Great Moments in Nanny History

Season Six

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6.1 The Honeymoon's Overboard

written by: Frank Lombardi

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Niles comes downstairs the morning after the wedding with a heck of a hangover. Sylvia arrives for breakfast and Niles tells her about the nightmare he had about Santa Claus trying to have his way with him.

C.C. stumbles down the steps.
Niles and C.C.: Oh my God.
C.C.: We didn't did we?
Niles: Well I'm not sure. Say 'Ho, ho, ho.'

The phone rings, and it's the Coast Guard calling with the news that Mr. and Mrs. Sheffield are missing and presumed overboard.

Fran and Max have washed ashore on a deserted island.
Fran: Thank God you're alive.
Max: It's a miracle we both stayed afloat.
Fran: Well, you know I had help because I was wearing a padded--- So, where do you think we are around here?

Back at home, the family is dealing with their loss and reporters too. C.C. milks it for all it's worth for the camera.

On the island, Fran and Max are settling in. Max has made a hut, but Fran is miserable.

Fran: I hate this honeymoon so much. Where's my little complimentary Aloha cocktail? Where's the little hangers without the hooks that don't work at home? Where's my twenty dollar toast with those little jellies I can never open?

After some more whining, Max finally has had enough.
Max: All right, that's it, that is it. Will you stop it! Will you just stop it! Now I'll get us through this thing if you do what I tell when I tell you to do it. And I'm sick of you tripping all the time, so get rid of this bloody thing.
And he rips her negligee off at the thigh!

Fran finds Max's gruffness a turn on.

Max: Oh my darling, I've waited so long for this moment.
Fran: Oh you've waited so long!


But as passion builds, something bites Maxwell.
Fran: Sweety, I'm lying on a starfish and I'm not complaining. It's nothing Sweety, don't panic. It's just a little bite.
Max: Darling, half my body's going numb.
Fran: Oh my God, which half?
Max:The lower half.
Fran: Heeeeellllp!!!!

Max is starting to slip into unconsciousness, and Fran knows she has to suck the poison out of the bite.

Max: Remember sweetheart, don't swallow. It could kill you.
Fran: You mean my mother was right?

Back at home, it's been a week and they still have had no word about Max and Fran. The Coast Guard has given up, so C.C. vows to find them herself.
C.C.: I have stuck by Maxwell through sixteen girlfriends and two dead wives. (at their looks) One dead wife. I will find Maxwell Sheffield!

Back on the island, Fran is nursing a very sick Maxwell.

Time slips by.

Slowly, he starts feeling a little better until finally...
Max: Darling, I'm feeling so much better.
Fran: Awww....., where?
Max: You know what I think I'm ready for?
Fran: Same thing that I'm ready for, God willing?

Fran: Oh Max, I was so scared I was going to lose you.
Max: You're never gonna lose me. I love you so much.
Fran: I love you.

Meanwhile, C.C. and Sylvia have hired a helicopter to look for the newlyweds. Sylvia is worried because she can't get a "feeling" from Fran.
Sylvia: I just can't connect with my daughter. I can't get a feeling if she's alive. I can't feel if she's in pain.....

Fran: Oh, Max. Max.
Max, Max, Max.
Oh Mr. Sheffield!!!!!

Sylvia: Wait! I got a feeling! She's alive! And she's happy!

Back at home, Fran is telling the kids about their adventure.
Fran: Oh my God, we thought about you guys every single second. You were all we had on our minds.

Max: Absolutely, consumed our every thought.

Fran: Ummm, ya know what kids? We love you guys so very much, but would you mind if we finished the rest of this in the morning? I mean your father and I are just exhausted.
Max: It was such an ordeal. I'm not even sure I'm going to be able to drag myself up the stairs.
Fran: He's so tired.....

But as soon as the kids backs are turned....

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The Glory of Love

You've got to give a little, take a little
And let your poor heart break a little
That's the story of,
That's the glory of love

You've got to laugh a little, cry a little
Until the clouds roll by a little
That's the story of,
That's the glory of love
As long as there's the two of us
We've got the world and all its charms
And when the world is through with us
We've got each other's arms

You've got to win a little, lose a little
Yes, and always have the blues a little
That's the story of,
That's the glory of love

"The Glory Of Love"