| season one | ||
| 1.1 The Pilot | Brighton: I hate her. Max: Now Brighton, let's not be hasty. Fran: Yeah, I haven't even sung 'Climb Ev'ry Mountain' yet. | |
| 1.1 The Pilot | Niles: Miss Babcock for you, sir. Max: Thank you Niles, I'll take her in the library. Niles: Miss Babcock loves to be taken in the library. | |
| 1.2 Smoke Gets In Your Lies | Brighton: Hey, Maggs, wow! You look really beautiful. Maggie: And...? Brighton: And, nothing...You look really good! Maggie: Shut up, Brighton! Fran: Why are you being so nice to your sister? Who'd you killed? Brighton: Why does everyone assume the worst of me? Fran: It saves time. | |
| 1.2 Smoke Gets In Your Lies | (Fran and Max are in the middle of an argument) Fran: Well, it's very easy for you to find faults. You're off all day with the glamorous theater people while I'm stuck at home working like a dog raising the kids! Max: You're the nanny! It's your job! Fran: (exasperated) Well, you're the father, it's your job, too... (lowering her voice and looking down) Mr. Sheffield, sir. Max: Go to your room! Yes, you! Fran: (to Niles) Can you believe he sent me to my room?! He is so adorable sometimes. | |
| 1.3 My Fair Nanny | Niles: We're British, we can say anything we like and people think it's Shakespeare. (Max and Niles chuckle to each other.) | |
| 1.3 My Fair Nanny | Max: (Trying to teaching Fran to speak without her accent): Repeat after me: Mark went on a lark after dark in Central Park. Fran: Gee, I hope he's got a gun! | |
| 1.4 The Nutschlep | Fran: I'm just trying to expose the children to other cultures. We order Chinese food, they learn how Jewish people eat. | |
| 1.5 Here Comes The Brood | C.C.: Maxwell, I adore children. It's a natural thing, a female thing.
Niles: I hear some females eat their young. | |
| 1.5 Here Comes The Brood |
Gracie: I don't want to go to the Zoo. I had nightmares about fangs, claws and snarling. Maggie: Gracie, they keep the animals in cages. Brighton: (to Maggie) She's talking about C.C. | |
| 1.5 Here Comes The Brood | Fran: Oh come on. Stop being such a big fat baby. You got a toothache you go to a dentist. Max: I don't have a toothache, I just slept on it wrong. Fran: Who sleeps on a tooth? (To Grace) Unless you're waiting for a fairy. (To Max) Now open up, let me take a look. Max: Miss Fine, it's my mouth and I reserve the right to keep it shut. An option you might consider from time to time. | |
| 1.5 Here Comes The Brood | Fran (zipping Sylvia into a too tight dress with six interlaced straps): Oh, I don't know about these straps Ma....... ya look like a ham! Sylvia: The salesgirl said I looked like a dream. Fran: Maybe Oscar Meyers. | |
| 1.5 Here Comes The Brood | Gracie: I ran away. I took a limo. Fran:(to Sylvia) I ran away, I took a banana. | |
| 1.6 The Butler |
Fran: You're goin' to the musuem in those boots are you? Max: What, my wellies? There's a chance of rain. Fran: There's a chance I might fall off this chair, but you don't see me wearin' a seat belt!! | |
| 1.10 The Nanny-In-Law | Fran: Oy! Were all you blue bloods raised by nannies, what were your parents doing? (at the same time C.C. and Max say) C.C.: I have no idea. Max: I don't really know. | |
| 1.10 The Nanny-In-Law | (Nanny Mueller brings the kids in wearing sailor suits.) Brighton: Fran, I can't go outside in this, somebody will kick my butt. Fran: Sweetheart, I'd kick your butt. | |
| 1.10 The Nanny-In-Law | Max: Nanny, are you comparing Miss Fine to a dog? Nanny Mueller: Not at all, Schnauzer had a pedigree. | |
| 1.10 The Nanny-In-Law | Max: Miss Fine?? Fran: Yes Mr. Sheffield, sir? Max: Take off that uniform! | |
| 1.10 The Nanny-In-Law | Fran: So, does that mean my job's not in jeopardy?? Max: No more than usual. | |
| 1.10 The Nanny-In-Law | Max: Do you really think she's that bad? Fran: Did you see The Hand That Rocks The Cradle? She was the technical advisor. | |
| 1.10 The Nanny-In-Law | Fran: Oh, Mr. Sheffield, you forgot your balls (as she holds up a can of tennis balls). | |
| 1.11 A Plot For Nanny | (in reference to Fran and her date) Max: I can't see anything between them. Niles: (as Max opens the kitchen door, they see Fran and date kissing) I can't see anything between them either. | |
| 1.11 A Plot For Nanny | Brighton: You know Fran, you gotta get this guy out of your system, I mean, I got midterms coming up. Fran: I got middle age coming up, I win! | |
| 1.11 A Plot For Nanny | C.C.: Where's Maxwell??? Niles: He's gone upstairs to discuss with Miss Fine the possibility of having sex in her room. | |
| 1.11 A Plot For Nanny | Max: This is all very awkward, I've, uhh, not had to have this conversation with the other nannies. Of course, they weren't nearly as attractive as you. Fran: Oh well... Max: As master of this house, there are certain things that I expect. Fran: Oh, Mr. Sheffield, maybe I should have read the fine print! | |
| 1.11 A Plot For Nanny | Fran: Well, let me just clarify this, we are talking about having sex in my room, are we not??? Max: No, not us. Fran: We already covered that. | |
| 1.11 A Plot For Nanny | Sylvia: What are you waiting for? You think Mr. Right is just gonna walk right up, knock on your door and say 'Here I am!'
(Max walks in through the door) Max: Ah, there you are! | |
| 1.13 Maggie The Model | C.C. (jealous because Max has invited Chloe Simpson to the Hamptons): Miss Fine, come on down! Have you ever been to the Hamptons? I hear everyone is going! Fran: (to Max) Excuse me. (to C.C.) Do you need a Pamprin? C.C.: No!! Fran: Are ya sure? | |
| 1.14 The Family Plumbing | Buxom Showgirl: What do you want to be when you grow up? Brighton: A halter top. | |
| 1.14 The Family Plumbing | Grace: Look Fran, giant Barbie Dolls. Fran: No Honey, these toys are for boys. | |
| 1.14 The Family Plumbing | C.C.: Well, don't look at me, I wanted to do "Twelve Angry Men." Niles: Yes, but they didn't want to do you. | |
| 1.14 The Family Plumbing | Fran: I am so embarrassed! Niles: Once, when I was just beginning in service, I walked in on the Queen Mum. Fran: In the shower? Niles: On the throne. | |
| 1.14 The Family Plumbing | Fran: Mr. Sheffield, I have to see you a sec! Max: I think you've seen quite enough. | |
| 1.15 Deep Throat | Fran: School, thank God for school. I need those seven hours of personal time. I mean, how else can I continue to be the bright, vivacious nanny that you all know and love if I have to spend all day taking care of those kids? | |
| 1.15 Deep Throat | Nurse: I'm Nurse Smith -- get in bed. Niles: I'm not the patient. Nurse: I know. ;-) | |
| 1.15 Deep Throat | Fran: Shister Meffield.....I love you. | |
| 1.17 Stop The Wedding, I Want To Get Off | (Max is speaking on the phone) C.C: (To Niles) Whoīs he talking to? Niles: Whatīs it worth to you? Max: (putting down the telephone for a second) Itīs my sister, from London. C.C.: I didnīt know Maxwell had a sister. Niles: Now we know what youīre worth to him. Fran: (entering the room) Was that your sister? I hope you said "HI" for me. C.C.: (To Niles) Why does Miss Fine know about her? Niles: He talks in his sleep. | |
| 1.17 Stop The Wedding, I Want To Get Off | Fran (upon hearing Max & Jocelyn's nicknames for each other): Puddleducks? Mopsie? Max: Why Miss Fine, didn't you have a nickname for your sister? Fran: Yeah: 'moron'. | |
| 1.17 Stop The Wedding, I Want To Get Off | Max's sister Jocelyn (upon hearing Fran's laugh): Maxwell, you described her laugh all wrong in your letters. Its nothing like the QE2 adrift in a fog! | |
| 1.17 Stop The Wedding, I Want To Get Off | Gracie: (To Jocelynīs fianceé) So,did you and Uncle Nigel have fun on the
boat? Jocelyn: What boat, darling? Gracie: Fran said you hooked a really big fish. Fran: (putting a piece of bread in Gracieīs mouth) Eat up. | |
| 1.17 Stop The Wedding, I Want To Get Off |
Nigel: Maxwell, your children are charming. Oh, dear, we forgot to buy
them presents.
Well, let me give you money. Max: Oh, Nigel, thatīs not necessary. Nigel: Are you sure? I have lots. I wouldnīt miss it at all. Max: Quite sure. Brighton: Excuse me Dad, but I believe he was talking to us. Fran: Brighton, donīt be greedy. God will punish you. C.C.: (entering the dinning room) Good evening everyone! Fran: (To Brighton) See? | |
| 1.17 Stop The Wedding, I Want To Get Off | Fran (to Kenny): This is just an average, ordinary house. Oh, excuse me - I just gotta ask the butler something. (to Niles) Have you seen the Duke? Niles: Oh, he and Mr. Sheffield have gone yacht shopping. | |
| 1.17 Stop The Wedding, I Want To Get Off | Fran: How are ya supposed to know what you British are feeling? What? Ya all wear mood rings? | |
| 1.17 Stop The Wedding, I Want To Get Off | C.C.: (To Max) I donīt know why...I just love weddings. Niles: Yeah. We all want what we canīt have. | |
| 1.18 Sunday In The Park With Fran | Fran: Well, I wish we'd had this conversation out in the garden. The plants would have loved the fertilizer! | |
| 1.19 The Gym Teacher | Fran (upon hearing that actor Alan Beck set a 20 yr old Max on fire): Well you're not a 20 year old boy anymore, you're a big macher producer. Max: Yes, but I'm still flammable. | |
| 1.20 Ode to Barbra Joan | Fran: But Ma, you always taught me that family comes first. Sylvia: Our family, darling... not theirs. | |
| 1.21 Frannies Choice | CC (to children): Hey kids, when I am down in the dumps, you know what cheers me up? Fran: A fifth of scotch and a fresh pack of batteries? | |
| 1.22 I Don't Remember Mama | Grace: I can knit a sweater Fran: I can fill it better Grace: I can do most anything Fran: Can you make a pie? Grace: No Fran: Neither can I | |
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