Great Moments in Nanny History

Season Six

    
     

6.17 The Dummy Twins

teleplay by: Ivan Menchell
story by: Rachel Chagall, Harriet Goldman, Camelia Kath and Ivan Menchell

Fran follows C.C. into the bathroom where she fled after Niles' surprising declaration. Fran: So, what did he say? What did you say, I want to know all the details!	C.C. leaves and Niles comes in to the rest room to tell Fran exactly what he thinks of her. Niles: I just want you to know that you have ruined my entire life and I will never forgive you for this.
But C.C. isn't as thrilled as Fran had hoped, and turned him down. C.C.: It's always been a dream of mine to give up my Park Avenue penthouse and move into his room.

The next day, Fran and Max have an appointment at Dr. Reynold's office. Maxwell is very unhappy that Fran interfered causing Niles to be miserable. Fran: I have that obsessive/compulsive thing, what's it called? Max: Yenta!! Fran: Why are you yelling at me. I didn't tell him to propose to her. I just told him to express his feelings. I mean, what woman doesn't want to hear a man loves her? Max: I'm the one who's going to suffer from this. He's going to be moping around the house all day refusing to do any work. Why can't you find normal things to fill your time?

Dr. Margot's entrance puts an abrupt end to the argument. Dr. Margot, who is covering for her sister Dr. Reynolds, recommends that Fran and Max care for some twin dolls to get a taste of what life will be like once their children are born.

Fran has promised Max that she won't get involved in Niles' personal affairs anymore, but the children made no such promise. Grace: See that was your mistake Butler Boy, you can't rush into these sort of things. Who do you think I am the impetuous sexy Fran? You're a small man, start small. Ask me out to dinner first.

Niles gets the point of the play, but unfortunately, C.C. doesn't want to go out to dinner with him. CC: I want a man who makes my heart pound, who sweeps me off my feet. Fran: You're halfway there, ya got a guy that sweeps!

Later that night, Fran starts to relate to Val that she finally did get CC to agree to go to dinner with Niles, but Max walks in and interrupts the phone conversation. Max: Darling, do you have any idea why Niles is all dressed up and asked to borrow my Paco Raban? Fran: Don't know, not involved, wanna make love?

Little Caryn chooses that moment to start wailing. Fran asks Max to go get the baby, but he refuses to get out of bed for two dolls. Fran: So what are you saying? You're not to going to get up and help them just because they're dolls? Max: Yes.

Fran tries to go, but Max pulls her back. Max: I've had children, and you cannot go to them every time they cry. You have to learn which one's important and what cry means what. Fran: Well this cry means Mommy can't make love cause she's too distracted. Max: That's an important one.

Max exits to take care of the babies and Fran starts to follow him out, but when she opens the bedroom door, she finds a steaming Niles on the other side, angry because he proposed again to CC and again she turned him down. Niles: I can tell you this much, I can no longer stay under the same roof with that woman, it's just too humiliating. Now I tried to take your advice, I tried to do what you said to do and it just didn't work, so now I'm going to have to quit!

Of course Maxwell chooses that moment to come back. Max: Quit!!?? Fran: Sweetie, I'm in the mood to make love now.

In a desperate attempt to keep Niles from quitting, Fran tries to talk to C.C., but C.C. is having none of it, until Maxwell interferes and insists she talk to him. Then she meekly apologizes to Niles. C.C.: Look, what happened, happened. But it's just between the four of us. Nobody else ever has to know. I promise I will never tell another soul. But the tape recorder with the proposal goes off and Niles knows she will never let him forget it. The argument heats up.

The next day, C.C. takes great pleasure in playing a tape she made of Niles' proposal and making fun of him.

Niles: Look around you, they're married, they're starting a family. Where are you going to be ten, twenty years from now? You're going to be saying "Merry Christmas" to your friends in rehab and wondering what might have been. I'll be leaving first thing in the morning Sir. And he leaves.

CC: Oh my God, he's right. The best years of my life are gone, and they sucked. I have always stayed too long at the fair. Well not this time. I have to move on. Maxwell, my resignation will be on your desk in the morning. And she leaves.

That night, Fran has snuck the babies in bed with their mommy and daddy. Fran: Sweetie, I'm sorry, it's just that they were upset about Niles. Ya know they sense things. Max: They're rubber and their butts are stamped "Made In Taiwan". What can they sense? Fran: That their daddy doesn't love them! Max: Me?? You're the one that almost melted Frankie on the toaster oven.	They start discussing the situation with Niles and decide that they need to tell him right away how much they love and value him and that he is an important member of their family.
	Outside his door, after a brief knock. Fran: Ya know, he's a very heavy sleeper. Sometimes three, four in the morning I'll ring him up for a diet soda -- I get no answer.

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