Our Favorite Lines

	season two
	2.1 Fran-Lite	Fran: Where's the Nintendo? Niles: I accidentally pounded it repeatedly with a meat mallet.
	2.1 Fran-Lite	Niles (to Maxwell): You see I should have used my oven mitt instead of this somewhat inferior substitution. But I didn't realize I wanted my oven mitt until I saw them together, and then I understood that of course my oven mitt is exactly what I wanted and, goodness gracious, it was under my nose the entire time.
	2.1 Fran-Lite	Fran: Oh, you didn't like her? Gee, I thought her charm was only exceeded by her beauty. Max: Oh, she had a certain way about her. There was just something missing. Like ordering champagne and getting ginger ale. You know, they look alike, but don't make you feel the same.
	2.2 The Playwright	Fran: Niles, do I sound like I'm coming down with a cold? Niles: Constantly.
	2.3 Everybody Needs a Bubby	Sylvia: More importantly, why doesn't anyone ever eat this fruit? Fran: Because their wax! Yetta: Even the grapes?!
	2.4 Material Fran	C.C.: Oh my God Nanny Fine, don't tell me you're wearing that cheap tacky dress to meet Richard Porter's oldest friend? I wouldn't be caught dead in that dress. Niles: You'd have to be dead six months to fit into it.
	2.4 Material Fran	Val: I thought the Eiffel Tower leaned. Fran: Val.... that's Big Ben.
	2.4 Material Fran	Fran: But diamonds are a girl's best friend and now I'm all alone. Niles: Ohhh, you've still got plenty of friends -- Mr. Rhinestone and Mr. Zircon come to mind.
	2.5 Curse Of The Grandmas	Niles: Grab the wheel Miss Fine, you're swerving.
	2.6 The Nanny Napper	[as Fran enters the house with a baby] Niles: Ohhhh. Yard sale at Mia Farrow's?
	2.6 The Nanny Napper	Niles: What's the difference between a butler and a houseboy? Max: In your case, about 30 years, Niles. Niles: Rot in jail, sir.
	2.7 A Star Is Unborn	Niles: I spent my summers in Stratford-Upon-Avon. Fran: I spent my summers selling Avon.
	2.7 A Star Is Unborn	(re: Max is furious because Brighton and Gracie are still up) Max: What's your excuse? Gracie: Well, you tucked me in wrong... Max: Obviously - you got out!!
	2.7 A Star Is Unborn	C.C.: Max I just heard the most delicious news! Niles: Well, why don't you run make a friend and tell them all about it....
	2.7 A Star Is Unborn	C.C.: People will be walking out in the middle of her performance. Niles: Just like one of your dates.
	2.10 The Whine Cellar	Yetta: (after being told the party is for her daughter's 50th birthday) 50?! She's got braissiers older than that. If she's 50, I'm... What do you know. She's 50.
	2.10 The Whine Cellar	Sylvia: If it's on a toothpick, it's not fattening.
	2.12 Take Back Your Mink	C.C.: Who died? Fran: My great Aunt Mima Fayga - she was 104. C.C.: How'd she die? Niles: Childbirth.
	2.12 Take Back Your Mink	C.C.: (trying to be a member of the family) So, kids, what's new? Gracie: Miss Fine's having a baby. C.C.: What?! Who's the father? Niles: Why, Mr. Sheffield, of course. [C.C. spits her drink clear across the dining room!] (For those who might not know, Miss Fine & Mr. Sheffield were the names of Gracie's hamsters.)
	2.13 The Strike	Fran: ( to Maggie ) Oh honey, that dress is entirely too revealing. No, no, no, it makes you look cheap and tawdry. Go put it back in my closet.
new!!	2.13 The Strike	C.C.: Maxwell, you are never gonna believe what happened! Niles: There was a message on your answering machine? C.C.: No, no, the box office... (realizing what he had said) NO!!
	2.13 The Strike	Niles: I couldn't resist the infomercial, Sir. 'Unwanted dirt just slides right off!' ( C.C. slides off the couch ) Voila!
	2.14 I've Got a Secret	Maxwell: Miss Fine, you got some 'splaining to do!!!
	2.14 I've Got a Secret	Fran: That's it, Val, we're not getting into college.
	2.14 I've Got a Secret	Max to Fran: I was just thinking, before you came into my life I never had the need for an emergency transvestite.
	2.15 Kindervelt Days	Fran: (sitting on a picture laying on the desk) Hello, friend. Maxwell: You're sitting on John Malkovich. Fran: I don't hear him complaining.
	2.15 Kindervelt Days	Niles: A blind man in New Jersey saw that one coming, sir.
	2.15 Kindervelt Days	(Fran and Max are dancing.) Fran: Mr. Sheffield, What are you doing here? Max: Well just after you left Mr. Estrada's publicist called to confirm dinner reservations for after the show, so I thought you might have some room on your dance card. Fran: Oh aren't you a doll? Max: You look lovely tonight. Fran: Even with the hair? (her hair had gone flat) Max: Oh I like it I can actually see over your head. Fran: Oh Mr. Sheffield I'll never forget that you did this for me tonight. Max: Well, I know how much it meant to you.
	2.16 Canasta Masta	[as C.C. catches Niles dancing in his underwear] Niles: You realize, of course, now I'm going to have to kill you.
	2.17 The Will	Max: And the moral of the story is ......? Fran: Everything has to have a moral? Who am I? Mother Goose?
	2.17 The Will	Fran: I do not color my hair. I just add a layer of dark highlights.
	2.18 Nanny Behind the Man	Yetta: I'm sorry I'm late but I had to dig up a brassiere that hooks in the front.
	2.19 A Fine Friendship	Niles: Oh dear, that was the last apple. Max: I'm sorry old man, did you want it? Niles: Yes, but I didn't realize I wanted it till somebody else had sunk his teeth into it, now it's too late. It was right there in front of me, if only I'd snatched it up I uldn't have this aching hunger. Max: Good God man, have a bloody pear!
	2.20 Lamb Chop's On the Menu	C.C.: I have to move out of my apartment for a few days and I cannot find a kennel! Niles: Ohhh, treat yourself to a hotel.
	2.20 Lamb Chop's On the Menu	Lamb Chop (looking at C.C.): Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh! Fran: Miss Babcock, your coat! C.C.: What? Fran: New Zealand lamb! Maybe she had people there!
	2.20 Lamb Chop's On the Menu	Fran (to Chester): Purge. Purge. You want me to stick your paw down your throat??
	2.21 Close Shave	(Fran is taking an aspirin, and holding her head) Niles: Oh, Miss Fine. Is that time of the month again? Fran: I'm afraid so, Niles...Time to make my credit card payments!
	2.21 Close Shave	Fran (to a nurse): Oh, excuse me, I need a doctor. Nurse: What are your symptoms? Fran: I�m 30, and still single. Nurse: That�s funny...30.
	2.22 What The Butler Sang	Niles: How do you do? Nadine: I take pills.
	2.23 A Kiss Is Just A Kiss	Val: (to Maggie) So, are you gonna enter? Maggie: No, are you kidding? I�d never win. Pamela Chapman is entering. She�s so gorgeous even her mother hates her. Fran: Oh, sweetie, you�ve gotta have more self-confidence. All those overdeveloped girls just peak in high school. Val: Yeah. Remember that girl from our school who was so beautiful and so popular that everyone thought she would own the world? Then her fiance� dumped her, she got fired from her job and she wound up working as a nan...
	2.23 A Kiss Is Just A Kiss	Maggie: Fran, you spy on me and Sean while we�re making out? Fran: Honey, spying and living vicariously are two completely different things. Niles: (to Fran) Sean? What happened to Peter? Fran: He got a bad haircut. He�ll be back in a couple of weeks.
	2.23 A Kiss Is Just A Kiss	Max: (frustrated with Fran) What I want right now is to be in a pub with my hands wrapped around a cold lager. Fran: A logger? ....Do the kids know that you are considering an alternative lifestyle? Max: It's a beer, Miss Fine! Fran: Ohh...., well speak English! Max: If you had absolutely no intention of going through with this album cover in the first place, what are we arguing about? Fran: Well I have no idea! I can't shake the image of you picking up Paul Bunyon in a bar! Maxwell: It would be easier to have them raised by wolves.
	2.23 A Kiss Is Just A Kiss	C.C.: Oh Niles, tell me or I'll just die! Niles: You say it, but you don't mean it.
	2.23 A Kiss Is Just A Kiss	C.C.: ...I mean, do we really know how old she is under all that make-up? She could be... Niles: ...your age. C.C.: That�s right, she could be close to for...get it, Niles!
	2.23 A Kiss Is Just A Kiss	C.C.: My mental health is just a sick game to you! Niles: Rack 'em up let's play again.
	2.24 Strange Bedfellows	Fran: You know, Mr. Sheffield, my mother has a cold remedy that never fails. Niles, next time you cut up a chicken, save the feet. Max: Actually I'm beginning to feel a lot better. Fran: (to Niles) See, never fails.
	2.24 Strange Bedfellows	C.C.: Come on, Niles, tell me what Maxwell is getting me for my birthday. I�ll give you fifty bucks! Niles: No! But if you tell me your age, I�ll tell you. C.C.: All right, 75. Niles: There...that wasn�t so hard to admit, now was it?
	2.24 Strange Bedfellows	Niles: Oh what are you doing here? The sun is up.
	2.24 Strange Bedfellows	C.C.: (in a soft voice) Maxwell! (draws the curtains and sees Fran sleeping in the left side of Max�s bed) Max: Ahhhh! C.C.! What the devil are you doing in here? C.C.: What am I doing in...? What is she doing here? Max: Who? Uh! (looks at Fran carefully) Oh! MISS FINE! Fran: (waking up and looking tenderly at Max) Oh, I�m having that dream again!
	2.24 Strange Bedfellows	Niles: Oy, this is gonna take forever.
	2.25 The Chatterbox	Max: C.C., tell me, did you have one of these "Sweet 16�s"? C.C.: Oh, please, all those little snot noses trying to out do each other! I didn�t want one. Fran: No friends? Niles: None
	2.26 Fran Gets Mugged	Niles (to Fran): I'll hold her down, you tie her tubes.
	2.26 Fran Gets Mugged	Fran: Oh, please tell me MacBeth is something that goes with McFries.

On to Season Three's Favorite Lines from The Nanny

Back to Season One's Favorite Lines from The Nanny

Back to Franatical