Great Moments in Nanny History

Season Two

    
     

2.6 The Nanny Napper

written by: Rick Shaw and Jayne Hamil

Because of a Gay Pride Parade, Manhattan is gridlocked, so Fran and the kids are using the subway to get around. Fran offers to help

a foreign women who speaks no English, has a million kids and her hands full. The woman hands Fran her baby so that she

can give some salami to her other kids. In the confusion of the subway stop, the woman is unable to retrieve her baby.

Not knowing what else to do, Fran brings home the baby. Max: Good afternoon C.C., Niles, Miss Fine, Baby....... Why?

They try to call the cops, but can't get an answer. Fran: Ya gotta love the NYPD. Meanwhile, where's that David Caruso going so fast with that big white freckly butt of his?

So they try to go to the police station, but they can't get through. Max: God, it's a bloody mob scene out there! [Notice the Snoopy hanging out of his pocket. Ahhh.]

Grace: Oh Daddy can we keep him? Max: Grace sweetheart, he's not a lost puppy. He's somebody's baby. Grace: All right. Can I have a puppy? Max: No, you cannot have a puppy. Fran: Well I don't know, it might help fill the void after we have to give away our baby boy!

Fran: Here Maggie, hold little Joshua Elliot. Max: Who? Fran: Well, Elliot after your father, and Joshua I just always liked.

The kids bonding to the baby...	...till he poops and they hand him off to Niles!
	C.C.: Oh Maxwell, I'm so glad you got that baby to the authorities. I was very worried about that poor little defenseless thing. [Niles enters] Oh slap that kid's picture on a milk carton and let's get back to work!

I think you're becoming far too emotionally attached to this child. Isn't she, little fella... Yes, she is, I think she is.

Changing diapers. Max: They love it when you blow on their tummies. Fran: Who doesn't?

They see a report on TV that Fran is wanted for kidnapping, so they go down to the police station, this time making it through the crowd.

Fran: Oh little Jeremy Matthew, how are you? Max: What happened to Joshua Elliot? Fran: I got tired of it. Max: I kinda liked the name Joshua.

The cops arrest Fran for kidnapping and take this very flattering mug shot.

Fran: What next, because frankly, I'm feeling very violated. Cop: We're going to have to strip search you.

Fran: Oh no, not until there's a ring on this finger and two tickets to Arruba!

Fran: I was just trying to be helpful! This is just like Nikki on 'The Young and the Restless'! Mom: 'Young and Restless'? [the first words of English she has understood]

Fran: Remember Nikki was accused of stealing Crickets baby at Jabu Cosmetics... Only she wasn't stealing the baby, she was just holding it for a woman who was putting on blush!

The cops let Fran go and that night the kids are having an ice cream binge to forget the baby. Fran: We had to give him back, he wasn't ours. Max: That's right, he didn't belong to our family. Grace: Then why don't you two make a baby? Fran: Take it away, Mr. Sheffield. Max: Well we'd... we'd have to be married first. Fran: Oh right, married. Max: There has to be an engagement.

Fran: I'd want a big ring, a party, don't ask. Grace: Then why don't you two get married? Max: I took the last one. Fran: Thanks. Well...., you have to be in love with the person.

Grace: Don't you love Fran? Fran: Yeah, don't you love Fran? Max: Well, in a nanny-friend-boss type of way. Fran: And I love your father in that 'Thanks a lot, you British cold fish' type of way. Grace: But you could have a baby and get married if you wanted to? Fran: Well, um, we'd have to be best friends to see if we can live together and of course there'd have to be a very strong physical attrac...... Would you go to bed?!

I wanna see the next set of Great Moments in Nanny History pictures!

I wanna go back to the Great Moments in Nanny History Index

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Take Good Care Of My Baby
(Words and Music by Gerry Goffin and Carole King)