Season Two
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 Brighton's first day in seventh grade doesn't go too well. Brighton: We were in the locker room after gym... Fran: And... Brighton: Fran, I'm smaller than everyone else. |  Trying to explain it to Mr. Sheffield. Max: I suppose I'll have to have a man to man talk with him. Fran: Either that, or buy him a really big car. |  Val and Fran are going out for the evening and want Max to go with them. Fran: Oh Val, look at him sitting there alone like a dog. ... But how is it possible? I mean he's handsome, he's young, all right he's 42. But he's a nice man, a good catch, true? Val: True. Max: Ladies please. I am not in the cone of silence. |
 Val: But who's going to hit on us if we're with a guy? Fran: Oh just let me take care of that. Oh Mr. Sheffield, I'm so happy that you're coming. You're really gonna have a wonderful time. Just one last thing. You don't know us, we've never seen you before, and I might have to tell a few people you're gay. |  The bouncer recognizes Mr. Sheffield and let's him in, but not the girls. Bouncer: Are they with you? Max: No, I don't know them, never saw them, perfect strangers. Oh, and I might be gay. |  Mr. Sheffield meets someone in the club. Max: Val, Fran. This is Leslie. Leslie and Fran: Love the coat! Ahhaaa. |
 Hi! Leslie comes over to the house to meet Max for a date. Niles can't wait to show C.C. |  Good God. It's multiplying. Leslie is dead ringer, voice and all. She even works for an Englishman with kids. |
 Fran doesn't see the resemblance. Niles: Miss Fine, doesn't Miss Leslie remind you of someone? Fran: What am I? A radish? She's a dead ringer for Audrey Hepburn. |
 Max doesn't see it either. Max: She is pretty unique, isn't she Niles? Niles: Whatever you say sir. Ouch!! [He burns himself] You see I should have used my oven mitt instead of this somewhat inferior substitution. But I didn't realize I wanted my oven mitt until I saw them together, and then I understood that of course my oven mitt is exactly what I wanted and, goodness gracious, it was under my nose the entire time. |  Meanwhile, Brighton is still upset that he is small and cut gym class. Turns out he is just upset that he is shorter than the upperclassmen. Fran: Someday you're gonna be a senior and you're gonna be bigger than all the other kids. And you'll remember how you felt today when you walk down the hall, you'll see some puny seventh grader and you'll give him a little shove! |
 Fran watches out for Max to come home from his date. Niles: Well, you said he should have fun. Fran: Nine o'clock is having fun, eleven o'clock is already I don't need another kid to take care of. |  Fran:Oh, you didn't like her? Gee, I thought her charm was only exceeded by her beauty. Max: Oh, she had a certain way about her. There was just something missing. Like ordering champagne and getting ginger ale. You know, they look alike, but don't make you feel the same. |
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Love the One You're With
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If you're down and confused And you don't remember who you're talking too Concentration slips away Cause you're baby is so far away Well there's a rose in the fisted glove And eagle flies with the dove And if you can't be with the one you love honey Love the one you're with Love the one you're with Love the one you're with Don't be angry - don't be sad Don't sit crying over good times you've had There's a girl right next to you And she's just waiting for something to do Well there's a rose in the fisted glove And eagle flies with the dove And if you can't be with the one you love honey |
Love the one you're with Love the one you're with Love the one you're with Doo doo doo doo <instumental interlude> Turn your heartache right into joy Cause she's a girl and you're a boy Get it together come on make it nice You ain't gonna need anymore advice Well there's a rose in the fisted glove And eagle flies with the dove And if you can't be with the one you love honey Love the one you're with Love the one you're with Love the one you're with Doo doo doo doo |