune."

"Come on Babcock. I want to sit closer to the ocean," Niles directed over his shoulder.

CC grumbled to herself as she dragged a couple of beach chairs in one hand, a small cooler in the other, and a Frisbee in her mouth.

"Fran…did Niles try that hypnosis trick he found in the back of your Archie comic book again?" Grace watched as Niles waited for Miss Babcock to open a can of soda for him, all the while balancing everything she held.

"No. I overheard her tell Niles when we landed at LAX that she felt she owed him for saving her life."

"Owed him? So she’s going to cater to his every need and be his slave? For how long?"

Fran shrugged. "Probably until it kills her…or she kills him." She took the two ends of the blanket and helped her husband set it down.

~~~~

"I’d like to welcome our finalists to our Ice Cream Competition. Two of them hail from New York and the other from New Jersey. It looks like the only thing the people in the west know about ice cream, is how it tastes," the rotund man cracked into the microphone.

"And how to wrestle in it," Brighton pointed out, as he gaped at two bikini-clad women tumbling in a vat of chocolate.

"Interesting way to advertise an event…I wonder…" Maxwell watched chocolate covered bodies roll over one another for domination.

"Wonder all ya want, sweetie, because it ain’t gonna happen," Fran commented as she put lipstick on.

"Could I have all the contestants and their assistants make their way to their stations please."

"Come on Mrs. Sheffield, that’s our cue," Niles called out as he walked towards a mini kitchen area.

"I don’t know about this, Niles," Fran looked nervously at all the kitchen utensils and then out at the crowd of spectators.

"You’ll do fine," he assured her. "All you need to do is hand me things and perhaps stir something in a bowl."

"If this was for a home perm and I had to mix chemicals for brunette highlights maybe…not that I do that for myself. It’s something I learned…in college." She felt someone tap her shoulder.

"Fran? What are you doing here?"

"Nadine!"

The two sisters hugged and kissed the air next to one another’s cheeks.

"Nay, what are you doing here?"

"I sent in a very delicioso recipe of mine and voila, Hollywood here I am."

"So did I!" Fran gushed. "This is great! One of us will win a hundred grand!"

"You mean I will win a hundred grand," Nadine simpered.

"Yeah!…Wait a minute! What do you mean you will win it. I have as good a chance as you to win this contest."

"Oh, please. Fran, this is your sister you’re talking to. I grew up with you, remember?"

"How could I forget, you stretched every sweater I had."

"Well, I am a tad more Rubenesque," Nadine threw her chest out.

"Ya mean Reuben Kincaid…after he ate a hundred turkey dinners," Fran threw back.

"Will the contestants please get to their stations. Once you hear the starter gun go off, you may begin." A voice announced through the sound system.

The two sisters glared at one another as they walked behind their kitchenettes.

"Can you believe that sister of mine?!" Fran whispered angrily to Niles.

"Mrs. Sheffield, please pay attention. The gun just went off. I need you to drain the cherries."

"The nerve of her! Thinking that we don’t have a chance. Just because she’s a caterer," Fran grumbled as she grabbed the bowl of cherries, her sister’s voice grating on her nerves.

"Barry, you need to move that stuff over, I need room to make my masterpiece."

"There’s too much junk here," her husband complained as he tried to assist her.

"Oh, look! There’s room for me here." Nadine placed measuring cups on Fran’s counter.

"That’s my room, Nay!" Fran yelled as she shoved the cups back into her sister’s arms.

"Hey, who ya pushin’?!"

Niles sighed as he watched the sisters do their version of a ‘Jerry Springer Show’ in Malibu. "Babcock, I need your help," he called over to the sidelines.

"I’m still trying to roll these cigars for you. Are you sure I’m doing this right? They look smaller than the ones Maxwell smokes and they have a funny smell to them." CC put one in her mouth and lit up.

"Ma’am?"

She looked up at two burly officers in navy blue polos, white shorts, and shiny badges over their left pockets.

They each grabbed an elbow and began to cart her off.

"Where are you taking me? I didn’t do anything wrong. Niiiiles!"

He watched them take her away, torn at saving her and stirring the ingredients in his saucepan. He shrugged and added a quarter cup of sugar to the mix.

CC managed to escape without any help and shoved tanned bodies aside as she bulldozed her way back to the British thorn on her side.

~~~~

Maxwell grabbed the big heavy pan and pulled it out of his wife’s hand, just as she was about to wallop her sister with it.

"What do you think you’re doing?"

"She started it!" Fran pouted.

"I can’t take you anywhere. You were suppose to help Niles."

She scowled and then looked up at him guiltily. Then she turned towards the Ice Cream Competition. "It looks like he doesn’t need my help anymore. Miss Babcock is there."

"Yes, but is she helping him?" He grimaced as he watched his friend get more personal with a bowl of cherries than he ever wanted to be.

"Ooo, listen…a live band is playing over there!" Fran grabbed her husband’s hand and pulled him away.

CC grabbed the bottle of brandy that Niles was going to use to set the Cherries Jubilee aflame. "You were going to let me get arrested!" CC walked over to Niles menacingly.

"Now…now Miss Babcock, that’s very expensive brandy. You wouldn’t want to waste it by hitting me over the head with it now would you?" He gulped.

"Who cares - I didn’t buy it."

"Y-you have me all wrong. I didn’t go get you right away because I figured I would need money to bail you out, but first I had to win the contest," Niles answered, thanking the gods for his quick mind.

CC paused and thought about that. Then she picked up the long red lighter. "Nope, sorry. I don’t believe you. Instead of giving the judges cherries flambé, I think butler flambé will be much more appreciated," she gloated. "I know it sounds good to me."

She set some spilled cherries on fire for good effect. Flames shot up as she poured more brandy on it before taking a swallow of it for herself.

Niles’ eyes darted around, looking for an escape. Where’s Barbara Eden when you need her? He closed his eyes tightly, praying for a genie bottle to wash up ashore and hoped his insurance was paid up.

~~~~

"It’s a jazz festival!" Fran announced happily as they ran closer to the stage.

"They’re very good," Maxwell cocked his head and listened to the music appreciatively.

"Yes they are."

He turned to her, knowing that flirtatious tone and then saw a saxophonist winking and grinning at her.

"Where is your wedding ring?" he asked between gritted teeth.

"I took it off. I didn’t want to get cherry juice all over it."

"Well, put it back on."

"My fingers are still sticky. Oh, I know…"

Maxwell watched the saxophonist’s eyes enlarge and looked back at his wife who was licking her fingers clean, not knowing how sexy she looked doing it. Or maybe she did.

"You know I played the saxophone in my college days."

"You did? I find musicians verrry sexy." She walked her fingers titillatingly up his arm.

Maxwell closed his eyes as his wife blew into his ear. "Yes, well I could probably blow circles around that chap."

"Why don’t you then? C’mon Max – show me your stuff!"

"What? Here? Now?!"

"I’m talking about your talent with the horn although if you want to show me your talent with another type of horn, I’m game." She winked saucily at him.

"Uh…y-yes, well, I don’t think the time is appropriate for that right now. Those men are being paid for their services."

"I’m sure they’re worth their wait in gold."

Maxwell glowered and sent a scorching look at the musician who dared to flirt with his wife in his presence. He marched up the steps as the song came to a close, grabbed a saxophone from another musician and wiped the mouthpiece with the bottom of his shirt.

Fran gave a start of surprise and watched as her husband placed his mouth on the end of the saxophone and began whaling on it, his fingers danced across the keys, his head pulled back and his foot tapped on the stage to the up-beat tune he was playing.

"Oh yeah, baby!" Fran catcalled. "Ride that painted pony and let the spinning wheels turn!"

~~~~

"Do you think we should get mom and dad?" Brighton asked his sister as he watched Niles and CC tumble into the vat of chocolate ice cream.

Gracie flinched as she watched the two wrestle. CC shoved the women that were inside out with a few well-placed kicks. "No, by the time we find them, I’m sure it’ll be much too late."

"Dibs on Niles’ answering machine," Brighton said as he watched CC place Niles in a headlock.

"Wow, where did she learn to fight like that?" Gracie asked in awe.

"Was that a piledriver?! Ooo – nice move!" He couldn’t help getting into it. The spectators for the Ice Cream Competition all were.

"What’s going on?" Maggie sidled up to her siblings, as she covered her ears, the roar of the crowd became even louder. "Is that CC and Niles?" She asked in shock.

Brighton and Grace nodded.

"Twenty on CC!" Brighton offered.

"I’ll take that bet," Gracie shook his hand. "Niles is crafty, he’ll get out of it somehow."

"I don’t know about that," Maggie pointed as CC held the butler’s head under the ice cream, his arms flailing about.

All of a sudden CC fell hard on her bottom as Niles grabbed her legs.

Gracie whistled and stomped her feet.

CC’s face became more determined and then Niles’ howl of pain was heard.

"What did she do?"

Brighton shook his head, "I’m not sure, but I’m thinking Niles may want to adopt in the future."

"I bet the cops will be here and stop it all before either one of them wins." Maggie said.

"Not a chance," her brother returned. "I overheard someone say that they were all over at the Jazz Festival because some kook got on stage."

"Yeah, then they said another kook in the audience jumped on a policeman’s back when he tried to handcuff the first kook."

"Have you ever watched Pacific Blue? There are handsome, muscular cops on bikes all over the place…we really need to move out here." Maggie shook each of their hands and then they turned to watch the fight.

Niles flipped CC over his head and she landed with a splash.

"Niles, Niles, Niles!" Gracie whooped.

"You know I think you better not let her watch WWF with you anymore," Maggie told her brother who wasn’t listening.

"Look – Niles slipped! And CC is climbing on top of the vat. She’s not going to…" his voice trailed away in astonishment.

"She’s doing the Axe Handle Smash," Gracie announced as she watched CC jump down with her hands clasped together in a fist.

"Niles – look out!"

"Ooo – that’s gotta hurt!" Brighton winced.

"Okay, break it up! Break it up!" A group of uniformed men and women moved their way through the crowds and up to the vat.

Maggie smirked as her siblings each handed over a crisp twenty-dollar bill.

~~~~

"I demand another phone call to my attorney!" Maxwell grabbed the bars of his jail cell.

"Sorry bub, but you already made your one phone call," the policeman answered.

He sat down in disgust on the wooden bench. "Fran, I can’t believe you didn’t call our lawyer like you were suppose to."

"I’ll bet you’ll whistle a different tune when that DJ Rick Dees gives me that $102 I won for being the 102^nd caller," she replied as she put on mascara. "Thanks for letting me listen to the radio on our way over here Chas."

Fran gave the police guard a hundred watt smile and watched him blush. "Sweetie, don’t worry about it. You left a message for the kids, right? They’ll be here."

"I don’t want my children to see me behind bars!"

"What’s the problem. You always wanted to look cooler in B’s eyes. Now you’ll be the maaaan."

"Yes. The Birdman…of Alcatraz." He sulked as he peered out of his cell.

"Move aside you two. We have another couple of hooligans to put in there with you."

The door to their chamber clanged open as Niles and CC was led inside.

"Oh my god! What happened to you two?" Maxwell jumped up from his seat.

Niles and CC looked at each other and then at him. "What do you mean?"

"What do I mean?! You two are covered in…in…" he spread his hands out at them.

Fran skipped over and took a long whiff. "Mmm, ice cream. And not just any ordinary ice cream, but Ben and Jerry’s ‘Wavy Gravy’ – caramel cashew Brazilian nut ice cream with a chocolate hazelnut fudge swirl…" She took another whiff, "And roasted almonds."

"The lady knows her ice cream," a big bearded man commented with a grin.

"Dad… Fran? What are you two doing in jail?" Gracie asked as she walked into the prison’s hallway followed by her brother and sister.

"There you guys are! We’ve been looking for you!" Brighton exclaimed.

"We went to the hotel to tell you about Niles and CC, but we couldn’t find you." Maggie added.

"Didn’t you get the message we left on the telephone?" their dad asked.

"I told you the light was blinking," Gracie mumbled to her brother.

"These are your parents?" the police guard asked.

All three nodded.

"What about these other two?" He pointed at the chocolate covered duo.

"Leftovers from my Easter basket?" Brighton replied, trying to lighten the moment, but received a reproving glare in return.

"I’ll post bail for all four, officer," the bearded man stepped forward.

"Who are you?" Maxwell looked at him curiously.

"Allow me to introduce myself. I’m Ben Cohen."

"Oh my god! Ben Cohen from Ben and Jerry’s?!" Fran jumped on the bars and tried to touch his shirtsleeve. "Your Cherry Garcia is to die for!"

The large man chuckled. "Thank you. Your friends put on quite a spectacle and it attracted quite a crowd. The least I can do is pay for all the great advertising they threw my way." He waved good-bye and followed one of the policemen down the hall.

"All right. You four are free to go," Chas, the police guard, unlocked the cell door and held it open for them.

"This is the most humiliating experience in my life," Max bemoaned as he followed his wife outside into the warm, sunshiny California day.

Fran grabbed his collar, pulled him down, and kissed him long and lusciously on the lips.

"Take me to our hotel room," she whispered, "and Jazzman – I will take your blues away."

Maxwell stood up stunned, then as his head cleared, he grabbed his wife’s hand and made a run for their rented sports utility truck that Maggie had parked out front.

"You know this is all your fault!" CC hissed at Niles as she strode away from him.

"Watch out!" he grabbed her waist and pulled her back just as a bus honked and drove by.

"Wow! Miss Babcock, Niles just saved your life!" Gracie exclaimed.

"What?! Noooo, not again! Hey, you bus driver! Come back here – you were suppose to run me over!" CC ran after the blue and white transit.

Gracie, Maggie, Brighton and Niles walked over to the truck, where Maxwell was impatiently waiting.

"You know this was the best vacation we’ve ever had. I hope we can do it again next year." Brighton said as he stepped inside.

*Yiddish translations:

Farkuckt: (loosely translated) messed up; blundered

Meshugeneh: crazy

And if I’m just a tad bit off on the spelling/translations forgive me, I’m part of the goyim population.

Goyim: not of the Jewish persuasion

*The Nanny is a copyright of Sony Pictures, Tri-Star Television, High School Sweethearts, Sternin and Fraser's Ink, Inc. and CBS Television. No infringement of rights is meant or implied.

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