Season Three
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![]() Mr. Sheffield is going out to lunch with a friend who is divorcing his second wife. Max: The whole thing is a bloody mess. I tell you, I'm not going to remarry till the children are grown and out of the house. Fran: Wait a minute, that could be like ten years. What if you met the right girl, you think she's going to wait around all that time to settle down and start a family? Max: If she's the right person, she'll understand. Fran: No, she won't. | ![]() Brighton has failed French, so Maxwell insists they hire a tutor to improve his grades. Fran: Meanwhile, I got to spend the whole afternoon interviewing French tutors for Brighton. Val: What happened to the one Mr. Sheffield liked, Nannette? Fran: No no. |
![]() Fran: It's a good thing Mr. Sheffield put me in charge of this cause, unlike a man, I will hire a tutor based solely on their academic credentials. Philippe: Bon Jour. Fran: You're hired. |
![]() So Philippe starts to tutor Brighton, but Fran catches the tutor's eye (and vice versa) and they start dating. | ![]() Philippe: I believe your employer is jealous, huh? Max: I believe your date is presumptuous. Philippe: One thing a Frenchman can spot a mile away is a cuckold. Max: Oh really? I would have thought that would be a plate of stinky cheese. Philippe: Limey. Max: Frog. Philippe: The only good thing to come out of your country is Andrew Lloyd Webber. Fran: Oh hey, hey hey! Ya know, I had a dream like this once! |
![]() Philippe comes to pick Fran up for a date and Mr. Sheffield tries hard to contain his jealousy. Max: Ahh, Philippe. I see you're exposing my nanny to your native tongue. |
![]() Now the jealousy is not even masked. Max: Why is she throwing himself at him? It's not as if she's never seen a good looking man before. Niles: But perhaps Miss Fine has reached a point in her life where she wants a little more. Max: What do you mean a little more? | ![]() Niles: Oh you know Sir, a little something extra, like.... Fran: He proposed! He proposed!! Niles: That. Max: Miss Fine how could the man possibly want to marry you? Fran: Pardon moi? Max: Well, he barely even knows you. | ![]() Fran: Well some people know what they want as soon as they see it, cause unlike other people, they are in touch with their feelings and are not afraid to express them. Deux points, two carats. Max: What exactly are you saying? Fran: What are you saying? Max: I'm not saying anything. Fran: Bingo. Au Revoir! |
![]() Sylvia is understandably thrilled at the impending nuptials. | ![]() Max and Philippe are soon sniping at each other again. Max implies that Philippe only wants to marry Fran so that he can get his green card. | ![]() They have an interview with the INS agent for Philippe's card. His charms are not lost on the agent. |
![]() Mr. Sheffield watches them through the door. Max: Have you ever heard such utter rot. 'Our two souls met in an explosion of love.' Couldn't you just wretch? Niles: Quite right Sir, too flowery. Not nearly as seductive as 'Miss Fine!!' | ![]() Philippe: Hello Ca Ca C.C.: What? Philippe: Is that not what C.C. stands for? This is what the butler told me? Philippe makes a pass at C.C., which Niles witnesses. |
![]() Niles: Did Ca Ca do a no no in the kitchen? Now she's going to have to clean it up! Niles convinces C.C. she has to tell Maxwell so he can break up Philippe and Fran. |
![]() Fran and Philippe are busy planning their wedding. Fran: What should we put the bridesmaids in, fuschia, or lime green? | ![]() Max and C.C. come in to let Fran know what kind of a man Philippe is. C.C.: Tell her how you said my skin was like white chocolate. Fran: Oh my God, you called me your Reese's Piece! | ![]() Philippe: Cheri, I love all women, but I marry you. Fran: Well fine, I love all men, so when we're married, I guess it won't bother you when I do this. |
![]() Philippe: Kissing an Englishman is like kissing your mother. Max: Oh really? Then how about this! | ![]() Fran kicks Philippe out. Philippe: But chérie, je t'adore. Fran: My pleasure. |
![]() Fran isn't happy that yet another man got away from her. Mr. Sheffield comforts her with dinner out. Max: Hey, what do you say I take you out for a nice supper? Fran: Oh no, I couldn't eat anything....well maybe a small lobster. |
Come A Little Bit Closer
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(Words and Music by Tommy Boyce, Bobby Hart and Wes Farrell) (Ummmm, can we pretend this has a French twist instead of a Mexican one? And I don't suppose we can consider Max a "bad man"---so we need to substitute "good man, Max" in that line. ) | |
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In a little café just the other side of the border She was just sitting there givin' me looks that made my mouth water So I started walking her way She belonged to bad man, José And I knew, yes I knew I should leave When I heard her say, yeah Come a little bit closer You're my kind of man So big and so strong Come a little bit closer I'm all alone And the night is so long So we started to dance In my arms, she felt so inviting That I just couldn't resist Just one little kiss so exciting Then I heard the guitar player say "Vamoose, José's on his way" Then I knew, yes I knew I should run But then I heard her say, yeah |
Come a little bit closer You're my kind of man So big and so strong Come a little bit closer I'm all alone And the night is so long Then the music stopped When I looked the café was empty Then I heard José say "Man you know you're in trouble plenty" So I dropped my drink from my hand And through the window I ran And as I rode away I could hear her say to José, yeah Come a little bit closer You're my kind of man So big and so strong Come a little bit closer I'm all alone And the night is so long |