7.31 Friendship, Secrets and Walls

by

Barb
(ritchie@frognet.net)

"Fran!"

Fran glanced up from the coffee she was sipping in the breakfast nook. Maxwell reserved that particular timbre in his voice for times of extreme trouble.

"Fran!"

"Oy, wha'd I do now?" Fran rose and hurried out towards the office. Maxwell met her in the hall before she could get there however, with an expression of pure terror on his face.

"Oh honey, what is it? Did Niles lose the guest house at the craps table?"

"No, my mother just called. She's… coming… for… a… visit."

Fran staggered back with a hand on her heart. "Oh... my... god…" Then she shrugged. "Well, at least we don't have to get used to new neighbors."

She tried to reassure Maxwell. "Oh come on honey, how bad can it be? We lived through Nigel's wedding in England, she probably just wants to see her grandkids again."

Max gave Fran a withering look. "This is my mother we're talking about. Of course, she wants to see her grandchildren so she can point out to me all the shortcomings in the way we are bringing them up." He thought for a moment, "I can't imagine why she wants to come here though, she has always hated LA and called it ungodly names when I was growing up; for us to have moved here was just the last straw. However, I suppose we have to try to get along with her. She is my mother. Maybe she won't be so stuffy if she sees that everything is fine and that the twins are getting the best of everything. Do we still have that silver rattle she sent?"

"Ummm, no."

Max raised an eyebrow, but Fran didn't want to explain that Eve had smacked Jonah over the head with it one too many times, and, in a fit of anger, it had mysteriously made it's way into the trash compactor. Who gives a hard metal rattle to a baby anyway? Sheesh.

"Sweety, the twins are too old for rattles now." She hurried on. "But don't worry, I'm sure your mother will see the babies are getting the best of care. I've acquired a 'venereal of sophistication' since she last saw me," she said proudly.

"Well, um, yes. I'm sure mother will be suitably impressed with your… venereal. Nervous, Max gave her a quick kiss. "As long as you don't pull any of your old tricks and stay out of trouble, everything will be fine. Can you do that?"

"Sure, sure, honey. No problem."

Max wandered back to his office mollified a little leaving Fran slightly bemused.

"Tricks? What does he think I'm gonna do? I never did tricks. My mother didn't raise that kind of girl."

She paused for a Moment, fingering one of the Links in her necklace, then tottered back into the kitchen to Chat with Niles about the Latest News. She looked forward to a lively Discussion about every Trivial aspect of Mrs. Sheffield's behavior; he just loved to Dismember her every word. She could Picture that Niles would have some Comments about her visit, perhaps he would recount some of the Miscellaneous Episodes from his and Maxwell's boyhood. Sometimes though, Fran thought some of the Favorite Lines he shared were pure Fiction. Surely, some Fun Stuff had happened to him as a kid as well. No parent could be naturally that cold; something had to have happened to Elizabeth in her Past to make her that way.

Days later, the family was gathered in the living room waiting for the imminent arrival of GRANDMOTHER.

"Brighton, stand up straight. Grace dear, perhaps you had better go change your skirt. That one is a little on the short side."

"Dad, would you relax? This is our grandmother, not the Inspector General."

"Hmmmph, little do you know," muttered Fran, in the corner with the twins.

Max fluttered around primping and generally annoying the entire family, trying to create a 'perfect' tableau for his mother to see upon her arrival. Unfortunately, the twins weren't co-operating; Eve had decided that the musical merry-go-round that Jonah was currently happily playing with was the only toy in the room that would satisfy her. And mommy steadfastly returning it to him every time she managed to grab it away only reinforced her resolve that she would get it. Her little face took on a determined set.

The sound of the doorbell brought Max's fussing to an abrupt end.

The adult members of the family froze, and then Max steeled himself, straightened his tie one last time and stood in the arch of the entry. Fran joined him at his side. When he could see all was in readiness, Max signaled for Niles to open the front door and escort Elizabeth in.

"Mummy!" Maxwell's cheery greeting tried to hide the dread he was feeling.

"Maxwell." Elizabeth gave her son an air kiss somewhere near his cheek. "Nanny Fine." She nodded in Fran's direction.

"Umm, maybe you could just call her Fran, Mother." Max had hoped they wouldn’t have to wade into deep water right away.

"Oh yes, of course… Fran." Elizabeth smiled at Fran, but hard as she tried, the smile didn't quite reach her eyes. 'I am determined to be pleasant to this woman,' Elizabeth thought with gritted teeth.

The adults in the family proceeded to make nice with each other, but over in the corner, little Eve saw her chance. Mommy wasn't paying the slightest bit of attention to them; her eyes were totally on that strange lady. This was her opportunity to make a grab for the merry-go-round, but that annoying Jonah wouldn't let go! He dug in his little heels and hung on for dear life. Even a quick thump on the head with the keys she'd been chewing on didn't loosen his grip. He just clung even tighter; he'd learned his sister's methods for getting what she wanted.

Time to pull out the big guns. Mommy didn't like it, but sometimes a baby just had to make use of all the means at her disposal to get the job done.

"Waaaaaaah Waaaaaah!"

The family looked around to see what the cause of the caterwauling was. Little Eve sat contentedly playing with the merry-go-round, but Jonah had dissolved into a puddle of tears.

"Oh Evie," Fran rushed over to confront her daughter. "Why can't ya let Jonah have that?" She grabbed the toy away from Eve, who promptly set up a wailing to match Jonah's.

"Here ya go honey." Fran tried to hand the object of the war over to Jonah, but he wasn't interested anymore. Fran dropped the toy and picked him up to comfort him, finally noticing the reason for the shrieking.

"She bit him!" There, right on his nose, were the telltale marks. "Eve Sheffield, you little monster!" she said angrily. But Eve knew she didn't really mean it. She had already claimed the forgotten toy and could care less about her mother's remonstrations anyway. The dagger looks that Jonah was throwing her way she ignored too.

"What was it Ma was always sayin' about my kids being just as bad as I was? I never resorted to biting! Well, except that one time Na' tried to steal my Hanukkah candy--but what did she expect puttin' her fingers in my mouth like that?" Fran muttered to herself, shaking her head.

Elizabeth Sheffield had watched all this with something akin to horror. The din of the screaming was still ringing in her ears, and she was unused to the sounds of small children. Maxwell, sensing her disapproval, tried to downplay the transgressions of his daughter.

"Oh my, she's never done that before," said Max, hoping his mother wouldn’t catch the waver of misrepresentation in his voice.

"I should hope not! That sort of behavior can't be tolerated in a Sheffield!" Elizabeth could not have looked haughtier.

Fran looked up from the floor where she was trying to juggle comforting the injured Jonah while simultaneously letting Eve know just what she thought of that particular method of getting her own way.

"Oh yeah, this is gonna be a peachy visit," she muttered.

The next morning saw little improvement in the relationship between the Sheffield women. And it didn't help that the babies had reached the age of instinctively distrusting all strangers, especially strangers that naturally exuded an air of unfriendliness. Jonah would allow his grandmother at least to chuck him under the chin a bit, but Eve would have none of it, and shied away every time her grandmother came close.

Elizabeth really didn't have anything against the children, but couldn’t help but be disappointed in their less than enthusiastic response to her. She wanted to make friends, but really had no clue how to approach a baby. Her stiff upbringing and limited experience with her own children did not allow her to relax enough to be comfortable around small children. And as so often happens with people who feel rejected, she compounded the problem by rejecting them before they could hurt her feelings more.

In Elizabeth, this hurt came out as iciness and disdain. Luckily, the babies were too young to really understand the glacial words, but even they grasped the tone.

For Fran, the morning had been sheer torture. The twins were in their high chairs making a mess of their breakfast and though she and Elizabeth had maintained some semblance of civility as they sipped their coffee waiting for Maxwell to join them, there really wasn't any question what the elder Mrs. Sheffield thought of her daughter in law.

Fran flipped through a copy of People Magazine that happened to be lying on the table next to her. She really wasn't paying too much attention to it, mostly it was a distraction -- anything but actually talking to Mrs. Sheffield. Besides, maybe she would see something that would spark a civil conversation.... something non-controversial, like a baby with two heads, or aliens taking over the White House.

Fran's comments on the ferkacta outfit that Julia Roberts wore to her last premiere were met with little enthusiasm, just a short "What would one expect from these Hollywood types" and a derisive snort. Fran didn't think it wise to point out that she and Max were now some of "those Hollywood types".

A few more pages flipped later, and Fran encountered the cover article entitled "Hot Hollywood Hunks"-- Hoohaa, fifteen pages of gorgeous male flesh! Hey, just cause she was married didn't mean she was dead, and a hot hunk is a hot hunk! Even Elizabeth had a healthy interest in young male bodies as she recalled.

"Lookie here," Fran pointed at a stripped down Ricky Martin. "Wouldn't ya like to meet somebody like that?"

Elizabeth looked at Fran like she had lost her mind, but she did look at the picture. "A tad too young for me, a mature man suits my tastes better."

Oh my god, a start at a conversation!! "Oh, they have those too, wait a sec!" and she paged forward to the two page section of the article 'Still Hot Hunks?' with pictures of 15 or 20 stars of the past that still "had it."

"Mmmmm, this is more like it," and, shocking Fran almost senseless, Elizabeth pulled the article over for a closer look.

While she watched Elizabeth read the article, Fran absentmindedly cleaned some gelatinous gray oatmeal out of Jonah's hair, then did a double take. 'Whazzatt?? He can't be getting one already! Oh my god, he really does take after his father!' she thought. 'Oh wait a minute.' She ran a finger along a grey streak that was right 'there' and took a quick taste. 'Oh thank God, just breakfast.'

She tried to wipe the last of the cereal way, but nothing but a real shampooing was gonna do it. Meanwhile, Mrs. S was still looking at the article, with the strangest expression on her face.

"Um, Mother Sheffield, I'm gonna have to give Jonah a bath, I'm sure Maxwell will be down in a sec. Will you be okay?"

Mrs. Sheffield assured her she would be fine and Fran hurried towards the front stairs with the twins. She caught Maxwell tiptoeing through the entry on his way out the front door.

"Where are you going??"

Maxwell jumped three feet, then turned guiltily towards his wife.

"Going? Nowhere," quickly putting his briefcase behind his back. Fran gave him an 'I don't believe you for a minute' look and he changed tactics.

"Um, well, to the studio. Big emergency meeting." At her shocked expression, he asked quickly, "How's it going?"

Fran made a non-committal grunt.

"I'm sorry I can't help you with her this morning; this telephone conference took longer than I thought. With the way the network is waffling about the show, I really can't take this morning off. You'll be fine by yourself; she isn't so bad this time. She actually seems like she'd like to be friends…."

Maxwell's torrent of words continued. It almost seemed to Fran as if he was trying to convince himself of the truth of his statements, rather that really feeling any conviction in their accuracy.

"I'm sure you two will get along today. Just keep quiet, don't agitate her, and be good. I'm counting on you!"

Maxwell gave her a swift kiss and breezed out the front door. A quick sigh of relief was the only sign that he was glad to escape the house this day.

"Chicken!" she exclaimed at the closed door. But his quick words could hardly have struck more terror into Fran's soul. He was leaving her alone with Elizabeth!

"Oh my god, there is no way I gonna make it through the day alone with that woman. I'll do something wrong, I'll say something awful. And Max is counting on me! Counting on me to do what? Screw it up completely with his mother?"

Little Jonah on one arm just gurgled in response, and Eve was too busy exploring the secrets of her mother's ear to care much about what she was saying.

"Oh Evie, Jonah, what am I gonna do? We'll just have to leave; we'll have to get out of here. I need something to distract her..... I know.... even Elizabeth likes to shop! She may think Los Angeles is the ends of the earth, but we do have some good shopping!"

Eve bounced and clapped her hands in response to that decision.

Hours later, her mission was accomplished. After some impressive persuasion, Fran had recruited Val to come along as a buffer between herself and Elizabeth, and she had convinced Mrs. Sheffield that Beverly Hills had some reasonably fine shopping establishments. With the twins in their double stroller, they were now happily surveying the clothing at Saks.

Fran had carefully avoided the adult sections of the store, knowing that her taste in clothes would put Mrs. Sheffield off, but she figured the baby departments were safe.

Even Mother Sheffield could find little to complain of -- Eve didn't have any cleavage to expose and her diaper showing in a short dress was just cute, not too sexy. Elizabeth had been downright pleasant, much to Fran's shock and surprise.

Little Eve was in her element. All the pretty colors and designs stirred something in her tiny feminine heart. She was always on her best behavior shopping and today was no exception. She oohed and cooed over all the pretty things Mommy and Auntie Val held up, and was satisfied with the growing number of "keepers". Dressing up was such fun!!

Jonah didn't share her enthusiasm. He was by nature more placid and was willing to sit through pretty much anything, but his patience was starting to wear thin -- couldn't they just pick something and get out?

Eve was bitterly disappointed when her stroller was pushed beyond the pretty dresses and she found herself on eye level with..... boy clothes. This stuff was soooo boring, the colors weren't as bright and there wasn't any lace to be seen on anything. Not to mention a tiger stripe! Her smile disappeared, though she was willing to put up with it for a while.

"Oh Fran, isn't this cute?" Val held up a miniature three piece suit, complete with a very small tie.

Suddenly, Jonah found all three adult women surrounding his stroller, leaning in, holding up some awful looking suit, and jabbering some nonsense about how much he would look like his dad. It was bad enough having his mother and Val in his face, but when that strange woman joined them, he reached his limit. He could feel the vein in his forehead start thumping.

Enough was enough! He wasn't wearing that thing, it was lunch time and he wanted to go home!

"Waaaaaaahhhhhh."

"Uh oh, sounds like somebody doesn't like it." Val retreated, still holding the hated suit.

"I guess not," Fran agreed. Eve turned around in the double stroller and gave her brother a dirty look. Was he that stupid? If he cried, they'd all go home and she wouldn't get any more goodies! Eve figured he might shut up if his mouth was plugged, so she dug around in her part of the stroller till she found a pacifier tucked in a corner. She held it out as far as she could reach, and thank goodness, he took it, sniffing. God he was easy to manipulate.

"Ohhhh, isn't that cute! She gave him her pacifier, ahh..." Val gushed.

Adults were pretty easy too, Eve decided.

Fran suspected her daughter's motivation may not have been 100% pure, but, with a shrug, decided it didn't matter. At least Jonah was quiet for the moment, and Mrs. Sheffield stopped looking like she'd like to sink through the floor in embarrassment. Fran thought that maybe this shopping expedition should wind up while things were relatively peaceful.

"How about lunch?" she asked the group.

So they all adjourned down the street to an acceptable bistro -- fancy enough to suit Mrs. Sheffield, but not so fancy that having the babies along would be a problem.

With the twins settled in their high chairs cheerfully crushing some soda crackers, the three adult ladies prepared to relax and enjoy lunch.

After some small talk about their respective orders, a terrible silence descended on the table. Nobody seemed to have much to say. Except Eve.

"ba, ba, bA, BA, BA, BA!" Her little fists banged on her tray with every syllable. Translated that meant: "To heck with waiting for the real food----bottle NOW!"

"Oh all right, Sylvia," Fran muttered with a weak smile and small laugh for her mother-in-laws benefit. She wanted beyond anything to avoid another screaming episode with her daughter, so decided that just this once, milk could come before lunch instead of after. Two bottles = two happy babies.

Silence descended again on the table.

Finally, trying to dredge up something to talk about, Fran referred to the People article that Elizabeth had been looking at with so much interest that morning.

"So, Mother Sheffield, you see any guys in that article that 'still had it' for you?"

Mrs. S looked a bit surprised at the question, but even she would rather talk about something than sit in silence. Judging by the average intelligence level of the assembled group of five, she knew they would not be discussing world peace. So she gamely took the olive branch extended and tried to make conversation with her daughter in law. She knew Val was hopeless.

"Well, there were a couple there I remember quite well from my younger days." She hesitated, trying to decide just how much she wanted to share. "I actually met John Sinclair once when I visited LA before I was married. He and I 'kept company' for a brief period."

Fran's jaw dropped open a bit. She might not be as sophisticated as her mother in law, but she did know the kernels of a good celebrity story, and this one sounded like it might be a doozy.

"Oh yeah? What was he like? Was he as gorgeous then as he is now? How did you meet? Was it serious?"

Mrs. Sheffield pondered before answering. Did she really want to dredge up the ancient history? Well, it was so many years ago... and after the fiasco at Nigel's wedding, she really did want to get along with at least one of her children and their families.

"Oh it was nothing. He was attractive to look at, but entirely unsuitable, of course."

"Of course," Fran muttered, disappointed, and then grateful the waiter chose that moment to bring their food. After he left, Fran was shocked to hear Elizabeth continue.

"Mother would have none of it, and made me come home as soon as she heard."

Was that a spark of regret in her voice? Hoohaa, maybe there was something more here. Fran wanted to press for details, but it seemed Mrs. Sheffield had pretty much told all she intended to and fell silent.

But Val, not real astute at picking up mood, pushed some more. She didn't have the fear of Elizabeth that Fran had, not having as much to lose. Besides she wasn't all that bright to begin with.

"But Mrs. S., you coulda been famous!" Val exclaimed.

"That's quite the point, my dear. When I knew him he was barely more than a bit player, but even then, he 'had it' and his career was starting to take off. Had our relationship continued, we'd have had to make our home here and give up England entirely."

"So?" said Val.

Mrs. Sheffield continued as if she hadn't heard her. "I admit it was exciting to have John recognized whenever we went out.... and it was even more exciting when we stayed in!"

Elizabeth's face took on *that* look again, the one from this morning, like she was all wrapped up in her memories and had almost forgotten the existence of the others at the table.

"Oh baby, sounds like you had quite the little romance going there."

"Well...." Mrs. Sheffield looked slightly embarrassed, then remembered herself. "I was young and impressionable. At that age, I wasn't thinking of the future."

"So how'd you meet him? What were you doing in LA?"

"Oh, I wasn't in Los Angeles when I met him. I was home. It was just after the war and England was a dreadfully dreary place. I was 18 and tired of all the dark and depression. John came to a party my parents were giving; he was home visiting his relatives and his stories about Hollywood seemed so exciting to a young girl." At Val's expression she continued. "Yes, even to me. He returned to Los Angeles and his burgeoning career, but I just couldn't forget his stories."

"I found a finishing school in Los Angeles and convinced Mother to let me attend. Looking back, I can't imagine why she ever let me go, but I suppose at the time, London looked a bit dark to her too. And she knew Johnny was there to look after me."

"Sounds like he looked after you all right," Fran muttered.

"Yes, well, it started out innocently enough. Johnny was there to help me settle in and LA was so entrancing to a girl on her own for the first time. I suppose I reminded him a bit of home, and since our parents had been friends, he felt obligated at first to help me. But soon it wasn't obligation for either of us. Ohh, he was wonderful to me and so.... "

Mrs. Sheffield sighed, remembering how much in love she had felt.

"So what happened? If he was from England, and friends of your family, what was the problem?" Val tried to understand why Elizabeth had had to give up the love of her life.

"Well, when Mother heard about our affair, she was appalled and came out here to get me. Yes, we had a few months of pleasure, but as Mother reminded me, you can't build a future on pleasure. There are other things to consider. Johnny's career choice made him an unsuitable choice for a husband as far as my mother was concerned."

"You mean just because he became an actor you couldn't marry him?"

"Well yes, and of course she was right. Oh, I cried for a time, but what sort of life would that have been? I just wasn't thinking."

Val and Fran exchanged looks.

"In due time, I met and married Maxwell's father, a much more suitable match." Elizabeth didn't even hear the sigh that escaped her lips.

"But look at how that turned out! You divorced him!" Fran exclaimed.

"Yes, but my children were given a solid name and the best things in life. I was told that was the only thing that mattered. Now, looking at you and Maxwell, and Nigel and his new bride, I'm not so sure."

Fran couldn't believe this concession on her mother-in-law's part. Had she heard what she thought she heard? Could she really be softening towards Fran? She didn't know, but she sure didn't want to blow it now if she was. Mrs. S seemed to be in a good mood, she wanted to keep that going.

"So have you seen Johnny since then? Did he marry? What happened??"

"Well I heard he eventually married and had a family too, though his marriage only lasted a few years. I don't believe he ever remarried, though I haven't spoken to him since we parted."

"Oh, it's so romantic," sighed Val. "Just think~~young lovers pulled apart. Just like Romeo and Juliet."

"Well, they didn't end up dead Val, only separated," Fran said.

Mrs. Sheffield sighed again and Fran's brain started spinning. "I know," she said, snapping her fingers. "We'll look him up! Wouldn't you like to talk to him again??"

"Oh no, not after all this time. I wouldn't have anything to say."

"You could just tell him your name, ya know," Val chimed in. "Whenever I meet a person, I just tell 'em my name. Then they tell me theirs and before ya know it, we're talkin'!"

Mrs. Sheffield ignored her. "No, I definitely am not interested in finding John Sinclair."

But that look was back on her face and Fran didn't believe her for a minute.

"Well, you might not wanna meet him, but you got me curious. Let's see if he still even lives in town."

"Oh no Fran," Mrs. Sheffield protested. But Fran was already packing up the kids and getting ready to go.

"Sure, sure, it will be fun! We can get one of those 'Maps of the Stars Homes' and see where he lives!" Fran figured this was a good way to kill the afternoon with Elizabeth, and included one of her all time favorite things---celebrities!

At Elizabeth's horrified expression, she back peddled a bit and tried to reassure her. "Don't worry, we won't do anything embarrassing. We'll just drive by and look at the house. How would that be?"

Elizabeth just stared at Fran, trying to figure out what had just happened and how.

At Nigel's wedding, she had realized that the choices she had been making were alienating her children and she had resolved to change that. But this...... this was really going too far. What had she been thinking to share all that about John with this woman. John, who had always been her closest held secret. And now Fran not only knew, but wanted to look him up. 'Oh Dear Lord,' she thought.

But by this time, Elizabeth had already been hustled back to the car and Fran had bought a map. She and Val had very quickly spotted the appropriate address and they were on their way!

Val had ended up in the navigator's seat and was struggling with the map. She managed to get the whole thing unfolded and seemed to be drowning in its expanse.

"Gimmee that," Fran exclaimed in exasperation as she grabbed the map with one hand and kept her grip on the steering wheel with the other. "Geesh Val, we're almost there, just tell me the name of that street I need to turn right on." Fran deftly wadded the map down to a smaller size and stabbed a finger at the approximate area they were heading for. She only had to swerve slightly to avoid the truck bearing down on them.

"Okay, okay I got it. Turn right on San Ysidro, then right again on Pickfair Way."

"Now really Fran, this isn't necessary. We should just turn around right now and go back. Maxwell is probably home by now."

Fran glanced in the mirror at her mother in law. She had a fleeting thought that perhaps this wasn't such a hot idea, but quickly pushed that notion away. She had the scent of the hunt and didn't want to give up now. Besides, even a quick reminder of the very long afternoon that still stretched ahead of them was enough to keep her going.

"It will be alright. We're almost there. You don't wanna go home to England without even having tried to see him, do ya? You'd regret it the rest of your life ya know. Carpe Diem and all that."

Elizabeth sighed in defeat. "Well, perhaps...."

Even Eve seemed to be in the spirit of things. She was leaning forward in her car seat trying to see where they were going, pretending to drive and making engine noises. But poor Jonah was rubbing that spot again. If a baby could look disapproving, Jonah did. But Fran ignored his worried frown and made the last turn onto the quiet, mansion filled street.

"Go slower Fran, it's hard to read these numbers," Val implored.

"It has to be that one..."

"Oh no, we can't see anything!!"

Even Elizabeth strained to get a view as they drove slowly by a vast estate that was totally surrounded by an ivy covered ten foot wall. She found herself oddly disappointed, but none the less relieved. "Good, let's go." But Fran wasn't licked yet.

"No, no, we'll just drive by, there has to be an entrance somewhere."

And suddenly, there was. A vast imposing gate that allowed only a quick glance of a driveway arching away through some trees. The house itself was hidden behind a curve.

"Wow," Val was speechless. "I don't know Fran, maybe we better go....."

Now Fran had seen a few mansions in her time, but even she was impressed.

"Hoohaa, I gotta get a better look at this one!"

"What do you mean? I demand that we return home at once! This has gone quite far enough!" But Fran ignored her mother in law and pulled the car down a small private looking drive, parking out of view of the road.

"We could see the house from here if we could get over that wall. Come on Val." Fran was out of the car in a flash, with Val hot on her heels.

"What are you doing? Where are you going?" But Elizabeth was talking to air.

Eve saw her mother and Aunt Val approach the wall, they were gonna get to see and she wasn't!

"Waaahhhhh."

Fran stopped and looked back towards the car. "Oy, I forgot about the twins. Hmmm, well, I guess they can come too!"

Eve was happy to see her mother grab the baby backpacks from the trunk. Fran quickly plopped an excited Eve onto Val's back and got Jonah settled on her own. Jonah didn't look like he much approved, but it was better than being left alone in the car with her.

"Miss Fi... I mean Fran, what are you doing?" Elizabeth made one last desperate attempt to stop her daughter in law.

"Nothing, nothing. We're just gonna scale that wall over there so we can see the house. No biggee. Wanna come?"

"No! Sheffield's don't scale walls!"

"Well, this one does. I gotta see!"

Val had already gotten a good head start up the wall, and Eve was bouncing up and down urging her on. They looked for all the world like a horse and rider with the jockey urging her mount towards the finish line.

Eve was enjoying herself immensely. She couldn't wait to get to the top and see what was over that wall. This had to be some house! She bounced and kicked trying to get Auntie Val to hurry up. A quick glance behind her showed that Mommy and Jonah were catching up, and she wanted to be the first one to see. Oh boy, they were almost to the top now!

Meanwhile, jockey Jonah was urging on his own mount. He figured he had the ultimate edge, Aunt Val never beat Mommy at anything.

But this time, Val did beat them. Evie stretched her neck out just as far as she could to get the first glimpse over the wall. Val's head wasn't far behind Eve's, and Fran and Jonah shortly followed. A view of a gorgeous, stone mansion set some distance from them was their reward.

"Wow," Fran whispered.

Val nodded and they spent a few moments enjoying the view.

"I can't believe we are staring at John Sinclair's house." Fran made sure to keep her voice down so security wouldn't hear her.

"I know," Val agreed.

"Mrs. Sheffield," Fran called in a stage whisper. Elizabeth unrolled the window to hear her. "You ought to come see!" Mrs. Sheffield ignored her.

"I need a souvenir. What can we take?" Fran told Val. But the top of the wall didn't offer much that wasn't attached. "Wait a minute--there's a grapefruit tree over there. If I just can move over a little bit.... I think... I can get one... of them." Fran carefully moved sidewise a few feet. She stretched and twisted and finally was able to snag herself one of the dangling fruits. She held up her prize in victory.

"I wonder if we could get him to sign it?" Val snuck up behind her.

Fran was nearly startled out of her skin, almost dropping her grip on the wall and her grapefruit.

"Sign a grapefruit Val?"

"Sure why not? Lucy did it." Val caught a glimpse of something new at the house. "Oh look Fran, you can see the pool from over here!"

Sure enough, the new angle gave them a clear view of the pool area.

"Mrs. S, we can see the pool, come on over!" Fran tried one more time to prod her mother-in-law.

Elizabeth got out but stayed standing near the car.

"What's that? Oh my god, there's somebody in the pool!" Val exclaimed.

"Shhh, Val, they'll hear you." Fran craned her neck to get a better line of sight. There were decorative pots of flowers placed strategically all around the top of the wall. Very pretty, but they sure were blockin' the view.

"Mrs. S., you really have to come see this. Johnny's in the pool, and he ain't wearin' nothin' but a bathing suit. And it's a Speedo! Hoohaa, talk about your 'hot hunks'!" Fran fanned herself in appreciation of the fine specimen of male flesh in front of her.

That bit of information was enough to spur Elizabeth into action. Her Johnny in a Speedo? Maybe, just this once, a Sheffield could climb a wall.

Very carefully, Elizabeth pulled herself up, coming right between Val and Fran.

"Whaddya think?" Fran asked in a whisper.

"Where is he? I can't see him!" One of those pesky flowerpots was right in her way. She tried to shift around for a better view.

Eve saw her grandmother's predicament and decided to "help". She grabbed hold of the offending pot to move it out of the way so poor grandma could see the pretty man over there.

Now even though Eve was little, she had just enough leverage to get the pot to move. Unfortunately, it moved towards the ground, causing a terrible crash. Eve sat back in her backpack abruptly, shrinking. Mommy wasn't gonna like that.

Val, Mommy and Elizabeth exchanged horrified looks and then beat a hasty retreat back down the wall. Had anyone at the pool heard them? They made a mad dash to the car, but..... it was too late. A security guard beat them to it. Mommy was talking a mile a minute, but the mean old man wouldn't let them just leave, and soon one of those noisy police cars pulled up.

Now normally Eve would have been thrilled at the prospect of riding in the back seat of this fancy car with the siren on top, but Aunt Val seemed pretty upset, Grandmother was almost purple with rage, and even Mommy was now silent. Jonah was sucking his pacifier, hard, trying not to cry.

Eve, sitting on Val's lap, suddenly felt the need for a pacifier herself. She leaned forward, reaching to grab Jonah's out of his mouth, but he saw her coming and twisted his head into his mother's chest.

Eve decided maybe this wasn't the time to push him, so she buried her head against Aunt Val and substituted her thumb as the suckable object.

It was a subdued group that huddled in the Beverly Hills Police Department that afternoon. Everybody else sat, Fran paced. She had gotten in trouble lots of times over the years, but only rarely had the police become involved. And to have managed it while she was supposed to be entertaining her mother in law.... well, this wasn't good.

It wasn't long before Maxwell arrived in answer to Fran's frantic phone call. While he spoke to the officer in charge, Fran gathered her excuses.

"Oh Maxwell, honey, I'm so glad you're here. This is all so silly. We were just...." Fran's explanations spilled out all at once, then died away as Max held up a hand to stop the flow.

"Never mind Fran. I don't want to hear it. I cannot believe you have managed to do it again. Do you know how embarrassing it is to get pulled out of a meeting with network executives because your wife was arrested?"

"Maybe they'd want to write it in as an episode?" Fran said hopefully.

Max gave her a withering look. "What did I say to you this morning? What one thing did I ask?"

"'Just stay out of trouble.' I know but..."

"No 'but's'. If this isn't trouble I don't know what is. And to involve the children, not to mention my mother."

Max rubbed the familiar spot. He was angry, but they had been down this road so many times her couldn't really say he was all that surprised. "I paid your bail, we can go home anyway. I just hope my attorney can clear all this up." He read from the list of charges against her. "'Trespassing, theft...' What did you steal??"

"Fruit."

"What?? Never mind, I don't think I want to know. '...Destruction of property...'"

"But Eve did that."

Max raised an eyebrow.

"She knocked over a planter of flowers from the top of... "

Maxwell just shook his head. "And what was our year old child doing on the top of a ten foot wall?"

Fran didn't try to answer, just chewed a fingernail and shrugged. Maxwell continued down the list.

"'...child endangerment, and stalking.' Stalking, Fran?" He shook his head in disbelief. "Did you really need to meet John Sinclair that badly? Why??"

"But your mother...."

Elizabeth jumped in to the conversation. "Your mother is mortified beyond belief that she has ended up in a police station courtesy of your wife! I have never in my life been in such a situation! I told you it was a mistake to marry......."

"Elizabeth?"

Elizabeth went white, froze, then turned slowly to the speaker.

"John? Oh my."

"Security told me about some prowlers on the property and when I heard the name... well, I just had to find out...." he trailed off at Elizabeth's shocked face, then finished. "I'm so happy to see you, though you could have just phoned!"

"John, I..." Elizabeth was so mortified she couldn't even speak. Fran jumped in to rescue her mother in law.

"Oh, this whole thing was my fault. Mrs. S had nothing to do with it. It was me and Val, really. Mrs. Sheffield would have never climbed your wall. She told me so specifically. Oh no, she only climbed up later when we told her her 'hot hunk' was only wearing his Speedo...." Fran stopped, realizing what she had just said.

But John just laughed.

"So Lizzie, would you consider joining this 'hot hunk' for dinner tonight? We have so much to catch up on."

'Lizzie' looked like a young girl being asked out on her first date.

"Why yes, that would be a pleasure."

"Shall we?" and Johnny led her away.

The rest of the group looked on as they left. "Can you believe it?" Fran sighed in happiness. "All's well that ends well. Isn't it romantic? Ya think she'll like me now that I helped her get her one true love back?"

Maxwell grunted as he picked up Jonah and prepared to leave. "I wouldn't count on it. I just hope they remember to drop the charges on their way out."

A few days later, Grandmother Sheffield was saying goodbye at the front door. She hadn't entirely forgiven Fran and certainly wouldn't be going shopping again with her anytime soon. But considering how it had all turned out, she couldn't really be angry. At least she had gotten to see Johnny again and it was wonderful catching up. And he had proven he still really was a 'hot hunk'--more than once! Who knew what the future might hold for them? She was sure she would be back in LA quite soon to find out.

Over in the corner of the living room, Jonah was playing contentedly with his merry-go-round. Eve was nearby chewing on her Rosie O'Donnell stuffed doll eyeing her brother. He knew she was trying to figure out her plan of attack for capturing the merry-go-round. Jonah, however, had one eye on her at all times and was determined not to give her an opportunity for grabbing.

Eve knew Mommy and Daddy were busy at the front door and this was her chance. Eve schooched a bit closer, and Jonah turned his back to her. She schooched, he schooched. She put her doll down and nonchalantly reached across Jonah to pick up her tiger striped bouncy ball.

Jonah twisted away again carefully keeping himself out of her reach.

Hmmm, this was gonna be harder than usual.... Eve considered what her next move should be. Inspiration!

"Look Jonah, Grandma's gonna give you a kiss and hug goodbye!" Eve pointed urgently at the front door.

Jonah instinctively started to crawl away in a panic before he realized he'd been had.

He turned back and did a slow burn when he saw his sister was now firmly in possession of the merry-go-round. He could feel the vein in his head starting to thump and his temper finally boiled over. He started towards Eve with eyes blazing. Eve looked up in triumph, but her smile faded when she saw the look in his eye and she abandoned the merry-go-round and took off as fast as her little legs would carry her. Jonah was hot on her heels.

Something instinctive welled up inside him and he shouted after her as he ran.

Many thanks to Julia for her invaluable aid in pointing out the areas that needed help, and giving this first time author the courage to "go out there and splatter those petals all over the floor."

So wha'd ya think? Any good? Be sure
to post your two cents worth on the

7.32 Feeling Hot Hot Hot by Sabine Clement A heat wave rolls over LA, and especially the Brits in the house have a hard time coping. While Niles is desperately trying to stay cool, Maxwell tries to hot up the campaign around the show. He even takes Fran with him when he's to appear on national television - a sure sign of a heat stroke...

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