The Roast

by

Goldenpoet67
(Goldenpoet67@aol.com)

Max was happy, he had been invited to a roast for Andrew Lloyd Webber. "I get to be the host!" Max said. "Oh, honey, what an opportunity!" Fran said. "You have always wanted to insult the man, here's your chance to get away with it!" Fran said.

"Fran, help me come up with some puns, would you?" Max asked."Sure, honey." Fran said. "First, I want to make love with my wonderful husband." she said, as she kisses him. They spend the morning together. Max was floating, he was happy about the chance to roast his number one competitor.

"Fran, if you come with me, you can't embarrass me, darling." Max said. "How would I do that, Max?" Fran asked. "Yes, I mean, don't try to upstage me or anything." Max said. "Me'?" Fran said. "Yes, you, don't say a thing, enjoy the fun, and watch me make him squirm." Max said.

"Honey, what do you think you'll say first?" Fran asked. "Well, I am not sure, but I am going to really have fun with this." Max said. He began working on his speech. "Go ahead, honey, I am going to head out and meet Val, ok?" Fran said.

"Fran, don't forget my dry cleaning." Max said. "Alright, honey." she said as she left. Max wasn't sure if he wanted Fran there or not. She didn't mean to, but trouble follows her at big events at times.

He had remembered the same night of the Roast, Fran was supposed to host a society tea. "That will keep her busy." he thought. "It's too late to cancel it." Max said. "I will tell her if when she comes home." Max thought.

Fran takes a long time to come home, and max calls her. "Darling, is everything alright?" he asked. "Yes, Max, I am on my way home." she said. "Alright, did you get my dry cleaning?" Max asked. "Yes, honey." she said. "I remembered what you did the last time I didn't get your dry cleaning." she said.

"Good, Fran. "Now, the night of the roast, is the same night as your society tea." Max said. "Max, we could cancel the tea!" she said. "No, sweetheart, it is too late, and I don't want to appear abrupt." Max said. "Then I can't come to the roast?" Fran asked. "Sorry, Fran, but you must keep up with the society events as well." Max said.

"Oh, alright, honey." she said. "I will be home soon." Fran said. Fran was home within a half hour. "Could I still help you with your puns?" Fran asked. "Sure, Sweetheart." Max said. She sits in his lap. She kisses him, and he was having trouble thinking of puns for the roast.

"Honey, why don't you start off talking about your "Cats" mistake?" "I think you're right, sweetheart."Max said. "I could tease that I passed it up because I thought it was a flop." Max said. "Well, honey, it is why you passed it up." Fran said.

"Fran, I am not getting roasted." Max said. "Andrew is." Max said. "I know, honey, but think how many laughs you'd get if you come out with a zinger which makes Andrew looking regretful instead of you?" she said.

"I will think of something, thank you, Fran." Max said. Max spent three days on his speech, but he finally had it. "Oh, Andrew won't forget tonight!" Max said.

Fran had canceled the tea , unbeinknown to Max. She didn't want him to find out. So far, he hadn't. Fran wanted to be there. "I've got to be there!" she said. She was going to sit in the back, hoping not to be noticed.

Fran was taking the town car after Max and Niles leave. CC was going with Max. Max never noticed Fran not getting ready for the society tea. He was focused on the roast.

Fran snuck off after Max left. She arrived looking fabulous, but she was trying not to get noticed. Many people noticed her, and said hello. Fran took a seat in the back. The roast was starting. Fran heard Max's lame jokes, and she was trying not to laugh at him, but he was more funny than the jokes he had.

Her laugh is distinctive, so she couldn't laugh too loud. When Andrew spoke, he said, "Max, Max, this coming from a man who doesn't notice his wife hiding in the back?" he laughs.

Fran tries to hide, but Max sees her. "Ask her up, Max."Andrew said. Everyone claps, and Fran comes up. Max had the "I am going to kill you look" on his face. Fran tried to laugh it off. Max whispers, you are so dead, Fran." as he pulls out a chair for her."I know, honey." she said.

Andrew puts Fran on the spot, "Mrs.Sheffield, want to roast me?" Andrew asked. Fran tries to shrug it off, but everyone wanted it. She felt Max tug on her dress, but she was in too deep. She slaps Max's hand away, and steps up to the podium.

"I was supposed to be hosting a society tea, who'd thought I would settle for a roast instead." she said. Everyone laughed at her joke. "You know, my husband passed on Cats, he thought it was silly for people dressed like cats in a show." Fran said. "He said he wishes he could get a Tony for all the times he doubted "Cats." Fran said.

Everyone laughs. "Seriously, "I love ,Cats." "I am really more of a dog lover!" she said. "When my husband opens each new play, he always says, "Oh, god, let this be the one to be better than Cats." The crowd is laughing hysterically.

"Max is a great producer, he wants to be number one, but the spot is taken." she said, looking at Andrew. Fran roast Max instead, as it turned out, and the crowd loved it. She was first innocent, but it was obvious she was getting even.

"I have to go home with the man, can you imagine the fun it will be?" she said. She ends it with, thank you for allowing me at your roast." The crowd roars and claps.

Max was embarrassed, and speechless. By the time they get home, Max is furious with Fran. "Oh honey, lighten up, I was getting even with you." she said.

"You were supposed to be at the society tea." "Not at the roast." he said. "I had forbidden you to cancel." Max said. "You totally embarrassed me." Max said.

"I am going to have to work this out, Fran." "I am angry, let me have time." he said. Fran changes clothes and goes to bed. Max sleeps on the sofa. He smiles when he thinks how sneaky Fran was to do this. "The little rascal." he said. "Fran Joy Sheffield, I am going to get you." he said.

He sneaks upstairs. He tickles Fran, and playfully jokes with her about it.She laughs, because she is so ticklish. "Honey, I thought you were mad at me." Fran said. "I wanted to be, Fran, but I can't. "I love you too much." He said.

They kiss.Then they make love. "Mrs.Sheffield, I am going to roast you if you ever do that again." Max said. Fran laughs, and Max tickles her some more. Fran remembers what he has done in the past, and she is likely to receive it one day, "Oy, I'd better watch it." she said to herself.

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