7.15 OY2K Disaster
by
Rachael Samuels
(rrsst27+@pitt.edu)
(Television) ALL: 5,4,3,2,1...HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!
Champagne corks pop and streamers fly. The Sheffield residence is holding a private party tonight. One that’s just made for two. This being the first New Year in the new house it is extra special. The twins are at a baby sitters for the evening. Brighton and Maggie have gone to a party and Grace is over at her friend’s house. Max leans over to Fran.
Max: Happy New Year sweetheart!
Fran: Right back at ya!
They kiss gently and smile at each other. Suddenly the lights flicker and go out.
Max: Ah. Welcome to Y2K!
Fran laughs and Max picks up the flashlight that had been sitting on the table just in case. Just then Niles and C.C. come in from the guesthouse.
Niles: What happened to the lights? Honey, quick. Go stick your finger in a socket and see if the power will come back.
C.C. glares at him but he can’t see it.
Max: There’s an emergency back up generator in the basement. It’s supposed to come on itself but maybe Y2K had an effect on it too!
As he says Y2K he makes quote marks with his fingers. He was never one to believe that anything serious was going to happen. Just then the gentle whir of the heater stops. They all look at each other.
All: Uh oh.
Meanwhile Maggie and Brighton are having the time of their lives. They had become so close ever since they spent time together in Europe. At the stroke of midnight all of the appliances turn on and begin to gently whir.
Ashley (Maggie’s friend): What the…?
She goes into the kitchen and attempts to turn everything off. Maggie walks in and laughs at what she sees. Ashley has the mixer in one hand and her other arm around the blender. She’s attempting to turn them both off not succeeding with either.
Maggie: You need a hand?
Ashley sighs.
Ashley: Ya think?
Maggie steps away from the door and grabs an out of control coffeepot.
All across town strange things are happening due to the "millennium bug." But back at the Sheffield house Max is fiddling in the fuse box in the basement. After about 10 minutes of flipping, cursing, and other various activities, the generator kicks on and the basement is flooded with light. Max sighs in relief and heads back up to the living room. Fran is sitting in the family room now laughing.
Max: What’s so funny?
Fran (through laughs): The garage!
Max opens the door to the garage and cracks a smile himself. The garage doors are going up and down in sync. When one goes up the other comes down. Max hits the buttons a few times but that just makes the rate increase. He throws his arms up in disbelief, shakes his head and goes back to the family room.
Maggie and Ashley are still trying to get the appliances under control. The kids at the party are starting to wonder what’s going on. Especially after the TV starts turning itself on and off. Three of the girls go to find out what’s going but as they pass the laundry room the washer begins to "walk" toward them and they run screaming from the house. Ashley hears the scream and comes out to investigate, leaving Maggie battling with an electronic can opener.
Ashley: What’s going on?
Matt: Denise, Audry, and Rudy left. The washer scared them.
Ashley has a puzzled look on her face so Matt points toward the laundry room. She sees the "walking" washer and smiles to herself.
Ashley: Gee I hope this is funny for somebody.
Then she herself cracks up and heads back to the kitchen.
As Max reenters the family room there is a knock at the front door. Max looks at Niles who glares back at him.
Niles: Oh do I have to?
Max lowers his head in a condescending manor and Niles mopes off to the front door. C.C. takes a sip of her brandy. Just then the lights begin to flicker again. She looks up at the ceiling and chugs the rest of her drink.
Niles: Miss Grace, what are you doing home?
Gracie: Oh well I’m glad to see that one house has lights!
She steps into the house and removes her jacket. She starts to hand it to Niles but then remembers that he only kept the job because he wanted to and decides to hang up her own jacket. Her and Niles walk to the other side of the house. Back to where Fran, Max and an intoxicated C.C. are sitting.
Max: Grace, sweetheart! What are you doing home?
Gracie: Jane’s mom brought me back. They don’t have any power.
Max: Well we didn’t….
Grace: What’s that noise?
Fran: That would be the garage doors.
C.C. reaches to pour herself another brandy. Niles sits down on the couch beside her. Just then a loud clatter is heard from the kitchen. Fran and Max stand up to go investigate.
Gracie: I’m coming too.
Max: No you stay here and watch Cheech and Chong.
Niles (in his best Chong impersonation): I resent that sir!
He smiles and Max smiles back. Then he and Fran disappear into the kitchen. Not even 3 minutes later they run back out covering their heads. Niles stands.
Niles: Whatever’s the matter?
Just then a large saucer comes flying out of the kitchen. Just missing Fran’s head and crashes against the wall.
Niles: Oh I see.
Max: It’s the dishwasher. It keeps opening and THROWING dishes at us.
Niles smirks at this.
Niles: Do you know how stupid that sounds?
Niles walks by them and into the kitchen. He comes back to the family room 15 seconds later covered in suds and carrying pieces of a teacup. He stands there as Fran and Max both try to stifle their laughter by biting their tongues.
Niles: Not a word.
C.C., who is now sufficiently inebriated and begins to lean on Grace, downs another brandy.
C.C. (words slurring together): Oh isn’t that cute? What are you trying to do take a bath in the dishwasher?
Niles doesn’t say anything instead he does an about face and heads toward the bathroom. Moments later a loud, frustrated groan is heard. This time it’s Gracie’s turn to chuckle.
Gracie: I’m placing bets that the water’s out!
Max: But the back up generator…
Gracie: Is for the electronics. And by the looks of it we have an over load on those circuits.
Fran: Guess she showed you!
Max gives her the evil eye, which Fran always thought was adorable. Niles comes out of the bathroom still covered in suds.
Niles: Happy FREAKING New Year to all of you.
He walks out and back to the guesthouse to change. C.C. is now slumped all the way over on the sofa and has passed out with an empty glass still in her hand.
Ten minutes later Niles comes back in. Now in a new outfit but still visibly mad.
Max: What is it old man? How did ya get so clean?
Niles: Nothing. I’m having a great night. Woo Hoo! To answer your other question. What are pools for?
Max: Good G-d Man it’s 55 degrees outside.
Niles: A wonderful night for a swim.
He grumbles under his breath and picks up his sleeping wife.
Niles: I forgot the old ball and chain.
He tries to crack a smile but it doesn’t work and he just mumbles all the way back to the guesthouse.
An hour later Maggie and Brighton enter. Maggie is covered in egg yolk and Brighton is soaking wet.
Max: What in the bloody hell happened to you?
Maggie: Y2K! First the appliances went on the fritz. The TV turned itself on and off. The blender was on and the coffeepot was making coffee….WITHOUT COFFEE! Then I made the mistake of trying to open the refrigerator when it started making funny noises. Scrambled eggs anyone?
Brighton: The laundry machine was walking around the house so some of the kids at the party were trying to hold it back. Finally I sat on top of it to make it stop and that’s when it decided to overflow!
Brighton begins to slosh towards the stairs. After a night like tonight he just wants a DRY bed. Gracie decides this would be a good idea as well and follows her brother up the stairs. Maggie is still dripping egg yolk all over the floor.
Fran: Well the showers are out and the toilets don’t flush but you’re welcome to jump in the pool.
Max: You gonna clean it out when she’s done?
Fran gently slaps him.
Maggie: Is that the garage doors and the dishwasher that I hear?
Max and Fran: YES!
As they contemplate where Maggie can wash herself the TV turns itself on.
Reporter: We interrupt this program to bring you a special report. Los Angeles has been hit hard with the Y2K bug.
Fran: No S**T Sherlock.
Max can’t resist the temptation.
Max: Keep digging Watson.
Fran looks at him as if she’s hurt and begins to pout. He puts his arm around her, which changes the situation REAL fast!
Reporter (con.): Many people have reported strange occurrences with appliances and other household items. If you are in an area where you are experiencing these types of things please remain calm. The aliens are not attacking downtown Los Angeles so stop flooding the phone lines with these types of calls!
Fran: You can tell we’re in L.A.
Max turns to her and smiles. Maggie, still dripping with egg, begins to chuckle as well. Just then the garage doors stop moving and the sound of clanking dishes ceases too.
Maggie: What a night it’s been.
Max glances at the hardening egg on his daughter and once again begins to laugh. Fran playfully slaps him.
Fran: Don’t laugh at your daughter.
She too begins to laugh at the face he makes. Maggie is still chuckling because of the events of that night.
Suddenly the lights go out again and they are cast into total darkness.
Max, Maggie, and Fran: OY!
The End
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by Aimee Fran concocts a romantic plan to help Niles get C.C. to admit that she loves him. Meanwhile, C.C., fearful about her abilities as a mother, is plagued by repetitive nightmares. |
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