Back to Fan Fictionby
Marissa
(delong617@hotmail.com)
[The office Fran is sitting on the desk and Max is looking at a brochure]
Fran: So, Mr. Sheffield what do you think?
Max: Well, Miss Fine, it sounds like a good trip for the children, take them, I have a very important meeting this weekend.
Fran: But, it’s a trip to the South of France. [She stands and puts her arms around Max’s neck] You know how much fun we had in France last year.
Max: [He walks to the end of the desk while Fran follows] Don’t you remember? That’s when I took back…. [He grabs a lemon from his tea and places it on the doorknob Niles screams and runs down the hall, Maxwell walks back to the desk.] the thing.
Fran: I had blocked that part out!
Max: MISS FINE!
Fran: Don’t scream Niles will hear you! [Pause] Well if you can’t cancel a meeting to go on a trip with your family you’ve just… just changed Mister [she walks out]
Max: [following her] It’s a meeting with Pavarotti! [He goes back in to the office paces and then goes back to the door] Ni-! [Niles is standing in front of him]
Niles: [annoyed] What?
Max: Get in here Old Man! [They go into the office] Where’s Miss Fine?
Niles: I believe she went to her Mother’s.
Max: Why would you think that?
Niles: While she was going out the door she said, " I’m going to my mother’s".
Max: Good, now do you know anything about this vacation she wants us all to go on?
Niles: Am I going too? How ex-
Max: I told her we couldn’t go she’s just taking the children.
Niles: [hitting him] Oh, you English think you know it all producer!
Max: Niles!
Niles: I guess I’m fired now?
Max: Come on Old Man, tell me, doesn’t Miss Fine know how I feel about her?
Niles: Let’s see you told her you loved her and took it back asked her to marry you twice you took it back, what do you think?
Max: Doesn’t she understand that I have very important work to do!
Niles: Of course, Sir.
Max: [Niles is pouting] Well go ahead and say it. [He sits down on the couch]
Niles: Well, I….
Max: Go on!
Niles: Think of Miss Fine like a flower. She’s lovely so someone is eventually going to come along and pick her. You need to pick her before anyone else does.
Max: I..I.. have no idea what you just said.
Niles: [pulls him out of the chair] I want you to go over to Mrs. Fine’s and bring her back, tell her that you’ll go on vacation with her and don’t come back till you do! [Niles pushes Max out the door]
[Sylvia’s apartment, Fran and Sylvia are sitting on the couch]
Sylvia: Oh God, he should die!
Fran: Ma! Mr. Sheffield has a lot of work to do!
Sylvia: Yeah, like I can’t take a bunch of people together and have them sing " Climb Every Mountain ".
Fran: He’s had a lot of hits Ma! [Sylvia gives her the eye] Okay, a few. [Sylvia still looks at her] Okay one.
Sylvia: Which was about him living single and alone all his life.
Fran: Ma! [The doorbell rings] I’ll get it!
[Fran opens the door and hollers]
Fran: Ma! It’s Mr. Sheffield!
Max: Hello Miss Fine, Mrs. Fine.
Sylvia: [Runs over to Max] Hello! Why don’t I leave you two alone? [She goes into the bedroom]
Max: Can I come in?
Fran: I guess. [They sit on the couch]
Max: Miss Fine I’m sorry, I would love to go no vacation with you.
Fran: [They both jump up] Mr. Sheffield! [She puts her arms around his neck and gives him a kiss on the cheek]
Sylvia: [from the back room] HOO HA! I’m going to France!
Fran: [blushing] Ma you’re not going!
Max: You know what I’m hungry.
Fran: So am I. [She goes into the kitchen]
Max: [picks up the phone and dials the house]
Max: Niles, cancel my meeting with Pavarotti.
[Back at the house the kids; Niles, Max and Fran are standing by the door with their luggage, the children look upset. Yetta walks in.]
Fran: Yetta whatcha doin’ here?
Yetta: [walking over to Niles] You’re going too! This is my husband’s second honeymoon and mine.
Niles: Miss Fine do I have to?
Fran: Relax we’ll get you separate rooms; just make sure you lock your door at night. [Sylvia walks in]
Sylvia: Fran your meshugana father is giving up this trip to watch the basketball playoffs.
Fran: Ma! You weren’t invited in the first place but since you’re here you can come.
Sylvia: Yetta get off the butler!
Fran: Let her have some fun!
Sylvia: Fine you’re in charge of her then.
Fran: [noticing the kids glum faces] Kids what’s the matter? Smile! [CC walks in]
CC: Hello! Hello!
Niles: Well that lasted for a second.
CC: Shut up, Mr. Clean! [Pause] Maxwell, you’re leaving without me!
Max: Well, I figured you had business to attend to.
CC: I’m as free as a bird!
Niles: Well Duh!
CC: Ha- Ha, Toilet Freshener.
Maggie: [she walks up to Fran] Fran, do I have to go I have a big date tomorrow.
Max: What you are certainly not staying here young lady!
Fran: [whispering to Maggie] Have I taught you nothing?
Max: What was that Miss Fine?
Fran: Nothing, Mr. Sheffield, Sir.
Maggie: But Daddy…. [Everyone starts complaining]
Fran: Hush!!!!!!! Now Maggie you’re going, get into the limo!
Maggie: But Fran…
Fran: No but’s, go! Brighton, Gracie you too! CC, no! Yetta and your husband go! Ma you too! Mr. Sheffield, come with me!
Max: [outside] You handled that well.
Fran: [looking up at Max] No problem!
[At the airport the passengers have just gotten off the plane, they are standing in front of their luggage]
Fran: Gracie are you okay honey?
Gracie: Yeah I just got a little lightheaded, sorry about your suit Niles.
Niles: [has his jacket is in his hand, he holds it up] It’s okay I can always wash it out.
Gracie: That flight attendant was nice though she moved me to another guys chair near the front and made him trade with me, and gave me a garbage can.
Fran: Yea, nice guy he sat with me and I gave him some money so he could buy some deodorant. Meanwhile, how was first class Mr. Sheffield?
Max: You know the plane was full and those were the only tickets they had left, there was only one first class ticket.
Fran: Well! [She walks out the rest of them follow.]
[At the Le Dermot Hotel lobby Fran is standing with a piece of paper in her hand she is reading it of to her family in front of her handing out keys as she goes]
Fran: Maggie and Gracie room 336. Brighton and Niles room 337. Yetta and Ma room 338. Maxwell room 339 and I have room 340.] Now meet back here at noon.
[They all run up a grand staircase behind them. Fran and Maxwell are in the back of the group]
Fran: So Mr. Sheffield what are we going to do for lunch?
Max: I thought about having a picnic outside.
Fran: Sounds wonderful! Are we going to have time for tennis today though?
Max: We might but don’t you need lessons?
Fran: Of course I can’t wait.
[Out on the tennis courts a hunky man is behind Fran helping her hold the tennis racket over in the next court Max is playing with Brighton but Max is paying more attention to Fran]
Instructor: [with a thick French accent] You are doing very well Miss Fine.
Fran: Well, you are a very good teacher!
[Brighton hits the ball and Maxwell misses it]
Brighton: Yes! I won!
Max: Good job son! [He walks over to Fran and her instructor]
Max: Oh, you must have so many other people to teach why don’t I teach you Miss Fine?
Fran: Oh someone’s jealous!
Max: Fine I’ll go ask Brighton for another game.
Max: [leaving whispering to himself] Three, Two, One!
Fran: Wait!
Max: You want me to teach you now?
Fran: No I want to play!
Max: Let’s play!
[Fran and Max play a hard game of tennis and Fran’s beat Max by 2 points.]
Max: Lucky break!
Fran: Oh, you want to play again?
Max: No, I’ll think I’ll go play with Niles!
Fran: Fine! [They walk in opposite directions Fran goes over to Sylvia, Maggie and Gracie, and Brighton who are sitting on a bench under a tree.]
Fran: Hey guys having fun?
Maggie: Duh! Look at my instructor! [A young looking handsome man walks by Maggie waves to him he waves back.]
Fran: He’s very cute Maggie. What have you been doing Gracie?
Gracie: Oh I just beat Brighton in tennis! Right Brighton?
Brighton: Yeah, lucky break!
Fran: You are so much like your father! Ma where’s Yetta?
Sylvia: She had a tennis lesson and I haven’t seen her since!
Fran: Ma how old was her instructor?
Sylvia: About sixty I think but he didn’t look a day over forty.
Fran: Oy! Let’s go look for him!
Sylvia: Hey I’m not in charge of her! I’m going to go to the snack bar you meshuganas can look for her.
Fran: Fine, we’ll all go with you. Maybe we can find her while we’re walking.
Maggie: Fran! I’ve got another tennis lesson in a few minutes!
Fran: No way young lady! Let’s go! [They all get off the bench and start walking toward on the sidewalk toward the resort. Fran sees Elton John playing on a tennis court nearby. She whispers to Sylvia and the kids.] Oh look it’s Elton John! [Waving her hand] Yoo Hoo, Elton, Yoo Hoo!!! [Elton looks over and the ball hits him in the head but he is still standing they all walk away not noticing]
Sylvia: Hoo Ha! Elton John!
Maggie: I know!
Brighton: He sings the best songs!
Gracie: He’s the guy who sings that one song from " The Lion King " right?
Fran: Of course sweetie! [Maxwell walks up to them]
Max: We have to leave, CC says Pavarotti is really angry we cancelled on him and is threatening to not do the show!
Fran: Mr. Sheffield! It’s so beautiful here!
Max: His appearance alone in a show can make 2 million.
Fran: Let’s go pack!
[Back on the plane Fran once again is in second class while Max is in first she leans over to the kids]
Fran: Do you think Elton was mad that I said Yoo Hoo to him?
The End
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